When Knives, Boxes and Raccoons Collide
by starvingstudent
Summary: Kensi/Deeks. Begins immediately following episode 5.21 (Three Hearts) and moving forward from there as Kensi and Deeks figure out their Thing. Originally a oneshot - now being continued.
1. Chapter 1

**When Knives, Boxes and Raccoons Collide**

_**Description: A Kensi/Deeks onsehot following 5.21 (Three Hearts). **_

_**AN: This is my first endeavor into NCIS Los Angeles fanfiction, so I hope I've managed to do justice to the characters. I've been watching the show on and off since it started, but have really gotten into it the last two years. I love the depth of the characters we've been shown and the amount of character building available to both the show, and fans' imagination. I'm looking forward to writing more in the future. If you get a chance, please let me know what you think!**_

The knock at her door doesn't surprise her. If anything, it comes earlier than expected. She's been home less than an hour, and after leaving her partner with a now-open box on his desk at work, she had estimated it would take him longer to show up. Hesitate. Debate his options. Run his fingers through his hair a few times. Open the box, because how could he not at that point? Ponder the implications. Would he have opened the next one? That, she doesn't know.

With a sigh, Kensi set down her carton of takeout and stood from the couch. She could see her partner's silhouette through the curtains on her door, waiting for her, and it made her pause. It had been a long and difficult day - following a long and difficult series of months - and she wasn't sure she was ready to have this conversation.

She wasn't sure she was ready for the fallout; for their thing to be over before it had been given a real chance to start.

And she had _so_ wanted that chance.

Their one night together had given her a taste of what could be. She vividly remembered waking in his bed the following morning filled with both anxiety and more hope than she'd felt in longer than she could remember. And yes, they'd fumbled as partners that day, but by the end of the case they were already figuring out how to handle the new _them_.

And then their worlds were turned upside down without warning. And now Kensi wasn't so sure there would ever really be a _them_ to figure out.

Deeks shifted on the other side of the door. He knew her too well; probably knew she was mirroring him on her own side of the door. Not that he'd call her on it. Not now when things were the way they were between them. He raised a hand to run nervously through his hair. She smiled at the familiar gesture and stepped forward to open the door.

His very-tousled hair and the uncharacteristic creases by his eyes told her he was as apprehensive about this conversation as she was. Kensi wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse.

For an extended moment they stared at each other. And then the corner of his lips twitched upwards and his head tilted ever so slightly and she swore she heard the words before they left his mouth.

"What's in the box?"

She rolled her eyes and stepped out of the doorway, motioning for him to come in.

"Seriously, Kens, is it just some epic mind game?" He continued as he stepped into her apartment. "A series of Russian Nesting Dolls in box form? One after another after another? How tiny is the smallest one? And where did you even get a box that small?"

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "You didn't open the next one?"

"How could I? You took the knife?"

"You gave it back to me," she countered.

And there it was.

He half turned away from her and ran his hand through his hair again. "Yeah, well...it is your knife. And...sometimes a knife _is_ just a knife."

"So, that's the only reason you gave it back to me? To return it?"

It would have been easy to agree and move away from this part of the conversation. It would have been easy to avoid the coming tension. She could see it in his expression. And for a moment she felt her heart fall because he was going to take the easy way out. But he surprised her when he shook his head. No more easy ways out.

"No, I guess not. We both know there's more to it than that. It's not _just _a knife...never has been." He paused for a moment, staring at her. "I mean; it _is_ your knife. Your father's knife. You should have it back. You only meant to give it to me for that one case."

"But then I got sent to Afghanistan."

"And I kept it with me..." He shook his head. "It made me feel like I was carrying some part of my partner with me. But now you're back and I shouldn't need that crutch anymore."

She didn't know how to respond to that so she said nothing.

Deeks sighed. "This morning I..." he trailed off.

"What?"

"Never mind."

She almost let it go, but they had let too many things go between them already. She crossed her arms across her chest. "This morning you what, Deeks?"

He met her eyes and the look in his almost broke her heart. Because he looked so broken in this moment. So lost.

"This morning I knew what I wanted."

_I wanted you, _she heard in the silence that followed his words.

This time her heart did break a little. She nodded. "Okay." She forced herself to swallow down her emotions, her tears. "Okay," she said again. She wouldn't blame him for not wanting the same things as her. This was not his fault. She would find a way to rewind back to just be his partner. Because she needed him in her life. Their partnership had slowly but surely become the most important thing in her life.

He stepped towards her. "Kens..."

She stepped back, shook her head. She would be okay with this. But she needed space. "It's okay, Deeks." And she meant it. She wanted more; so much more. But she did not blame him for not wanting more himself; for not wanting her. He was not the first man to not want her.

"No, it's not." He stopped his approach and ran his fingers through his hair, clearly agitated. "I'm not-"

"You're not what?"

"I'm not explaining myself. I'm not..." He trailed off, before offering her a wry smile. "It's been long established that I'm not very good at this whole communication thing."

Whatever she had expected to hear him say, that wasn't it. Memories of the last two times she had called him out on his lack of communication skills flooded her. And now it sounded like he was asking her to push him, _them_, again. Because that didn't sound like a man who had changed his mind about wanting her.

He stared at her, his eyes filled with both anxiety and hope, trust and pain. And something more. Something that caused a surge of hope to flare within herself.

They very clearly needed to talk this out. "Come on," she said quietly, walking past him with an affectionate bump to his shoulder as she headed for the couch. She settled on her normal side while he did the same.

Legs crossed, facing her partner, she met his eyes evenly. She took a breath. Time to start from the beginning. No assumptions, no misunderstandings. "Okay, Deeks, what did you want this morning?"

He huffed out a laughing breath. "This," he waved a hand between them. "Only...not."

She couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips. "You're right, partner, you do need to work on those communication skills."

He laughed before clarifying, "I wanted to talk. Air everything out. Only I was more...optimistic."

She nodded. "Angelo rattled me too," she admitted.

"But not third-heart rattled."

"Deeks-"

"No." He shook his head. "I know what you're going to say. His aim was to rattle us. He read us and he chose his words and his stories to get a response. He wanted to put us on edge and he wanted us focused on ourselves instead of him. And I took the bait. I know that. But that doesn't mean his little three hearts story wasn't valid."

She couldn't argue with his assessment. "Okay, maybe that's true. But that doesn't mean anything is wrong between us."

"Other than the fact that he's right. I've shown you mine and you haven't shown me yours."

There's a moment of intent seriousness between them before they both hear his words in a whole other context. Kensi feels her cheeks heat and unsuccessfully tries to bite back a laugh, while her partner chuckles at his own words.

"You are such a child sometimes," she accuses.

"You laughed, too," he defends.

She hesitates before dropping her voice and telling him, "Plus, I'm pretty sure we've seen each others."

Her words are rewarded with a glimpse of the old Deeks, the Deeks that hadn't yet learned how to be afraid of what they had. His lips curl into a smirk and his eyes shine. And then all too quickly he morphs into the Deeks of now. The Deeks that had learned to be afraid somewhere between going out for tacos and giving back her knife.

"Thirds hearts aside," he continues, back to business, "His stories made me realize what I'd do for you, how far in I'd let you get..." He trails off.

She wants so badly to say so many things in response, but the tension in his shoulders and the way he's working the muscles of his jaw scream to her that there's a more important second half to that sentence. "And?" She prompts.

"And," he continues, "where I'd be if I lost you." His response is barely a whisper but she hears it none the less.

"Deeks," she whispers back.

"You're my partner, Kens, so you're already the most important person in my life. And if I lost you in the field, I'd be devastated. But I'd know no one would have had your back like I would. But..."

"But if we didn't work out," she finishes the thought for him.

He meets her eyes. "Then where are we?"

She had no answer for him. No words, no comfort, no solution. "I don't know."

"I don't know, either."

Kensi looks down at her hands. She had just assumed if they ever managed to figure out their thing and get together that that would be it. They'd be together. Now she realizes she was naive to think that way. She of all people should know there are no guarantees in life. Hell, nine years ago she'd been engaged to be married until her fiancé had disappeared in the middle of the night one Christmas Eve...and apparently moved to Afghanistan where he started a family without her. Kensi shook her head to clear it from her own recent trauma.

"You're my partner," he repeats his earlier statement. "You're my best friend." She looks up to meet his eyes. It gives him the strength to continue. "And I want so badly for you to be so much more. But I think we get one shot to do this right."

She nodded, even as she felt the recently all too familiar sting of tears. "I think you're right."

"This morning I wanted us to talk about everything that happened the last few months. And I really thought we could just...pick up as if you never left. But now I realize we're not in the place we need to be to make this work. _I'm_ not in the place I need to be to make this work."

Her heart ached at his words, but she knew with startling clarity he was right. About all of it.

"Kens," he whispered, holding out his hand to her. She took his, smiling as he squeezed. "I want to be in that place."

Without breaking contact between their joined hands, she shuffled towards him on the couch, tucking herself against his side, hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder, hands clasped between them. "I want to be there, too."

"I'm really glad to hear that."

"Deeks?"

"Yeah?"

"You're getting better at this whole communication thing."

He laughed and she quickly joined him. "I've have this awesome partner to help me," he said. "She calls me on my crap and pushes me to say what I mean."

She smiled at his words. "If only she figured out how to push you sooner."

Deeks squeezed her hand at that, but said nothing. Kensi closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. She knew he was internalizing, blaming himself for the sudden roadblock in their relationship. And that wasn't fair. Because they were in this together. So it was only fair that she show some personal growth alongside her partner.

"You are right, you know," she stated, not bothering to lift her head from his shoulder.

"Hm?"

"We get one shot to do this right. Cause if we screw it up, the fallout..."

"Will destroy us," he finishes for her, taking the words right out of her mouth.

"And I'm not okay with that ever happening."

"I'm going to work on making some changes, getting ready-"

"Me, too," she cut him off before he could internalize any more blame.

"Kens-"

"You were right." She pulled her head from his shoulder and turned to meet his eyes. Still gripping his hand, she reached her free hand to place on his chest, over his heart. "You have a big heart, Deeks. And whether you've shown me a 'third heart' or what, I'll admit that you've let me in further than I've let you. You let me in sooner than I let you. You shared more than I did. And a lot of the stuff I shared with you, the important stuff about my dad and my past, only came up because of his case. I see that, I do. I'm closed off." She took a breath and allowed herself a moment to look away.

Deeks said nothing, but placed his free hand over hers on his chest, uncharacteristically silent in his support.

When she was able to meet his eyes again, she tried to offer him a smile, but it fell short. "After I lost my mom and then my dad, Jack was the final straw...and the way he just left..." She trailed off again, the tears that had threatened earlier now welling in her eyes. She hadn't talked about this in a long time.

"You don't have to-"

"Yes, I do." She was determined to explain. And if anyone deserved an explanation, it was him. "I was young. And looking back, I'm infinitely glad I didn't get married and end up a marine wife moving base to base. But at the time... I loved him. And I trusted him. And I was _devoted_ to him. He proposed before he was deployed and I spent the whole time he was overseas hoping and praying and waiting for him to come home so our life could start. And then he came home, but he didn't. And he told me I was like hitting the ground. But I couldn't accept that. I gave up my life for him; I took a leave of absence from school. I went to the doctor with him, I monitored his pills for him, I talked and I listened and I was always there. And then he was just gone and I was left with _nothing_."

Still silent, Deeks squeezed her hand, reminding her she didn't have nothing anymore. It gave her strength to continue.

"And I think I just gave up after that. I stopped letting people in past a certain point. It wasn't worth the risk. Even Callen and Sam. I trusted them with my life, I trusted them in the field, but I didn't tell them anything remotely deep or important about myself." She paused for a moment and met her partner's eyes evenly. "It was a really long time before I trusted someone again."

Deeks pinched his eyebrows and took a deep breath at her words, clearly affected by them.

She offered him a watery smile. "It took a while to build that trust, and it scared the hell out of me a lot of times, but I'm grateful for where we are now. It doesn't scare me that you know things about me. And I know that you're not just going to disappear one day because things get too hard."

"Never," he whispered, before surprising her by dropping both her hands and pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "It's just...you shared all those things with me and I just needed to..."

She hugged him back just as tight. "I need it, too."

He relaxed against her with a sigh.

Kensi pressed her nose into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes, confident in the knowledge that she would one day have this and so much more.

"Thank you for telling me that," Deeks eventually whispered.

"Thank you for listening."

He chuckled as he pulled back from their hug, but hesitated slightly before continuing. "Thank you," he said again. "It means more than just having you share that." He reached for her hand and squeezed tight. "It...helps. To know."

She smiled at her partner. "Good. I want to get better at telling you things." It was her turn to hesitate, but he had continued, so she would, too. "You're the most important person in my life, Deeks."

Her words clearly overwhelmed him, as evidenced by his suddenly tense jaw and rapidly blinking eyes. "Kens," he husked.

"Deeks," she echoed and raised her free hand to cup his jaw. "I'm going to say one more thing to sum up everything I've already said and then we're going to move on to a lighter topic because you and me talking this long and this deep is starting to creep me out." Her joke had the desired effect as he was able to release a soft chuckle.

She offered him a soft smile. "You were right," she repeated her initial statement. "You let me in further than I let you in. But I let you in further than I let anyone else in."

Any control Deeks had gained over his emotions he'd now lost, and Kensi watched in almost fascination as her partner's eyes welled and a single tear trailed down his cheek. He swiped at it, embarrassed, but she grabbed his wrist to stop him. Instead, she lifted her other hand to wipe the tear with her own thumb. Not even tied to a chair with shattered teeth and being told he would have to stay there a little longer had resulted in her seeing him in tears.

He surprised her when he reached his own hand to brush against her cheek, wiping away tears she hadn't even realized were there.

She released a laughing breath. "Okay, enough of this."

"I see what you mean about being uncomfortable letting people in," he joked.

She rolled her eyes, before saying sarcastically, "He communicates one time and suddenly he thinks he's an expert."

"Touché."

"Touché," she echoes with a smirk.

He shakes his head with a sigh. "You don't get to say touché after my touché."

"Really? Cause I think I just did."

Deeks made a big show of sighing. "You're lucky you're the most important person in my life, too, Kens. Otherwise, I don't know how I'd put up with your quirks."

"You love my quirks," she countered before she could help it, before she heard her own words.

He met her eyes evenly and nodded. "I do," he whispered. "I do love your quirks."

Kensi felt her heart swell. "I love your quirks, too."

He smiled back at her, tension leaving his body as he sat back against the couch. She moved to sit beside him as she had been before, shoulders and hips touching. He reached for her hand again.

It wasn't enough for ever, but it was enough for now.

They wanted the same thing, had their eyes on the same goal. And they were in agreement; they only had one shot to do this right. Because losing each other was not an option either was willing to live with.

Deeks squeezed her hand and then released it. "I should go."

"Okay."

He stood and she followed closely as he made his way to the door. He reached for the door handle, but pulled his hand away and turned back without opening the door. "You were right, with what you said, you know. You're right to trust that I'm not going anywhere, no matter what happens, no matter how hard this gets."

She smiled. She didn't need him to tell her, but it was still good to hear. After so many years of being afraid of this, she was grateful for the security their relationship gave her now. "Me neither."

"I'm not trying to run away, now. You know that, right? I just need...time." He sighed and ran his hand though his hair. "God, that sounds so cliché."

"It does sound cliché," she said with a laugh. "But that doesn't mean I don't understand. And now that we've talked, I see that I need time, too. So we can do this right."

"That's all I want; to do this right," He practically breathed his response to her, his expression so open and so earnest.

"We will." She was surprised by how much confidence she felt in saying it.

"See you tomorrow, partner?"

She nodded. "I'll buy lunch if you pick up breakfast on your way in?"

"How many times do I have to tell you donuts are not a healthy breakfast choice?" He chastised playfully, knowing without needing any further clarification that she wanted the donuts from the speciality place near his apartment.

"You eat just as badly as I do, mister."

"But I eat in moderation, Kensalina. For you it's like calorie-palooza."

She glared at him, before crossing her arms and smirking. "Well, maybe you and I will figure out our thing soon. Then I'll have someone to help burn off the calories with."

Her comment rewarded her with a slightly sputtering Deeks, who clearly had not expected her to be able to turn his joke on her back around on himself. He scratched at the scruff on the side of his face. "Something to look forward to?"

"The donuts or burning off the donuts?"

He sighed. "You do know that's all I'm going to think about now every time I buy you those damn donuts?"

"Good; It'll keep you motivated."

And just like that he was serious again. "Trust me, Kens, I don't need anything more to be motivated."

The intensity in his gaze alone told her exactly how motivated he was; exactly how motivated _she_ made him. She swallowed hard. He reached to quickly squeeze her hand in goodbye, but she held tight, not quite ready to let him leave. His fingers closed around hers and she felt his thumb run up and down along her wrist.

He stared down at her, his gaze soft and understanding. He was always so damn understanding; always knew what she was thinking. She shuffled forward a half step, just needing to be closer. Just a little closer. He cocked his head ever so slightly. She could feel the heat from his body now and she knew what she wanted. Her gaze flickered from his eyes to his lips for just a moment before returning, but he caught the action. His lips parted on his next exhale.

Could they? _Should_ they? They'd already spent the last hour talking out their issues so they could work towards a future together. Plus, they'd kissed before. And spent a night together. What was one more kiss now? Was it a bad idea noting their mutual decision to take time to work toward their thing?

"You're thinking too hard," Deeks whispered.

"Then stop me," she whispered back.

He ducked his head and closed the space between them, pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss. She ran her free hand up the back of his neck and buried it in his hair. His free hand wound its way around her waist, holding her close. And when the kiss ended, he didn't pull away. He dropped her hand and hugged her tight.

"You and me, partner," he whispered into her hair.

"I'm counting on it."

He took a deep breath and released her. He offered her a bright smile, remnants of the old Deeks who hadn't yet learned to be afraid. "I will see you tomorrow morning at work. With donuts."

"And I'll buy lunch," she said as he was turning and letting himself out the door.

"And you'll tell me what's in the box."

"Never going to happen!" She called as he pulled the door shut behind him. She rolled her eyes but couldn't begin to wipe the smile from her face.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: I was really floored by the response to my first NCIS: LA Kensi/Deeks attempt. Big thanks to everyone who took the time to leave a review/feedback. It's always fun, but challenging writing new characters.**_

_**Based on the positive response and support, I've decided to continue the story past its original oneshot. This chapter and the next 2-3 chapters will follow Kensi and Deeks as they figure out their thing and learn more about themselves and each other. I already have most of the next chapter completed - just a note that some parts of this chapter and the next chapter do touch on parts of aired episodes, so there could be some spoilers, but the focus is on Kensi and Deeks much more than the plots of the episodes. Some parts of these chapters will also feature other NCIS: LA characters...I feel like I have less of a handle on them than on Kensi/Deeks, so I'd love some feedback. **_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

**X**

**Something more than just partners...**

The following day, Kensi arrived at work early to find Deeks and Callen already at their desks. As promised, there was a box of donuts on her desk. She smiled as she sat and almost giddily pulled the box close. It had been too long since she had had these particular donuts. "Morning," she called cheerfully.

Callen whistled. "Wow, Deeks. That's the happiest I've seen your partner in a long time."

"What makes you think I have anything to do with it? She can be happy for a multitude of reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with me." Deeks said quickly, clearly overanalyzing the comment with last night's conversation in mind.

"Didn't you get her the donuts?"

"I, uh, oh...yeah. Yes. I did. So, yeah. My fault she's happy, I guess."

Had Kensi's mouth not been full of donut, she would have laughed. Her partner was the best undercover operator she'd ever worked with, but when it came to his personal life, he couldn't keep cool, let alone tell a convincing lie.

Callen gave Deeks a look that clearly questioned how it was possible he survived doing undercover work, let alone had his partner's back.

"Jeez, Deeks, how much caffeine have you had this morning?" Kensi asked between bites, giving her partner an out and getting the focus away from his odd reaction to Callen's question.

"Probably more than I should have had," he responded.

"Maybe take a break?" Callen suggested. "Or have a donut to soak up some of the coffee?"

"I already had a donut."

"Having another may be a service to your partner, here. You'll be saving her from herself," Callen joked.

Kensi would have responded had her mouth not been full with her second - no, third - donut.

"Yeah, you try taking one off her," Deeks joked as they both laughed at her expense.

Kensi swallowed quickly. "Shut up, both of you," she demanded, which of course led to neither of them stopping. "I hate you both."

Callen nudged her shoulder playfully. "Come on, Kens. Share your treats."

She glared at him, but relented and held out the box to him first and then stood and walked the box over to her partner. "Fine, but no more laughing at my eating habits."

"That rule only applies for today, right?" Deeks said as he selected his donut.

"I thought it only applied for this morning?" Called countered.

She sat back down in a huff. "I'm nice and this is what I get?"

"We're nice," Deeks insisted. "Like Callen said; we're saving you from yourself. Think of the calories we're saving you from and our selfless sacrifice."

"Speak for yourself," Callen countered, "This is only my first."

Deeks huffed good naturedly. "Fine; think of my selfless sacrifice. I've saved you two donuts worth of calories."

Callen chuckled. "Well, if it's a quiet day you two can hit the gym and work off the calories together."

Deeks, who had chosen the wrong moment to take a sip of his coffee, immediately sputtered, spewing half a mouthful of coffee onto his desk while the other half went down the wrong way. He coughed, wide eyed as he shook his head, furiously attempting to remove memories of yesterdays conversation from his mind.

Kensi stood to help him, but he waved her off. She dropped a pile of napkins onto his desk to aid in the clean up, and returned to her seat, studiously ignoring Callen's gaze the entire time.

Callen, of course, noticed Deeks reaction to his words and noticed Kensi's avoidance of his gaze along with her reddened cheeks. When she was back at her seat and risked a glance in his direction he had returned to his paperwork with an expression that screamed _'I don't want to know.'_

Sam called out a cheerful, "Good morning," to his teammates as he rounded the corner to find all three already at their desks. His partner was studiously working away at some unknown paperwork, but the clench of his jaw told Sam he wasn't as focused as he was trying to pretend he was. Deeks was dabbing away at some unknown spill on his desk - nothing new there. Sam didn't know, didn't need to know and didn't care as long as the spill stayed on Deeks's desk and off his own. Most interesting was Kensi, whose cheeks were uncharacteristically pink. He knew from experience it took a lot to rile the junior agent. A hell of a lot. But if it was enough that his partner was ignoring it, then Sam would, too.

He did a quick inspection to ensure whatever it was Deeks was cleaning up - coffee? - had not crossed the line to his desk and then sat when he was sure it was safe. "No case?"

"Nothing yet," Callen said.

Sam smiled. He could tell just from Callen's tone that he needed out of there. "We could go to the gym and-" He cut himself off at his partner's expression. Beside him, Deeks coughed twice as he continued to dab at his desk with a handful of napkins. Okay, no gym. This was strange, even for a room with Deeks in it.

Sam sat back in his chair, and then frowned. "Something's different." He turned on his chair, carefully surveying the details of the room around him. Something was different; something had changed. He did one pass of the room right to left; nothing.

Now he had Callen's attention. His partner stood and glanced around. "What?"

Kensi and Deeks were looking around as well.

"I'm not sure, but something..." He did a second pass of the room, this time left to right. He almost looked past it, but there it was. Same place it had been sitting for a year, but different. He pointed without getting up. "The box changed."

"Sam's right," Callen said. "It's smaller. And no more stickers."

"Oh, that," Deeks said, nonchalantly. "Just Kensi playing mind games."

"That's not my intention," she argued.

"I beg to differ," Deeks bantered back, pointing at the box. "I opened the box, only to find another box. I refuse to continue this charade."

"It's not a charade!"

"Are you telling me if I open that box over there that there's not another box inside it?"

She stammered for a moment and then shrugged. "You'll have to open it and find out."

Deeks made a keening noise and buried his face in his hands. "What's in the box?!"

"Oh, God, not this again," Callen laughed.

"You _know_ what's in the box."

Deeks lifted his head. "Except there's no way you put _that_ in the box. It would be physically impossible for _you_ to put _that_ in the box."

**X**

**Best friends...**

Almost two weeks after their talk, they spend three days working side by side with Callen and Sam to close a case. The four of them are stressed out of their minds and exhausted by the time the threat is contained and world safe for another day. Sam hurries home to his family and Callen takes off soon after, leaving Kensi and Deeks alone at their desks.

"Hell of a case," Deeks comments as he places his shoulder bag down on his desk and glances into the main pocket, as if checking he has everything he needs to take home.

Kensi nods and stifles the urge to yawn. "I was beginning to think it would never end."

Her partner nods his agreement as his riffles through his bag.

She stands and lifts her own bag, glancing worriedly at her suddenly quiet partner. Quiet Deeks was never a good thing. And definitely not a normal thing. "You okay, partner?" She inquired, consciously going back over the situations they'd gotten themselves into together, but nothing jumped out as significant. The case been long and tense, but nothing particularly noteworthy had occurred.

"I'm good," he replied, finally looking at her and away from his bag.

She raised an eyebrow, not needing to verbalize her obvious disagreement.

He huffed out a laughing breath. "I was just wondering if you were...hungry?"

Kensi had to bite back a smile at the combination of hesitancy and hopefulness in his expression. They hadn't been out, just the two of them, since their talk. No lunches, no dinners, no movie nights, no mornings at the beach, no surfing lessons, no morning runs. Nothing personal. Neither had thought to discuss what their non-work related relationship would be while they worked towards their thing. Kensi would have sacrificed the personal stuff in the short term if that's what he wanted, but the look in his eyes now told her that was anything but what he wanted. Tension she hadn't realized she was carrying left her shoulders immediately as she remembered just who she was talking to.

"I'm starving," she told her best friend.

**X**

**The opposite of friends with benefits...**

Two weeks later, they had their first movie night since their talk. Another marathon case had eaten away at their personal time that week, but after re-scheduling already once (spending the evening on stakeout with her partner is so not the same as a movie night), they were determined not to wait another night.

Of course, they were both exhausted and fell asleep before the first movie was over. Kensi woke up around three in the morning to find her cheek pillowed on her sleeping partner's shoulder and her arm flung across his chest as they lay together on his couch. The DVD had long since ended and shut itself off, leaving the living room quiet and dark save for the light from the street shining through the curtains.

So much for movie night. Not that Kensi was complaining. Waking up next to her partner had definitely been on her list of things to do again. Though, fully clothed and on his couch were not exactly part of the plan.

She shifted and tried to stretch her legs, but stopped as she noted an extra weight around them. She lifted her head off Deeks's chest and glanced down, smiling as she recognized Monty's form. He must have joined them on the couch after they'd fallen asleep. The dog lifted his head at her movement and thumped his tail against the couch.

"Hey, boy," she whispered. "Having a good sleep?" She reached her hand down to pat his head. She paused, as if to allow him a chance to respond. "That's good. I'm having a good sleep, too. I like sleeping over with you two boys. Do you think I should stay?" Monty continued to wag his tail, so she took that as a sign that he liked having her sleep over, too. "Okay, you convinced me, I'll stay." She gave him one last pat before laying her head back down on Deeks's shoulder and curving her arm over chest.

Deeks's sleepily closed his arm around her. "Monty's a good wing-man...or is it wing-dog? Wing-dog-man?"

She snorted. "Go back to sleep."

"Mm-kay."

The next morning they faced each other across the table eating cereal for breakfast. It was an unseasonably cool morning and Deeks had leant Kensi a sweatshirt. They'd woken up together like it was no big deal close to an hour earlier and had taken Monty for a morning stroll together before pausing for breakfast, Kensi in no clear hurry to go home.

"I feel like we're doing this wrong," Kensi commented.

Deeks looked down at his cereal and then back to his partner. "If you're talking about my selection of cereal; you're the reason I have fruit loops in my cupboard."

She rolled her eyes. "Not the cereal. _Us._" She used her spoon to motion between them. "We're supposed to be taking time to work towards _us_, but instead we're..."

"Spending the night together without actually spending the night together?" He supplied.

"Exactly."

He narrowed his eyes. "Are you not okay with last night?"

"No."

"No?"

"I mean not no."

"Not no."

"Yes."

"Yes to the not no or yes to the not okay?"

Kensi started to laugh. "I don't know how to answer the question!" She exclaimed.

"Good; cause I'm not even sure I know what the question was anymore."

She waved her hand. "We are _really_ bad at this."

"Communication? Yeah, we are."

"Okay, starting from the beginning worked last time." She took a breath. "I'm not not okay with last night," she began, and then off his look she rolled her eyes and started over. "I'm _okay_ with last night. More than okay. We didn't plan it, but I woke up at one point and I could have left, but I _chose_ to stay."

"I'm glad you did. For the record, I'm okay with last night, too."

"Good." She smiled at him. "Only, is it something we should be doing?"

He shrugged. "I don't know." Then he laughed. "We're like the opposite of friends with benefits."

Kensi's response was to throw a fruit loop at him.

Deeks kept laughing. "Seriously, Kens, think about it. You spent the night. We're eating breakfast. You're wearing my shirt. And nothing happened. I present: more than friend's _without_ benefits."

She cracked a smile, despite her best efforts not to. "Hilarious," she said dryly. "But is it okay to have a more than friend's without benefits stage when we're trying to work towards a permanent more than friends _with_ benefits _thing_?"

Deeks sobered quickly. "I don't know, Kens. But for the sake of the more than friends with benefits thing, I sure as hell hope so."

**X**

**Partners...**

When a ten year old girl Sam once protected is discovered to be missing, they're already tense before Deeks gets them both out of a trailer just moments before said trailer explodes. Kensi hits the ground and feels the protective weight of her partner come down on top of her, shielding her from the heat.

When it's over and they're still breathing he brushes some debris off her head and asks if she's okay.

"Yeah, you?"

"I think so." He exhales and rolls off of her. "That was close."

Kensi scrabbles to stand and offers Deeks a hand, dragging him onto his feet beside her. "Are you sure you're okay? Turn around," she demands without giving him an opportunity to answer her question.

"Why? You want to check me out?" He asks, clearly trying to keep the mood playful in light of their most recent near death experience, but acquiesces to her request and turns.

She runs her hands over his back, brushing off the debris. The material of his sweatshirt is warm from the explosion, but there's no evidence he was burned anywhere. She removes her hands and he turns back around to face her. She takes the opportunity to punch him in the shoulder.

"Owe! What was that for?"

"How many times have I told you to stop doing that?"

"What? Almost getting blown up? Pretty sure that's in the job description under 'LAPD Liaison.' Although you probably can't look it up, because I'm pretty sure the job doesn't actually exist and Hetty actually made it up-"

She glares at him. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. You need to stop putting yourself in harm's way for me."

Instead of backing down or apologizing, he glares right back at her. "I'm your partner. That _is_ in the job description."

"You don't get to sacrifice yourself for me."

"Yes, I do," he counters, with more conviction than she had ever seen. He steps forward so they are closer, as if preparing to go toe to toe with her if he has to. "I would in a heartbeat, Kens, and one day it might happen. And that's something we need to be able to talk about, because I need to know that if that happens you'll be okay."

She tries to interrupt, but he raises a hand to stop her. "And you don't get to argue with me, because we both know you'd do it for me in a heartbeat, too."

He'd stolen the words right out of her mouth. Any residual anger drains out of her. She's not used to him standing up to her, but she has no argument. Because he's absolutely right.

"In the job description, right?" She attempts to joke. It falls flat, but he smiles appreciatively at the effort.

"It's instinct," he adds, his voice much softer now. "It's not a conscious choice."

She sighed. "I know." And she does know. It's not fair to expect him to be okay with her risking her life for his and not the other way around. But she can't lose another person she cares about, especially not him, and she's not used to being so important to anyone else.

"And it's something we need to be able to talk about."

She swallows hard. That was not a talk she wanted to have, but was a talk he had clearly been thinking about for a while. "Okay," she relents. "But...not now?"

"Definitely not now," he agrees, pulling out his phone and calling into OPS.

It was their first big brush with death since their talk and she found herself wondering if hugging her partner was appropriate considering the circumstances. He was _right there _and her fingers itched to reach out to him, to touch him. The reminder that she could _lose_ him left a cracking feeling in her chest. And for a moment, she wanted to forget where they were and let him hold her. Unfortunately, the explosion had drawn the attention of a growing crowd of people, reminding her she didn't have the luxury of a moment.

"Hey, Eric," her partner was saying into the phone. Pause. "Yeah, we found the trailer. Definitely the right place." Pause. "How do we know? There was a bomb." Pause. Deeks laughed. "What do I mean 'there was a bomb'? I mean there was a trailer and a bomb, and now there's no more trailer. And I guess, technically, no more bomb." Pause. "We're fine. We got out in time." Pause. "We're fine, Eric. I promise. We're-" Deeks rolled his eyes and pulled the phone away from himself and offered it to Kensi. "Tell Eric we're okay; you know how he worries."

She smiled and took the phone. "Eric?"

"Kensi? Are you okay?" Eric's extremely concerned tone filtered through the phone.

"I'm fine, Eric."

"Are you sure?"

Kensi almost laughed. Yes, it had been close, but compared to several other situations in the past year alone, this was pretty minor. Eric's reaction, however, was not so minor. "I promise. Deeks got us out before the bomb went off. I may be a little sore in the morning from hitting the ground, but compared to the alternative, I'll take it," she said, trying to channel her partner in an attempt to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, her attempt backfired.

"That doesn't sound like you're not hurt! Don't worry. I have fire and ambulance on their way. Ambulance in less than five minutes out."

Kensi exchanged a look with her partner, who couldn't hear Eric's words, but could still hear his tone. She held up her free hand and shrugged her shoulders, silently asking if he understood Eric's reaction.

Deeks shook his head.

"Eric, really, you can calm down. I'm fine. Deeks is fine. We're both fine."

"You were just checking out a lead. We didn't know this would happen."

"We rarely know when stuff like this is going to happen. But we react and respond as needed."

"I gave you the address."

She sighed as some of the pieces fell into place. "Eric, no, don't go there. This was not your fault. You were doing your job. And if we'd been caught in the blast, that would not have been your fault." She exchanged a look with Deeks, who reached forward to squeeze her hand, and then left her on the phone and went to corral the growing crowd of people.

"I know you can take care of yourself," Eric told her. "I monitor every mission; I know that as well as anyone. But after Afghanistan..."

Kensi felt her breath catch at the reminder. There wasn't a single day that had gone by that she hadn't at some point been reminded of her brief captivity by the Taliban, but she hadn't realized her co-workers may also still be reminded.

"I'm sorry," Eric said quickly. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's okay," she assured. "I'm good, Eric. You guys found me and got me out. For that I'm grateful every day." Her eyes tracked her partner as he expertly corralled the crowd and waved in the approaching fire truck. "I'm choosing to move forward and not dwell, so it's okay for you to do that too, okay? None of what happened then or now is your fault."

"I'll try."

She smiled. "Good. Now, tell everyone we're okay. Can you have Callen and Sam meet us here?"

"They're on route. Ten minutes out. Nell called them."

"Good. Fire's here, so I need to go. You going to be okay?"

He made a huffing noise and then replied, "Of course," a little too loudly.

"Nell's glaring at you, isn't she?"

"No," he sputtered before terminating the call.

Kensi was laughing as she jogged up to her partner and returned his phone.

"How's Eric?"

"I think he's okay. I didn't realize he was..." She trailed off, not sure how to work her reply.

He cocked his head.

Kensi glanced around. The fire crew was getting to work without needing any assistance from them and the crowd was focused on the fire crew. "He was still upset about what happened in Afghanistan. To me." She looked down and ran her hand over her hair before looking back up. "I think it made him overreact a little to this. I didn't realize he was still upset. I mean; I'm fine."

"That doesn't mean it didn't happen. We all almost lost you. Eric's not the only one who's going to remember that for a while." He didn't have to say anymore for her to hear the rest of what he wanted to say.

She nodded, telling him she understood. "I'm here," she told him out loud. "I'm here, right where I want to be. And right where I plan to stay."

**X**

**Should we really be talking about this now...**

Emotions are running higher later that same day, when fresh from their most recent near death experience with the IED in the trailer, the amount of danger the missing little girl's been put in because of her mother's career choice becomes more and more obvious. This, naturally, led to the 'is it worth having kids?' considering our own chosen career conversation.

They said things like "Do you want kids of your own someday?" and "I thought that I did" and "I didn't for a long time until now." And even though they used pronouns of "I" and "you" they both knew they were talking about the same kids.

"When I was undercover, I was fearless," Deeks admits to her. And no, they probably shouldn't be having this conversation now, but they almost died an hour ago, so there's no time like the present. "Do you know why that was?"

"Because you didn't have to worry about anybody?" She doesn't exactly have to ask, but still poses it like a question.

"Yeah, because I was on my own. No one has any control over you when you're on your own." He says it sadly, but she's not sure if he's sad of his life then or his life now.

"That's true," she agrees, because it is true, so how can she disagree? But just because it's true, doesn't make it right. "But then again, you don't have anybody looking after you, either. No one's got your back." She'd lived her life thinking it was easier on her own once (and for a long time); it was him who had taught her otherwise. She'd do the same for him if she needed.

**X**

**We may stumble, but we're in this and we're learning how do this together...**

By that evening, Kensi couldn't keep herself away from her partner if she tried. And she was in no mood to try.

She parked her car and hurried up the steps to his apartment. She was about twenty feet from his front door when it opened and he stepped out, having changed from what she'd seen him in last when leaving work. He pulled the door closed behind him and turned towards her, only to stop dead as their eyes met.

The way all of the tension in his shoulders ebbed away at the sight of her told her without question that he had been on his way to her.

"Fancy meeting you here," he quipped.

She held up her hand, displaying a large bag of takeout. "Thought I'd bring my partner dinner. Thank him for saving my life today."

"Yummy yummy heart attack?"

"Of course."

"Well, then come on in." He turned back to unlock his front door. Monty was ecstatic at his return so quickly after he had left, and danced around both of them before they settled on the couch.

"Hell of a day," Deeks commented.

Kensi nodded. "I don't even know where to start."

"We don't have to talk tonight, Kens," he offered.

"But we should."

"We're exhausted. We can spend some time together, share some awesome takeout, which, by the way, was exactly what I was on my way to pick up and take to you, and talk tomorrow."

She was tempted, she was. But it would be so easy to put it off. And tomorrow it would be so easy to put it off. And with their jobs and their lives it was so easy to lose so much time. And she knew better than anyone how complicated that could make things.

If they were _just partners_ who needed to talk, they could wait. And if they were _just friends_ who needed to talk, they could wait. But they were _so much more_. And they were working towards something incredible. Every day they put something off was another day away from getting to that finish line. And she so desperately wanted to reach that finish line, especially after a day like today.

"I think it's important we talk now," she admitted. "Because what happens if a case comes up tomorrow? Or what happens if I get sent away again for months without warning?"

That made him pause and put down his takeout container. "Is that something that could actually happen? Would Hetty do that to you again?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I hope not. But it's not like I had any choice the first time." She met his eyes. "I don't want to put anything off if I can help it."

"Okay. Should we start from the beginning again? That seemed to help the last couple times?"

Kensi felt her heart warm at his earnest expression. He really was trying so hard, and really he was just as lost as she was, but he was learning, just like she was. They were learning together. "That's a good idea."

"You were mad at me for protecting you during the explosion," he stated lightly.

She nodded. "But you stood up to me. You've never done that before. Not like that."

He shook his head. "No, I never did." He paused and cocked his head, meeting her eyes evenly. "But I meant every word."

"I know you did. And you were right. About all of it. I know it's instinct to protect me above yourself. Just like it is for me. But just because I _know_ that, doesn't mean I'm always okay with that."

"We can't go into this in the hopes that nothing bad ever happens, Kens. We're partners, and we need to be able to keep being partners when things get bad, no matter what our personal relationship is."

"I know." She paused and shuffled closer to him on the couch.

"And I need to know that you'll be okay if-"

"Please don't say it."

"Kens..."

She sniffed. "I can't lose you, Deeks. And I can't lose you knowing it was to save me."

"How could I live knowing I'd lost you and could have saved you?"

"Not with your own life."

"You would do the same thing," he said gently.

She turned to face him, ignoring the tears threatening to spill over her lower lids. "If we go out in the field, we go out together."

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. "God, this is a morbid conversation, but I so agree."

Despite her tears, she laughed. "Do you think Callen and Sam have talks like this?"

"I hope so. Otherwise, they're missing out on some seriously intense partner bonding opportunities."

She snaked her hands around his middle and allowed herself to rest against his chest. "I'm sorry I scared you."

"Hmm?"

"After Afghanistan, I was so focused on me... You said 'we all almost lost you.' You should have said something sooner."

"It wasn't my trauma. I needed to be there for my partner."

"And you were. You have been. But I can be there for you, too." She leaned back in his arms so she could meet his gaze. His eyes were dark and troubled. "Tell me."

"You saw the picture," he whispered.

She nodded. She'd seen a copy. And though the picture she'd been forced to pose for to make it look like her throat had been cut had given her chills, it was fake. "It wasn't real."

"It wasn't," Deeks agreed, running his fingertips across the skin of her neck softly. "But we didn't know that. Callen and Sam found that picture on a computer in the cave they tracked you to. And they sent it to OPS. Nell said they had it up on the big screen. Eric must have stared at it for an hour or more."

Kensi felt tears streaming down her cheeks now, but she was entranced by Deeks's story now. "And you?"

"I was at the cleric's house still, with Makar, the translator," he whispered. "Hetty called. I begged her for good news. But she told me about the picture," his voice became raspy, but he pushed on. "They sent it to my phone. And Kens, it looked so _real_."

"Deeks..." She breathed.

"And I just..." he trailed off and shook his head. "I snapped. I was prepared to do things. Things I abhor. And I didn't care. I didn't care if it worked. I didn't care if I got the cleric to talk. I didn't care about _anything_ because you were _dead_."

She wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him it was okay, but he needed her to be stronger than that. He needed someone to share his burden with. "What did you do, Deeks?" She asked quietly.

"We had him tied to a chair, hands behind his back. I put a towel over his face and tried to water board him." He said the whole thing with a very matter-of-fact tone.

Kensi swallowed hard at the revelation. "Tried?"

"I poured the bucket for a few seconds, but I couldn't do it. I dropped the bucket, removed the towel and then begged Makar to apologize and promise I wouldn't do it again," he said with the same tone as before, but sounding even more defeated.

"So, your big, dark secret is that you couldn't go through with torturing another human being, no matter how evil they were?"

He said nothing, but looked down.

She reached up to cup his face in her hands. "Deeks, look at me." He cautiously met he eyes. "You listen very closely to what I'm about to tell you. And I'm telling you this as your partner, your best friend, and your more than friend without benefits who would like very much to be your more than friend with benefits one day soon." She paused to offer him a smile. "You are a good man. A damn good man. You flew across the world into a situation you didn't have all the information to understand nor the training to really be cleared to be a part of, to save me. And you had been awake for days, desperate to get some information out of the cleric. And you were isolated from the team. And Hetty sent you that picture. And you reacted badly. You're human, Deeks. You are allowed to react badly. The fact that you stopped, makes you a good man. The fact that you've been holding onto the guilt, makes you a good man. But the act alone, in that situation, doesn't negate who you are."

"I thought you were there because of me," he whispered.

"That's because we didn't have all the information. Hetty let you think that, and that's on her, not on us. She was going to send me there regardless of us."

"I was so desperate to get you out."

"You did," she assured, but he just wasn't hearing her. His mind was still lost back in Afghanistan, back in that house, staring at her picture.

"That picture. It was so real. I really thought it was you. I thought I'd lost you and it was my fault."

"Hey." She taped his cheeks with her hands to get his attention. She needed his mind here, with her. She'd already lost one man to that country. "None of that was your fault. And I'm so sorry you blamed yourself at the time, Deeks. So sorry. But you can let that go now. It's over. It's over because even though it wasn't your fault at all, you still saved me. And you saved Callen and Sam. And Granger. You kept the team whole. You saved us all."

He ran his fingertips along her neck again. "It wasn't real. You're okay."

"I am."

"The cleric..."

She shook her head. "You're human, Deeks. And you stopped. Because you are a good man."

His expression finally broke and she guided him towards herself with her hands still pressed to both sides of his jaw. He pressed his forehead to her jaw line and wrapped his arms around her torso. She closed her arms around him and hugged him tight.

"You need to forgive yourself, Deeks. You stopped."

"I stopped," he murmured back to her.

"You stopped," she echoed. She'd say it as many times as he needed to hear it.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're my partner," she whispered back. "I know the real you, Deeks. And if you ever need reminding of who you are, you just come to me."

He said nothing, but tightened his arms around her.

Kensi continued to hold him tight, occasionally running her hand up and down his back, offering him comfort. At first his admittance had surprised her, but really, it shouldn't have. Her partner was usually easy going and unflappable; except when it came to the very short list of people he truly cared about. And she knew she was at the top of that list. She could just imagine him in that situation; exhausted and sleep deprived, stressed out of his mind, isolated from the team, blaming himself, terrified for her. And for Hetty to send him the picture, knowing he already blamed himself... Of course he would do something extreme.

The fact that he hadn't been able to go through with it didn't surprise her in the least, however. Because he was a damn good man, regardless of the situation.

He shifted against her, but made no move to pull away. She wasn't about to make the first move to release him. He'd talked earlier about it being easier when there was no one to worry about.

That thought made her pause. Because she may be closer to Deeks than she'd been to anyone in a very long time, but she'd had people in her life to worry about before him. She'd had her team; Callen and Sam and Dom. Eric and Hetty and Nate. She hadn't been as open with her team as she was now, but there'd been a relationship with each member.

Deeks was very social. He had lots of friends from LAPD and surfing and the bars he frequented. But no one close. No one he could rely on or whom he truly let in. No one before joining NCIS as their liaison. Maybe this was actually newer to him than it was to her. He had jumped in with her, tried to be the fearless adventurer he always was, but he got burned. And now he was still determined to make it work, but apprehensive about the potential for pain now that he'd felt it.

Kensi sighed and hugged him tighter, wanting suddenly and desperately to take away all of his pain. Because she'd figured out where her Deeks had learned to be afraid.

"You said no one has control over you when you're on your own," she murmured into his hair. She hadn't understood what he was trying to tell her earlier. But she understood now.

"Yeah. It scared me; how far I'd go for you," he admitted. His breath tickled her neck when he made no move to remove himself from her embrace.

"But you found your limit."

"Yeah, I guess I did." He sounded freer than before, like he was starting to believe in himself again.

"It's scary when someone has control over you," she whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back, before lifting his head and meeting her eyes, "But it's better if someone's looking after you," he echoed her earlier words, "Better when someone has your back."

**X**

**This is going to be harder than we thought...**

They take a break from talking to finish eating. The yummy yummy heart attack has long since cooled and needs to be reheated. Deeks does the honours while Kensi digs two bottles of water out of the fridge for them and a treat out of the cupboard for Monty.

They sit on the couch, shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip watching an old episode of Top Model that she's recorded on his DVR. They're halfway through the episode when Deeks chuckles.

"I remember the first time we watched this show together."

"I remember you showing up uninvited."

"Like you did tonight?" He quips.

Kensi makes a face, having no comeback.

Deeks smirks. "Just for the record; that would have been an opportunity for you to say 'touché.'"

She rolls her eyes. "I remember I had to open your beer for you."

"I was injured."

She gives him a playful nudge. He nudges her back.

"I still don't get why every woman loves this show," he comments, "But I missed these nights while you were gone."

"I missed you a lot," she admitted, dropping all pretense. "Before it all went to hell, I mean." After the trauma that was her captivity, it was easy to overlook the months she'd spent isolated from her partner and team.

"I missed you, too."

"I know. And I missed the Top Model and the movie nights and the best friend stuff. And I was angry I was sent away right when we finally took a step forward in the more than friends category. But I missed my partner, too. Hetty had me running around like a moron chasing a leak that didn't exist, but I didn't know that. I had this chart and all these theories and _no_ one to talk to about them. And I really wanted my partner with me then."

"I wanted to be there." He made a face. "I actually asked Granger if I could go help you."

Kensi laughed. "You did? What did he say?"

"Let's just say he said no in a not very nice way. Something about me and Afghanistan sounding like a National Lampoons vacation movie..."

She laughed harder. "Oh, man, I wish you'd recorded that."

He bumped her shoulder. "I was getting desperate. You'd been gone for four months."

She quieted. "I used to imagine what would happen when the mission was over, you know? Coming home?"

"Oh, I know. Trust me, I know. I did, too."

"Then I remember it was never going to happen the way either of us imagined, because the whole thing was fake. And I wonder how long was she going to leave me out there, alone, chasing a fake ghost and hunting a fake leak? Did she have an end game in mind?"

Deeks was taken aback by her question. "I've never thought of it that way. I mean she clearly never meant for what happened to happen, but I don't know what the plan was. And until we were there and found out about Jack, I thought the whole reason you were there was because of me."

"I think she let us believe that to keep us from second guessing the rest of it."

Deeks hesitated before asking, "Do you think about him?"

She didn't have to ask who he was asking about. "Sometimes," she admitted. "I wonder if he's okay. I hope he's okay. If one good thing came from that whole experience, it gave me closure. And I know that sounds cliché, I do. But it's the truth. I'd long since moved past him, but I would always have wondered what happened to him. And now I know." She offered Deeks a smile. "I'm working towards being happy. So, I want him to be happy, too. And being happy does not involve being hunted by the CIA simply because he knows their faces. That's not fair. He finally found peace, so he deserves to be left to it."

Deeks nodded. "I hope he's okay, too. And I'm glad you got the answers you deserve."

"You know, it's almost funny, because there were so many years after he left that I would have done anything to get him back. Even after I had given up hope of ever seeing him again, I still would have taken him back in a moment if he'd appeared on my doorstep. And there I was in a fucking cave in the middle of nowhere with the man I had spent so much time waiting for. And he had given me all the answers I had waited so long for. But do you know what I wanted more than answers?"

"What?"

"You," she whispered, meeting gaze evenly. "I wanted you, Deeks."

His eyes pinched as his cocked his head in response to her quiet honesty. "Kens."

"Some of it's a blur, but I can clearly remember one point where they had left us alone in the cave. And it was freezing. We were huddled together, trying to stay warm. They'd roughed me up a bit already, so most everything already hurt. And Jack had given me all the answers he had. And he'd apologized for hurting me. And I started shivering. And he put his arm around me. And I just wanted so badly for it to be you there with me."

Deeks's arms were around her in an instant, hugging her from the side. He wasn't able to go back in time and be there for her then, but he could be there for her now. "I've got you, Kens."

She leaned into his chest and sighed. "I know. And doesn't this just feel _right_?"

He rested his chin on her shoulder and pressed his face into the side of her neck. "It feels exactly right."

She shivered at the feeling of his scruff rubbing against her skin. "Deeks..." She whispered. She turned her face towards him, pressing her cheek against his mouth. She could feel his hot breaths blowing by her lips.

"Kensi," he murmured. She could feel his chest shuddering against her as his breathing increased. His lips were so damn close to hers. He just had to shift that little bit. He moved against her, a little closer, but not close enough. She felt herself tremble in his arms. "We're not supposed...to be doing...this." He whispered. She could practically taste his words.

"Do you care?"

"I..." He trailed off. "Shouldn't I? Shouldn't we?"

"Deeks..." She practically begged.

He kissed her then, not able to leave her wanting. Not when what she wanted was something he wanted just as badly. He twisted and pressed against her, capturing her lips with his. The kiss was good, but the angle was bad, sending them both sprawling onto the couch towards her. Kensi landed on her back and Deeks was barely able to get a hand out to stop all of his weight from coming down on top of her.

The bewildered look on his face only made the entire situation comical, and Kensi couldn't help but laugh out loud before grasping the collar of his shirt and tugging his lips back down to hers. He was eager to please and didn't hesitate to close the distance between them. His kissed her thoroughly until oxygen became an issue for the both of them. He broke away and trailed a series of kisses down her jaw line to her neck. He shifted his weight over her so one knee was between her legs and when she shifted against him she nearly saw stars.

Her hands moved to the hem of his shirt on their own volition. He allowed her to pull the shirt up and over his head, but he stopped after that, hovering over her, weight on his knees and hands. "Kens," he said, breathing hard. "Maybe we should... Should we stop?"

"Stop?" She echoed.

"We're supposed to be waiting. This wasn't...this wasn't part of the plan."

She ran her hands along his bare sides, looking for traction, wanting to pull him down to her. Wanting him touching her everywhere. Wanting his weight against her, pressing her down. "Deeks. Please."

He shifted his weight to one arm and used his free hand to comb through the hair along the side of her face. "I'm not saying no. I'm saying we need to be sure. There was a reason we were waiting."

She closed her eyes as she tried to remember their reasons in this moment. And it was really difficult to think about anything when Deeks was half naked and on top of her. She took a deep breath. Oh right, they both needed to figure some things out so they could work together towards their things. But they'd figured out a lot so far, so they deserved a reward, right?

She opened her eyes. God, she'd forgotten how blue his eyes were. And how intense his gaze. Why wasn't he touching her?

"I can't remember all our reasons right now, my brain's losing the battle over the blood supply," he admitted, "But I know enough to know we're not in a place that we're ready for our thing."

"Would one night be so bad?" It's not like there hadn't already been one night. And a few stolen kisses. And a number of semi-platonic hugs and snuggles on various couches. "We did almost die today; I don't want to regret not...spending this time with you when we have the chance." And she almost died in Afghanistan, she told herself. And all she'd wanted was him. And he'd shared a huge burden with her today. And they'd _really_ talked; that was a huge step for them. They deserved this.

"As long as we don't regret anything," he agreed.

"No regrets," she assured, taking advantage of his position to half-sit up and pull her top off, leaving herself in only her bra. "Just one night."

He closed the distance between them as she lay back down, returning his lips to the trail they had been making down her neck. "Good," he murmured. "I'll do anything to not have any regrets, Kens. Not with you. We have one chance to get this right," he murmured against her. "I'll do anything. It's all I want."

_One chance to get this right._

Tears sprang to her eyes and she reached around him to place a hand on the middle of his back, between his shoulder blades. "Deeks," she whispered.

"Kens," he murmured back.

It broke her heart, but she had to stop him.

"Deeks, stop," she breathed. He did.

His head popped up from its path down her chest. "Kensi?" he quickly noted her tears. "Hey, what is it?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"We have once chance to get this right."

He stared at her for a long moment, and she got the distinct impression he was reading her thoughts. And then he sighed in understanding and shook his head. "And one night wouldn't be okay."

"One night would be fine," she whispered. "One night isn't the problem. I don't know about you, but there's no way in hell if we spent tonight together-"

"That we could leave it at one night," he finished for her.

She nodded.

He released a heavy sighed and shifted so he was between her and the back of the couch, his weight no longer pressing down on her. She immediately missed the contact. "I'm sorry."

"No, hey, this is not your fault. Not at all. You're right. This is just...more complicated than I guess either one of us thought."

She sat up and he followed her. He picked up both their shirts and passed her hers.

"It feels like we're doing this without a plan, but I do think we're doing the right thing," she told him. "It feels like we're doing the right thing." She paused to pull her shirt back over her head. "I mean, it sucks, not being able to...do what we both clearly want to do..." She met his eyes and smiled when he offered her a soft smile, "But I think we're doing the right thing."

"I think so, too," he told her. "Even if it sucks right now."

Kensi sighed. "This is going to be harder than we thought, isn't it?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "I wish it was easier."

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Me too."

"I'm sorry we haven't accomplished more."

Kensi almost found herself agreeing, but then shook her head. "We can't rush it, Deeks. We've made a lot of progress. Think about how much we've talked about."

"And we're learning _how_ to talk."

She smiled and nudged him. "We're communicating."

"Well, I am known for my awesome communication skills."


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Sorry this wasn't up sooner. I had most of it finished when I posted the last chapter, but wanted to get basics of chapter 4 down to make sure this one flowed before I posted, and ended up making some fairly significant changes to this chapter... Hopefully, the changes were for the better. **_

_**In chapter 2, they were very eager, but there were some bumps along the way and they needed to figure out their new rules. This chapter is very much about forward progress - both Kensi and Deeks need to make some individual progress. I tried really hard to make it both realistic and fun. I think in a few places it's lacking the show's characteristic humour that we all love, but it kind of couldn't be helped because a few things do need to be addressed. But Kensi and Deeks are still Kensi and Deeks, both together and apart, so there's as much humour as I could fit. The next chapter (which I hope to have up in the next week) will be about them making progress together. **_

**X**

**I'm counting on us...**

After almost spending their second night together at his place, they take a step back; from each other, not from their progress.

Neither of them verbalize it, but they both silently understand that they're not making it any easier on each other or themselves acting like a couple without the benefits. They're still partners. Still best friends. Still working towards something much more significant. They still joke and tease each other, still share lunch at work and grab drinks after work. They still have movie nights, but return to their respective apartments at respectable times without question. They go out for dinner (anything but tacos), but avoid the term 'date' at all costs. They still spend mornings off together, but not all the time and no longer is it assumed. They make efforts to take some space and spend some time apart. They are, after all, supposed to be taking this time to focus on themselves so they can be better together.

It's on one of those mornings off that they're not spending together that a bomb goes off during a marine charity event at the beach.

In the name of personal improvement, Kensi had decided she would learn how to cook. After searching the internet for recipes and finding she was grossly overwhelmed, she had scaled back her goal to a much more reasonable task of learning how to cook breakfast. This Saturday was her fourth day attempting to cook eggs over easy in a frying pan, and the first time she had managed to cook two on the first try without burning them and without leaving them too runny. She'd been smiling, proud of herself, when her phone rang.

The news had flooded her with memories of innumerable similar events she had attended with her father growing up. She couldn't imagine what she would have done had something like this happened at any one of them.

In her hurry to get out the door, it was all she could do to remember to turn off the stove. She never did get to eat the eggs.

When Deeks showed up in surf shorts and sandals and _no one_ made a single joke or comment, it only served to emphasize the seriousness of the situation. She almost wished someone would make a joke because at least then it would be _normal_.

"What's going on with you? You've been sulking since Sunset Boulevard." Deeks inquires when they stop to question a man who is supposed to have some answers.

"I was a marine brat. We used to go to events like that all the time," she tells him. And it's not lost on either of them how easily she's sharing this information about her past with him. She wonders just how recently she would have told him she was fine? "It's just close to home, that's all."

Even more surprising than how easy it is to share her feelings with him is how much better she feels after. Because it reminds her she's not alone. It's nice to have someone to share these feelings with. She's come to depend on having him there for things like this and she kind of thinks she likes it.

"Kensi, we're going to get these guys," he tells her.

"Damn right," she agrees.

And when it turns out the man they question got his information from 'the aliens' they make a quick exit with no more than a, "So, that just happened," from Deeks. But how often is it really that a witness provides information second hand on behalf of extraterrestrials?

In the car on the way back to OPs, she manages a somewhat clever 'close encounters' joke and is rewarded with a chuckle from her partner. And a 'probed' joke. She laughs and for a minute things are almost normal.

They sober quickly and fall silent.

"I cooked breakfast this morning," she tells him. She doesn't know why it's important to tell him, but she wants him to know. It's almost as if she's making sure he knows she's working on something, too. And she needs something physical to do while she's focused on herself. And she knows he'll understand what she's really telling him.

"I didn't think you cooked. Ever."

"I don't. Didn't. Decided to learn."

He glances at her and smiles. "What did you make?"

"Eggs."

"How were they?"

She shrugs. "I didn't get to eat them. I was just about to get them out of the frying pan when Eric called." She shakes her head. "They're still sitting there on the stove. And there's bread in the toaster. My breakfast, all ready to go, still sitting there, all ruined."

He sighs. "I'm sorry you didn't get to eat your breakfast." He pauses. "But I am glad you learned how to turn on the stove."

She rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

"Maybe you can cook me breakfast one day?" he says lightly.

She stops the SRX at a red light and looks over to meet his eyes. "I'm counting on it."

**X**

**We can have our cake and eat it too...**

Later that afternoon, Kensi and Deeks are enjoying a piece of Rodger's retirement cake on the rooftop deck of the building their team had saved from being blown up less than twenty minutes earlier. After racing to the top floor to evacuate the party, they'd gotten as far as disrupting the entire group of people and getting everyone into the stairwell when Callen had called up that they'd found and neutralized the bomb in the basement. Kensi and Deeks had stopped the evacuation. Rodger had been surprisingly understanding; had said his retirement party would go down in history as the most exciting thing to ever happen at the office, and had insisted they stay for cake.

It was a little surreal, standing together thirty floors up, staring out at the LA sky-scrape, eating cake, as they came down from their adrenaline high. They both knew how close they had come to not being here. When Callen commented on the seriousness of the situation, you knew things were pretty dire.

"This is some seriously awesome cake," Deeks says for what has to be the third time at least.

She laughs. "I feel a little bad for Callen and Sam. We should really get down there."

"They can handle it."

She shoots him a look.

"Fine; we'll take them a piece of cake."

She laughs. "You know Sam will never eat it."

"More for us, then."

Kensi shakes her head. "You're impossible."

He huffs good naturedly. "It's a nice party, though, right? We should do something like this for our retirement party."

"_Our_ retirement party?" She asks, raising an eyebrow.

He nods. "Partners, Kens. What makes you think I'm letting you retire without me? Monty junior-junior and I aren't sitting on that beach without you."

"Do you know how far away retirement is?" She asks. "What makes you think I'm putting up with you as my partner for that long?"

Deeks smirks. "Cause I'm an awesome partner. I'm, like, three hundred and sixty five days a year of awesome."

"You're three hundred and sixty five days of something alright."

He scoffs. "That's hurtful," he mock complains.

She shakes her head. "And you know what's wrong with your little plan, _partner_?"

"My unwilling partner?" He lobs at her with a wry smile.

"Oh, your partner is willing, you know that," she shoots back at him. "But do you think you're going to be allowed to keep _liaising_ that long, _detective_?"

He opens his mouth and then scratches at his hair with the hand not holding his plate. "No, probably not. I should... I should probably do something about that, huh?"

Other than the odd quip over the years about his status, this was the first time either had addressed it so directly. "Do you want to do something about it?" She asks carefully.

He moves his shoulders upwards in a move that may have started out as a shrug, but then thinks better of it. He scratches at the scruff along his jaw line, clearly thrown off by the question.

She takes the empty plate out of his hand. "You don't need an answer right now, Deeks. But we do need to get going."

They toss the empty plates, says goodbye and congratulations to Rodger, pick up two extra slices of cake for Callen and Sam, and get in the elevator.

Kensi watches the numbers change on the digital display as the elevator descends towards the lobby. She glances at her partner, who is deep in thought. She clears her throat, drawing his attention. "For the record, Deeks; LAPD or NCIS, you're my partner. I don't care if you're a detective or an agent."

"Thank you," he tells her, his tone uncharacteristically quiet. "That's...good to know." He sighs before admitting, "I don't want to go back. To LAPD. Ever. At NCIS I feel..."

"Like you belong," she finishes for him.

He nods.

"That's because you do."

He stares at her, but she can't tell if he believes her or not. "But there's something stopping me from...making the change."

She wants to point out that the only change would be to his title, but holds her tongue, knowing this is his decision to make. "What's stopping you?"

"I don't know, Kens. I wish... I wish I understood better."

She offers him a supportive smile. "You will."

The elevator reaches the lobby and the doors opened. Callen and Sam are there waiting.

"We were just about come searching for you."

"Compliments of Rodger," Deeks announces, offering the plates of cake. "He thanks you for saving his retirement party. Oh, and his life."

Callen, as expected eagerly accepts the offered treat. Also, as expected, Sam refuses. Deeks grins and he and Kensi share their second slice on the way back to the car, trading the fork back and forth without thought.

**X**

**Those little things can mean the most...**

They don't talk again about Deeks's employment status. Deeks doesn't bring it up, so Kensi doesn't either. She's made it clear to him that it doesn't matter to her if he's an NCIS agent or LADP detective and that is the truth. It doesn't affect their ability to be partners. And she's made her feelings about him and them and their partnership perfectly clear.

She hadn't thought he'd ever want to go back to LAPD, but had been surprised by how much it had helped simply to hear him verbalize the sentiment to her. So, hopefully they had both gotten something out of their recent conversation.

Apparently this whole communication thing is actually pretty damn helpful.

Even though he doesn't talk about it, she knows he's thinking about it. She catches him staring at his new nameplate more than once. He sits at his desk, holding it in his hands, running his fingers across his engraved name.

She doesn't know why it took Hetty so many years to get him a nameplate for his desk. Kensi had first noticed it sitting on his desk when she had returned from Afghanistan. She hadn't said anything to Deeks, but she often watched him touching the new keepsake. And always after he stares at it he places it carefully back down on the front of his desk, making sure the edges are lined up with the front of the desk. _Just like everyone else's_. It's important to him; more than he'll ever admit.

She also watches as he starts making changes.

Suddenly he's in early everyday because he's getting up extra early to run, surf or work out. He spends more time in the gym with Sam, allowing the senior agent to teach him some different fighting techniques. No longer is he resistant to anything that suggests his LAPD training wasn't enough. More often than not, they return from the gym with Sam biting back a laugh and Deeks limping. But he never backs down. And then one day Deeks is looking a little triumphant and Sam is looking a little sore, but also a little proud.

He starts making smoothies at work every morning. A different colour every day as he experiments with different fruits, veggies and proteins. The team watches with differing degrees of interest each day, sometimes accepting a glass, sometimes not, depending on the colour, consistency and ingredients they'd watched him add that morning.

He says he's making changes; being healthy. Kensi's enjoying the spectacle, and more often than not enjoying the smoothies. She's a little worried he's overcompensating, though. She wonders if he's struggling to change the parts he wants to in order to be with her, so he's focusing on something he knows how to change. She debates if she should bring it up with him, and if so, how?

But then she watches him talk Callen and Sam into accepting glasses of _very_ pink smoothies one morning and wonders when he had ever talked Callen and Sam into anything before? If one good thing came from her exile to Afghanistan, it was this. Because before she left, he was part of the team, but now there's something much more personal between her partner and Callen and Sam.

Sam sniffs suspiciously at his glass before taking a sip. "Wow, Deeks, this is actually good. Best one yet."

Callen follows his partner's lead. "Second best," he says, "Not as good as the green one last week with all the kiwi in it."

"Ooh, that one was good," Sam recalls. He takes a second sip and considers for a moment, before shaking his head. "But I still think I like this one better."

Kensi watches for a moment in near disbelief at the scene in front of her before glaring at her partner. "Hey? Where's mine?" She prompts.

"Coming right up, Kensalina," he responds easily, before presenting her with a glass of her own, complete with a little drink umbrella.

The umbrella, of course, causes him to get good natured ribbing from the boys. And though she laughs and joins in the fun, her heart warms at his affection. When she's done her drink, she carefully wipes the umbrella free of smoothie and places it in her pencil holder, unable to let his simple gift go.

The next morning, Deeks comes prepared with fruit spears for all of their drinks.

**X**

**I overreact sometimes...**

It was a hell of a case.

Sam and Called nearly died on a submarine filled with explosives. Kensi and Deeks had fought far beyond their breaking points to save the other half of their team before their luck ran out.

Hetty was gone. Called to Washington to face the repercussions of her actions in sending Kensi to Afghanistan and withholding a significant amount of information from a significant number of people. The future leadership of their team was up in the air. And there was probably more to the whole Afghanistan thing than Kensi had ever realized.

Nell was acting strange. Like, extra strange, even for Nell. And Eric wasn't too far behind. Something was going on there, too.

And to make it all worse, she and Deeks hadn't exactly worked the case harmoniously. In the moments where they had had to be only partners, they had exceeded brilliantly. After four years of partnership, they hadn't missed a beat. But the rest of the time hadn't been so smooth.

Kensi knew she had overreacted. After she'd returned from Afghanistan, Deeks had told her about the many temporary partners he'd been forced to work with in her absence. The DEA agent had been on the list, but Kensi hadn't thought twice about her until she'd shown up at a crime scene, interrupting a moment between Kensi and her team.

She could take the Malibu Barbie comments. She could accept she wasn't the only badass, female undercover federal agent in town. She could even accept that the other badass female undercover federal agent in town was clearly attracted to _her_ partner. He was attractive; that wasn't a secret. She trusted him. She knew he was dedicated to working towards their thing with her. She knew he hadn't done anything then and wouldn't do anything now.

But Talia had walked up to them outside the house where Kensi had almost taken a bullet to the head while picking the lock, so comfortable with _Kensi's_ team. And called _Kensi's_ _partner_, partner. And had clearly shared enough with Deeks to know _about_ Kensi and her mission. And Kensi had overreacted.

She'd overreacted, and it had escalated. And there had been tension between her and Deeks. And then Callen and Sam had disappeared in a submarine, so they hadn't exactly had time to talk things out. And when they weren't busy being partners and fighting to save Callen and Sam, the tension was escalating and more often than not, they were bickering and struggling not to be at each other's throats.

Which led her to where she was now, pacing back and forth in front of her partner's front door.

He'd called her beautiful and she'd slugged him for it. Even now, she had no explanation for it.

Kensi sighs and runs her hand through her hair, frustrated. Had she really come all the way over here to tell him she had no explanation? No, she'd assumed an explanation would come. But none had during the drive over or during the first ten minutes she'd spent pacing.

It was late. She was beyond exhausted. She didn't even know if he was awake. It had taken them two days to find Callen and Sam, during which they hadn't slept and had barely stopped to sit or eat. She should come back in the morning and try to have this conversation when they'd both gotten some rest.

She turns to leave, only to feel her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulls it out to find a text from her partner;

_Not coming in?_

"Crap," she mutters to herself. Of course he knows she's here. He'd probably known the whole time she'd been pacing.

When she doesn't move, he sends another text;

_I have beer._

She smiles and turns back for his front door. She doesn't bother to knock; just lets herself in. Deeks is sitting on his side of the couch, nursing a bottle of beer. There is a fresh, open bottle sitting on the coffee table waiting for her. Monty is asleep on the floor beside the couch.

She snags the bottle on her way by and collapses onto the couch next to him. She takes a long swig and glances at her partner. He's gazing at her, his expression filled with patience and understanding. It pisses her off because she doesn't think she deserves it.

"I'm sorry I overreacted," she tells him. Better to just get it out there.

He raises an eyebrow, clearly surprised at her apology. And that pisses her off even more. Because she owes him a damn apology and they both know it, and he shouldn't be surprised.

"God, Deeks, this is all so screwed up. I don't know why I..." She trails off, suddenly horrified at the lump in her throat. She will not cry over this. She will not. Absolutely not.

"Kens-"

She holds up her hand to stop him. She will not let him talk her down or feel better about this. It's her issue to fix, not his. She swallows the lump in her throat. "I don't know why I acted like that."

"You didn't like Talia." He shrugs. "That's okay."

She shakes her head. "It wasn't that I didn't like her. She actually seemed pretty cool at the end. I just...I was..."

"Jealous?" He offers cautiously.

Yeah, that sounds about right. She sighs. "Yeah, maybe. But not..." She trails off.

He reaches a hand for her free hand. "Kensi, you know what I want. The only reason I'm not _with_ you is so I can..."

"Work towards being with me," she finishes for him. "I know, Deeks. I really do know that. And I really do trust you."

He nods. "Good. Cause I would never-"

She cuts him off again. "I know, Deeks. I promise. It wasn't _that_ I was jealous of exactly. It was...she just...showed up and was so comfortable around _my _partner and _my_ team. And she called you 'partner.' And she got to be there with you and the guys when I didn't."

He squeezes her hand. "For one case only, Kens. You've been there for hundreds. And we'd all much rather have you."

She smiles at him speaking for the team. "You got closer to them, while I was gone."

He shrugs.

"It's a good thing, Deeks. A really good thing. And I'm happy to see it. But it means a lot of cases I don't know about. And inside jokes I'm on the outside of."

He opens his mouth to say something, but she holds up her hand, asking him to wait.

"And if it was a normal assignment I'd been on, I'd get over it. But with Hetty stonewalling me about what's going on now, and knowing that whole assignment was her doing..."

"It made you feel like you were put on the outside on purpose."

She nods. "And for no reason."

"I'm sorry we made you feel that way."

"I don't feel that way most of the time. Really, most of the time I'm glad to see you closer to Callen and Sam than before. But I was reminded of the reason for my absence, and then Talia shows up and she was just so comfortable around you guys and she got to be there when I didn't." She sighs. "And maybe just a little bit I didn't like the way she looked at you..."

"I get it." He cocks his head. "And you're right. It wasn't fair that you got sent away." He squeezes her hand again. "I don't know how to make you feel better when you feel like you're on the outside, other than to remind you how glad we all are that you're back."

"Maybe just keep reminding me?" She asks quietly. It was nice to be reminded. She wasn't used to being wanted. That was a relatively new thing in the life of Kensi Blye. And it was hard not to question it when it happened.

He nods emphatically. "I can definitely do that. _We_ can definitely do that," he speaks for the team again and it makes her smile.

"Please don't make a big deal-"

It was his turn to cut her off. "Come on, Kens, 'Big Deal' is my middle name." He looks so proud of his joke that she can't help but laugh.

"You're an idiot," she tells him.

"Too bad you're stuck with me."

He's joking, but he's also serious, and it sobers her. Because she's more than happy to be stuck with him.

"I'm sorry I hit you," she tells him.

"Which time?" He's smiling as he asks her the question, so she knows she's already forgiven.

"The third time."

"Ah, you're response to being called beautiful."

She makes a face. "Yeah, again, I don't know why I respond that way..."

"So, does this mean I'm not allowed to call you beautiful? I can call you ugly if you want?" He offers mockingly. "But people would probably think it's weird. Not to mention, it's a blatant lie."

She swallows hard at that and runs her hand through her hair subconsciously. She knows she's good looking. Her looks have been both a blessing and a curse. And she's learned how to use them expertly in her job. But somehow when _he_ looks at her, it changes everything.

"I'm going to risk it," he announces, before telling her, "You're beautiful, Kensi. Absolutely breathtakingly, gorgeously beautiful."

She feels her cheeks blush, but fights the urge to look away. "Thank you, Deeks," she says quietly.

He beams at her. "See! Look how easy that was to use our words instead of our fists!"

His comment almost earns him another playful punch to the shoulder, but instead she leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek.

**X**

**We're a team, we're a family...**

It's two weeks later and much is still up in the air, but Callen and Sam are cleared for field work for the first time since their most recent near death experience on the submarine. It's been a long two weeks with two very unhappy field agents stuck behind desks when they refused to stay home to recover from their little escapade on the submarine. Kensi arrives at work to find all three boys already at their desks. Deeks has already made his morning smoothie, and there's a glass filled with a yellow concoction sitting on her desk, which she seriously hopes has pineapple in it. Beside the glass is a box of her favourite donuts, which she hasn't had since Callen's unfortunate comment a few months earlier.

An awesome smoothie and the best donuts in the world? It's going to be a good morning.

She cheerfully greets her co-workers, but is surprised when Callen stands before she can sit. He steps into her personal space and before she can figure out what he's doing or make any move to stop him, he's hugging her. "Morning, Kens," he greets cheerfully.

"Uh," she stammers, "Morning?" She awkwardly pats him on the back. "What's going on?" She knows he's relieved to be cleared for fieldwork, but this is weird, even for Callen.

"What's going on is I'm not going to let you go until my favourite agent gives me a real hug."

She laughs and hugs him back. He releases her with a kiss to the cheek.

She's about to comment on the weirdness of the situation, but then Sam is right there also pulling her into a hug. "Okay, what's going on?" She demands.

Sam chuckles, but doesn't let her out of a tight hug. "Can't a team show one of its members how important they are?"

"We're glad you're here, Kens," Callen added.

Sam releases her, also pressing a kiss to her cheek. "And given a choice, we'd always choose you, Kensalino. We missed you when you weren't here."

"Things just weren't the same without you," Callen said.

There was no way Callen and Sam had just all of a sudden decided to show their affection towards her without a nudge from a certain partner of hers. And as much as her first thought is to pummel him a little bit for creating this spectacle, it is really thoughtful.

And really nice to hear.

She stifles to urge to avoid her feelings by lashing out physically. The old her may not have tolerated this, but she knows she's changed since Afghanistan. The new Kensi doesn't mind admitting that she has some emotion...sometimes. And this is her team, her _family_.

"Okay, me next," Deeks said, cutting in and pulling her into a tight hug. "Partner hug," he announces.

"I hate you," she murmurs, the old Kensi needing to show up just a little bit because the new Kensi is very much overwhelmed and needs a moment.

He chuckles. "I didn't tell them what to say; I just mentioned we could maybe say something."

She closes her eyes and allows him to hold her as long as they can get away with in front of Callen and Sam. "Thank you," she whispers.

He reluctantly releases her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, right at the corner of her mouth. "That's what a team is for."

**X**

**Changes, changes...**

When things are starting to settled down at OSP, Nate 'drops by for a visit.' He tells them he happened to be in town for a few days and wanted to spend some time in the office. No one believes him, but they're all happy to see him so he's welcome as long as he wants to be there.

She walks into work one morning to find him sitting at Sam's desk, having morning smoothies with Deeks and Callen.

"Look who we found hanging around this morning," Callen says.

"Thought the least we could do is feed him," Deeks chimes in.

"As long as he doesn't get my share of smoothie," she banters playfully, smiling as Nate stands and moves to hug her. "Hey, stranger," she greets. "Where have you been?"

"Here and there," he not-so-subtly brushes off her question.

Callen chuckles. "He clearly still thinks he's a super spy."

"I could be," Nate argues. "Maybe I am but I'm not allowed to tell you. Did you ever think of that?"

"No." Callen, Kensi and Deeks say at the same time.

Kensi laughs and playfully nudges him. "Seriously, how have you been? It's been a long time."

"I've been good. I was here in the winter, actually." He motioned his head towards Deeks. "Got to tag along with your partner for a case."

Kensi nods. "I heard."

"He's a pretty good partner. You trained him well."

She laughs. Same old Nate with the slightly awkward jokes.

"Hey!" Deeks exclaims. "For that, I'm taking back the smoothie. And I'll have you know it's not exactly easy being her partner, either. Takes a lot of patience."

She shoots him a glare.

Nate nods. "I know. I was her partner, too, once."

"For one case," she points out. "Where you tried to handcuff the suspect's feet together. Pretty sure it was _me_ who had to be patient."

Nate laughs. "It's really good to see you, Kensi. I was worried...when I heard about what happened in Afghanistan. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad to see you doing so well."

She lifts her hand, her instinct to give him a playful shove in his shoulder and retreat to her desk, but she's learning to allow herself to feel these emotions now, not avoid them. Instead, she cautiously reaches out and quickly grasps his hand with hers. "Thank you, Nate. I am doing well. And I owe that to my team."

The psychologist smiles at her, his analytical gaze taking in all the changes. His smile tells her he was happy with what he was seeing. "I'm sure you'll return the favour soon enough."

"Oh, she already has," Sam says, arriving at just the right time to hear their exchange. "Did they tell you about the submarine?"

"Most epic rescue ever!" Deeks chimes in.

**X**

**What makes you different from the rest of the team?**

It was nice having Nate back in the office to visit. The psychologist had left OSP shortly after Deeks had begun his full time liaison duties, but had been back often enough that he'd gotten to know him fairly well. Or, as well as you could get to know an operational psychologist and profiler trained by Henrietta Lange, of course. And he'd never forget how much Nate had helped him when he'd been struggling so very much after his abduction and torture the previous year.

Deeks hadn't come into his liaison position with a positive view on psychologists. Eleven year olds who shoot their fathers end up in therapy. So, eleven year old Martin Brandel had gone to a counsellor who had focussed on all the wrong things and all eleven year old Marty had learned was to internalize and blame himself.

Nate wasn't what he would have expected for an operational psychologist or profiler. But Deeks prided himself on being open minded, so if one of the profession could be like Nate then he was sure there were others.

It was particularly early when Deeks arrives in the office. He'd gotten up to surf, but the waves just weren't worth it, so he'd gone for a short run instead, and found himself at work far earlier than planned.

He set the bag of today's fruit down next to the blender for later and turned back to his desk. He sat and turned on his computer. Their caseload had been relatively quiet lately, but he still needed to file a weekly report with LAPD, so he'd get started on that, regardless of the fact that he was pretty sure no one ever read them. Another item to add to his mental list of reasons to make the big change.

He pulled up the base template and began typing, immediately feeling eyes on him from above, but choosing to ignore them. After a few minutes, the presence moved along the railing and quietly down the stairs. When they were close, Deeks lifted his head and looked directly towards them.

"Can I help you, Nate?"

Nate blinked. "How long did you know I was here?"

"You mean how long did I know you were spying on me? Since I sat down."

Nate made a face. "I wouldn't say I was spying, necessarily. I'd call it observing. I am an operational psychologist after all."

Deeks chuckled. "Is there something specific that you're observing for?"

Nate considered him for a moment before walking closer. "I just want to check in with the team, make sure everyone is...where they should be."

"And where should we be?"

That made Nate smile.

Deeks shook his head. "What?"

"I think you're right where you should be."

"Oh-kay...Does that mean we're done?" He asked, knowing it wasn't the case.

"We will be soon if we can talk now."

"You shrinks and your mind games," he joked. "I could be doing really important paperwork here."

"It's seven thirty in the morning. And no one else is here."

"Which begs the question; why are _you_ here?"

Nate shrugged. "Haven't adapted to the time zone yet." He nodded at Deeks. "Same question back to you; why are you here so early?"

Deeks sighed, knowing he'd lost this round. He may as well get this conversation over with, knowing it was one of those not-really-mandatory, but yeah-actually-it-is-mandatory talks. "Fine, but I'm not doing this with you standing over me. Pull up a chair." He waved his hand in front of his desk.

Nate pulled Callen's chair around so he was sitting across from Deeks on the other side of his desk.

"Simple answer to your question is I got up early to surf, but the surf was flat this morning so I went for a run, but that doesn't take as long."

"So, you came in here."

Deeks nodded.

"You said 'simple answer.'"

Again, Deeks nodded, then off Nate's look, huffed and explained, "I've been making some changes. Working out every day, eating healthier, getting to work earlier, trying to...better myself."

Nate nodded. "For any particular reason?"

Deeks nodded. "Yes," he answered truthfully.

"Which is?"

"Personal."

"Fair enough," Nate said, keeping very neutral. "And how is it going?"

"Good. I'm feeling good." He hesitated for a moment, before adding, "And I like feeling like I'm accomplishing something for myself." He'd been happy with the changes he'd been making for himself, but even more happy with himself for _making_ the changes. It proved to him that he _could_ change.

Nate cocked his head just slightly, saying nothing.

Deeks knew he was waiting, pushing him to say more, and as much as he doesn't want to fall for it, he hates silence so he can't help but want to continue. "I guess a lot of things have just happened to me the last few years, so it's nice to actively make something happen for once."

"These things that have happened to you; bad things?"

Deeks shook his head. "Not necessarily."

"Can you give me an example?"

"NCIS. I didn't come looking for you guys. We bumped into each other undercover. I thought I'd never see you again, and then Hetty just shows up with the Liaison paperwork all filled out and ready to be signed. And don't get me wrong; NCIS was the best thing that could have happened to me, but I had nothing to do with it happening to me."

Nate nodded. "I get it." He paused. "Have you thought about making the move to becoming an NCIS agent?"

Deeks huffs out a laugh. He runs his hands through his hair. "Oh, only every day," he says dryly. It's been on his mind more and more lately. Knowing he has his partner's blessing to make his own choice helps a lot, but he's still confused. Part of his wants desperately to sign the damn paperwork already, but something is still holding him back and he just can't figure out what that something is.

"Is there something stopping you?"

"Me."

Nate hesitated for a moment. "It's been four years, Deeks. What's stopping you?"

"That's what I can't figure out. I don't want to go back to LAPD. I want to stay here. But there's something inside of me that just...stops the thought, you know?"

Nate nodded thoughtfully. "Have you talked to your partner about this?"

"I've talked to Kensi. She said it doesn't matter to her, as long as I'm her partner."

"You two have come a long way as partners. I still remember visiting during that first year..."

Deeks laughed. "I remember living through that first year...or, barely living through that first year." There were more times than he could count on his fingers that he had actually thought he'd pushed her too far and things may end in bloodshed. She'd intrigued him from day one. And though these feelings he now had for his partner had developed some time later, he'd _always_ been able to see more of her than she'd wanted him to, had always been able to read her more than she'd liked. And he hadn't been able to resist the urge to push for _more_, despite how much he _knew_ it infuriated his new partner. But that initial connection they had had slowly turned into a shaky partnership, which had developed into a very solid partnership.

Which somewhere over the last four years had turned into _so much more_.

"But you're where you are now. And she supports you."

Deeks nodded, knowing it was the truth. His partner was the best thing in his life. Her support was what gave him the strength to want to make himself better, gave him the _belief _that he could be better. "Detective or agent, she said it doesn't matter to her, as long as I'm working here. Because it doesn't affect my ability to do my job."

Nate nodded. "Right, but that's not the only thing to consider."

"What do you mean?"

"What's it doing to you to stay as the liaison officer? What's the effect on you?"

Deeks stared at Nate for a long moment. He didn't have an answer, but was surprised by how much he didn't like the question. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that Nate was onto something Deeks hadn't yet figured out. He chose to shrug in response.

"What makes you different from the rest of the team? From Kensi and Callen and Sam? Other than the obvious; you're LAPD, they're NCIS. Other than training."

Deeks thought for a moment and shrugged again. "I don't know."

Nate smiled. "Think about it. It'll mean more when you can answer the question for yourself."

Deeks released a long sigh. "You and your questions."

"Did you ever answer my last one?"

_What's the one ingredient that makes your partnership distinct from the rest?_

Deeks nodded. "I did."

Nate smiled. "And let me guess. It's 'personal'?" His tone echoed Deeks earlier response so clearly that Deeks knew without a doubt that Nate had seen right through everything he had tried to hide.

He cleared his throat. "Yes, it is."

Nate nodded. "That's okay." He offered Deeks a genuine smile. "I don't need to know the answer, but I am glad you figured it out. I was concerned about you after your abduction and torture. But it's like you said; you didn't choose this."

"No one chooses that."

Nate shook his head. "No, but you didn't choose NCIS. Part of this job that you do now involves that kind of risk, and you learned that the hard way. That wasn't necessarily the case with LAPD, was it?"

"Russian psychos with stolen nukes and electric drills? No, definitely not."

"I think part of your decision to come back to work was coming to terms with the fact that you were accepting that you were now making the choice to work in a place where something like this could happen again."

Deeks nodded. "I don't think I would have agreed at the time, but looking back now, that makes sense." He could remember the confusion and despair he had felt. The struggle to face each day. The weeks he had lived dreading the future and the choice he would have to make.

"Do you think that's part of your hesitation now to become an NCIS agent?"

There was no hesitation in his mind when he shook his head. "No. I came to terms with what happened. And I'm okay with it now. I can't say I'm okay with it happening again, but I can rationalize it happening again, if that makes sense? It happened, I lived, I recovered, I moved on. I see the greater good. And I want to be here to keep fighting for the greater good, no matter the cost. I'm cognizant of the fact that it could happen again, and I'm okay with that."

Nate offered him a warm smile. "Another choice you've made for yourself which you can be proud of."

Deeks allowed himself to smile back. He'd been making more and more of those lately. "Does that mean we're done?"

"Good try, but not quite."

Deeks huffed. "What's next?"

"I want to talk about Afghanistan."

Deeks sat back on his chair and took a steadying breath. "What about it?" He did not want to talk about Afghanistan anymore, but he knew Nate would keep bringing it up until it was done.

"It was a difficult time for everyone."

Deeks nodded.

"You almost lost your partner."

He nodded again. "But I didn't. She's here and she's fine."

"And you could have lost your team."

"But they're here and they're fine."

"Thanks to you, from what I here."

Deeks ran a hand through his hair. "We're a team. I got lucky; had good timing. What are you looking for me to say here, Nate?"

"Whatever you want me to know. It wasn't that long ago, and I know you're all still feeling the effects..." He glanced over his shoulder at Hetty's still-empty desk.

"Fine. Kensi should never have been there. It was a bogus mission, and I'm mad at Hetty for putting her in harm's way for that, because she was the only one with NCIS who knew the white ghost was made up. But I'm more mad at Hetty for her judgement lapse than anything else, because she should be here with us, not wherever she is now. One bad decision doesn't negate all the good she's done. I mean, we'll never be able to trust her like we did before, but she should still be here, you know?"

"If Kensi hadn't made it-"

"Then I would never have been able to forgive Hetty," Deeks finished without hesitation. It was a thought he'd gone over several times in his head in the first few weeks after Kensi had been brought home. "If we hadn't been able to get her out of there, I would have blamed Hetty for the rest of my life. She sent her there and she let me think it was my fault the whole time." He paused for a breath. "I understand her reasoning now. And because Kensi is alive and okay, I can move forward. And because I owe Hetty my life, because she got me out of LAPD and I know I would have died alone undercover eventually, I will forgive her and move on."

"You've thought about this." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"Have you talked to the team about it?"

"I've talked to Kensi about it."

"Okay," Nate said, effectively letting that part go. "And how are you doing with almost losing your partner? Any trouble sleeping?"

He hesitated, not wanting to share, but then figured he may as well continue. "I had a little trouble sleeping at first, but I think I was afraid I'd have nightmares or something."

"Did you?"

"Sort of. Only once. Not exactly a nightmare. Well, it was nightmare, but not scary or anything... I dreamt that I had been too late in the helicopter. When I got there they were all dead. Kensi. Callen and Sam. Even Granger. But the dream wasn't really about that part, it was about after. I had to get on the plane home all by myself."

"So it was about your failure?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

"But you didn't fail them, Deeks. You saved them all by arriving when you did."

He took a breath. "I know." He slowly released the breath. "I only had the dream once."

"Did it make you feel like you weren't really part of the team?"

Deeks looked at the psychologist for a long moment. "Maybe? It's hard to remember. I'd rather die with them as part of the team, than not be part of the team and live."

Nate nodded. "I already knew that."

**X**

**We're partners, we're learning, we may even start acting like each other...**

She's always reminded how irritating her partner can be around hour four of a stakeout.

They spend the first hour going over details of the case. The second hour they usual settle in, have something to eat, make some educated guesses about where the case could lead. By the third hour, there's not much new to say, so they repeat a lot. The jokes have been told, the details are getting old. Deeks is getting bored. So, by the fourth hour, he gets chatty and fidgety. And she gets irritated.

So, when they reach hour five and he's uncharacteristically quiet and un-irritating she knows something is off. Because this has never happened before.

She wants to say something, but she also doesn't want to push. Something's on his mind. She can tell because he's fidgeting; his fingers are twitching, scratching against the material of his jeans or the side of the car. Bored Deeks fidgets in big ways. Apprehensive Deeks is still save for his fingers.

"I don't think this guy is coming out till morning," she comments.

"I think you're right." He glances at the time on his phone. "Just two more hours until Callen and Sam relieve us. Knowing their luck, the guy'll probably leave right before they show up."

She nods her agreement. "Probably."

He sighs.

"You okay over there?"

"I'm fine."

She sighs. "Isn't that my line?" She tries to joke.

"They do say partners start to sound like each other..."

Kensi huffs and runs her hand through her hair. "That's all you have to say?"

"What do you want me to say?"

She glares at him. "I want you to tell me why you're acting weird," she demands.

He raises an eyebrow. "I think you're the one who's acting weird."

Irritated, she runs her hand through her hair again and turns her attention back to the building down the block. She glares straight forward through the windshield. But her oddly quiet partner is still sitting next to her and it's distracting, so after a minute she begins tapping her hand against the steering wheel. After another minute, she realizes her foot is also tapping against the floor of the car.

"It seems I'm starting to sound like you and you're starting to act like me," Deeks says, breaking the silence.

She turns her head and directs her glare at him.

He continues, apparently unhindered by her irritation. "I'm using your signature line, and you're doing the hand through the hair thing, the tapping thing and the trying the force me to talk thing."

She continues to glare. "Annoying, isn't it?"

He smirks. "I chose to think of it as endearing."

Kensi tries to keep a stern expression, but the corners of her lips tug upwards against her will. "Sometimes," she admits. She points her finger at him, "But only sometimes."

He reaches across the consul between them and closes his hand around hers. "I'm not trying to keep anything from you, Kens."

She nodded, surprised to feel a lump in her throat at the sudden seriousness in the car. She glances towards the building they are watching and then back to her partner. "I know I'm not always easy to...talk to. But I want you to be able to come to me if you need, Deeks. I'm really trying to be better at that...for you."

The look he gives her tugs at her heart. "Kens," he whispered, squeezing her hand. "I know that, I do. And you're easier to talk to than you think." He glances through the windshield and then back at her. "I've told you more than I've told anyone. I'm comfortable telling you more than I tell anyone."

She bites her lip as she contemplated pushing for more. "Then why do you look so lost right now?"

He sighs and shrugs. "Because right now I'm having trouble understanding what's going on in my own head." He squeezes her hand again. "I wish I could talk to you about it because you could probably help, but I don't think I could say it in a way that would make any sense because I can't...think it in a way that makes any sense right now."

She nods and squeezes his hand back, telling him she understands. "But when you can-"

"Then I'll definitely come to you for help," he promises, cutting in to finish her sentence and answer her question.

She smiles and they both turn back to face the building they were watching. Neither make any move to release the other's hand. After a couple minutes, Deeks speaks up again.

"I talked to Nate when he was here," he tells her.

"Me, too," she says. "He cornered me, made me talk about the last year."

"Afghanistan, Hetty, the team..."

Kensi nods. "Yup."

"How bad?"

She shrugs. "Not that bad actually. I...didn't like talking about it, but I've been getting better about talking about things."

"I've noticed," he says, his tone soft and even, telling her he had noticed every step of progress she had made as she made it.

"It's easier than I thought it would be," she admits quietly. As always, it surprises her how easy it is to admit these things to him.

He squeezes her hand. "I'm really glad, Kens.

"I've noticed it's been easier to tell you things." She hesitated for a moment, before continuing with, "And I'm..." She exhaled a slightly shaky breath and turned to face him.

Deeks cocks his head. "You can tell me anything, Kens."

She nods. "I know. It's just...still new." She takes another breath. "I've found myself telling you more and more lately."

He nods. "I noticed that, too."

"And I...like it. It's nice...to share. Makes me feel...less alone." Her words aren't exactly elegant, but she gets them out. She says them, and she's proud of herself for telling him. And most importantly, she doesn't regret saying them out loud.

"The last thing I want you to feel is alone," he practically breathes in response.

"I don't. Not anymore." She hesitates only for a moment, meeting his eyes, knowing she'd regret it if she doesn't tell him, "Not since I met you."

Deeks closes his eyes, seemingly overwhelmed with her admittance, and grips her hand strongly in his. "Kens," he whispers her name fiercely. He exhales slowly and then opens his eyes to meet hers. "I wish..." He trails off and they both know the end of that sentence. They both wish they could fast forward to them both being ready to move forward with their thing. But they both know they're not there yet and moving forward too soon could take away what they want the most. He swallows hard. "I used to feel so alone, too," he tells her instead. "But not anymore."

_This man..._ Kensi feels a strangely dichotomous combination of desperate wanting and comfortable security. They're not ready quite yet, but they're well on their way. And the finish line they're working towards will only be the beginning of their future.

"There is one thing you can help me with," Deeks says suddenly. "Even if you can't answer the question, it helps get it out of my head."

"Okay?" She says, eager to help.

"Nate asked me this; What makes me different from the rest of the team?"

Kensi shakes her head. "You're a detective and we're agents?" She poses her response back to him as a question, pretty sure that's not the answer he's looking for. "Different letters beside your name?"

Deeks rolls his eyes. "Smartass."

She laughs.

"No. Other than the obvious; titles and training."

Kensi purses her lips as she considers the question. She decides she needs more information before she can help him answer the question. "Why did he ask you?"

"What do you mean?"

"What made him bring it up?"

"He asked if I considered making the move to an NCIS agent. I told him I'd been thinking about it. I told him you and I had discussed it. I told him the truth; that part of me wants it, but part of me is holding myself back but I can't figure out why."

Kensi nods, knowing all of that already.

"Then he said something about the effect being the liaison officer has on me and he asked me the question. What makes me different from the rest of the team?"

"And he just left without giving you the answer?" She made a face, not liking unfinished business.

"He's done it before. I think it's a shrink trick. He said it would mean more if I figured it out on my own."

She raises an eyebrow as she began to understand better. "So, in asking my for help, you're cheating on your homework?"

Her partner scoffs. "You're my partner. You're obligated to help me with this. Plus you're like an extension of me as my partner."

Kensi made a face. "Eeew."

Deeks laughs and she joins him. And it's good to laugh together.

They turned their attention forward again, watching the building where their suspect is most likely fast asleep.

"What makes you different," Kensi muses out loud.

"Mmm-hmm," he agrees.

"You're a detective and we're agents," she states.

"That's too obvious."

"I know, but I have to start there." She pauses. "Technically, you're LAPD. We're NCIS."

"Still, too obvious."

"_Still_ have to start there," She reminds.

"_Still_ doesn't count," he counters.

She rolls her eyes, but ignores him, knowing he's just baiting her. "Different background. But we _all _have different background. Though you _still_ don't have your advanced DOD training," she jokes.

"I learn from doing.

"We all learn from doing." She turns her head to consider him more seriously for a moment. "You had a crappy childhood," she states, "but none of us exactly had good childhoods, and even yours doesn't compete with Callen's."

Deeks shakes his head in agreement.

"You were a lawyer," she states.

"Sam was a SEAL," he lobs back at her. "I really don't think that's what Nate was getting at."

She nods. "I think you're right. If Nate left you to figure it out on your own, it's going to be an _aha_ moment."

He nods he agreement. "Which as of yet, has not happened.

"You have long hair." She was getting desperate for something to set him apart from herself, Callen and Sam.

Her partner rolls his eyes at her. "It's shorter than yours."

She ignores his comment. "You have a dog."

He laughs at that. "I have Monty. You're a hoarder. Callen is the opposite of a hoarder. Sam has a wife and kids. I surf. You eat more junk food than non-junk food. Sam is a health nut. Callen doesn't own furniture. I legally changed my name on my eighteenth birthday. Callen doesn't know his first name. Your father taught you how to shoot. Sam goes to dance lessons with his daughter. We're all different, but we're all on the same team. And nothing I can think of makes you three the same and me different." He huffs. "It's driving me crazy."

Kensi carefully observes her partner for a long moment as she considered his words. And then she smiles as she has her own _aha _moment.

"What? Why are you smiling?"

Her smile only grows.

"Stop smiling!" he demands. "Why are you smiling? Did you figure it out? You figured it out, didn't you? Damn Nate and his brain twister questions."

She squeezes his hand as she bites back a laugh. "I'm with Nate on this one, partner."

"What does that mean?"

"That means this is something you need to figure out on your own."

"Kens..."He turns the puppy dog eyes on her, but she stays strong.

"Trust me, Deeks. When you figure it out, it will mean more."

"I hate you," he declares.

"You don't," she counters, smirking, and then is suddenly brought back to another conversation between the two of them. "You don't hate me," she says, cocking her head and smiling widely at him.

Deeks, of course, picked up on what she was thinking immediately. "I think that's my line."

"You stole mine first."

He smiles at her. "Maybe we are acting like each other..."

She smiles as they turn their attention back to the building down the block, but the smile fades quickly as her partner begins fidgeting beside her. His hands begin tapping a rhythm on his knees and then his feet join in. She sighs out a long breath, willing herself to have patience. _Only an hour and a half left_.

Deeks notices her tense posture. "What?"

"Can you just sit still?"

He laughs. "You flipped out earlier because I _was_ still and quiet."

"I must have been delusional."

Deeks rolls his eyes. "At least we don't have to sit here any longer."

"And why is that?"

He nods towards the building. "Because there's our guy."

She follows his eye line to see their suspect making his way down the front steps of his building, carrying a duffel bag. "That doesn't look suspicious at all, does it?"

"Not at all," Deeks responds, voice full of sarcasm as he lifts his cell to his ear, calling in the situation to OPs. He speaks quickly to the night version of Eric, calling in the situation, then hangs up. They can still see their suspect, making his way on foot down the street. "OPs will call in Sam and Callen. I'll follow our guy on foot. You follow me in the car."

Though Deeks posed his sentences as statements, Kensi knew they were informed questions up for her input. But seeing as their suspect was nearing the end of their sightline and she was in the driver's seat, his plan made the most sense. "Agreed." She watches him put a com in his ear slip a GPS locator around his ankle so she can track him without being too close.

"See you soon, partner." He quietly lets himself out of the car and closes the door. She watches him make his way up the block, sticking to the shadows of the pre-dawn light. His form appears and disappears from her vision as he travels up the sidewalk, going in and out of streetlights.

Their suspect turns the corner with Deeks not far behind. Kensi puts a com in her ear, counts to twenty and then turns on the ignition of the car and slowly drives down the street, tracking her partner on the GPS. She's been following for five minutes when Callen calls on her cell.

"What's the status?" He asks as way of greeting, sounding completely awake for four in the morning.

"Deeks is following on foot. I'm tracking them in the car. Suspect has a medium sized duffel with him."

"Think he's going to a meet?"

"Maybe. Duffel could have a payoff in it. Or he could be on his way to the gym. We really have no idea."

"He doesn't know you're following?"

"Don't think so. Deeks is good, you know that."

"I do. Okay, I'm on my way to pick up Sam. We'll be there in less than twenty. Let me know if anything changes."

"Will do." She ends the call and turns on the com in her ear so she had an open line with her partner. She can hear his even breaths and occasional cars as they pass him and nothing more. "Deeks, I heard from Callen. He and Sam are twenty minutes out."

Deeks taps twice on his com to communicate to her that he heard her, but is too close to risk speaking and giving away his position.

"We'll keep following in hopes he leads us to a meet. If he does, hang back and we'll wait for back up."

Deeks taps three times, agreeing to her plan.

She smiles. "I'm leaving the line open." She pauses for a moment, remembering all the times it was her out there and him watching her back. He always knew what to say. The words always came so easily to him. "I'm right behind you partner, I have your back, even if you don't see me, I'm here."

Deeks taps three times.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: And we've come to the last planned chapter. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed (and especially to those who pushed me to continue past the initial oneshot). I've really enjoyed this new experience. There also may be more to come - please see the AN at the end of the chapter. **_

**X**

**Repeat after me...**

One moment everything is normal and in the next everything changes.

She's driving, as she does most of the time. Deeks is riding shotgun. It's past lunch time. She's starving. They're on their way back from an interview with a witness so they didn't have time to stop for food earlier. He'd made a comment about her having a twinkie stash everywhere and had leaned forward and reached into the glove box to prove himself right.

What followed had been screeching of tires and crunching of metal. A billowing of white. One of them had yelled out, possibly both. Probably both. And then the world had spun around. And around.

And around.

They'd been going through an intersection on a green light. Kensi had been looking forward, so she hadn't seen the other car coming. She'd had no warning at all until it had slammed into the passenger side of the SRX.

When the world stopped spinning, Kensi had to blink twice before she could even comprehend what had occurred. She was still staring straight ahead. Her hands shoved at the now-deflating airbag. She exhaled and turned her head. "Deeks," she whispered.

He was sitting next to her, eyes closed and face scrunched up in pain. He was clutching his right arm with his left against his chest.

"Are you okay?"

His eyes opened and he cautiously turned his head in her direction. "I...think so?"

"Is that a question?"

He huffed a laughing breath and then winced. "Maybe not. I don't know. Not really sure what hurts and what doesn't."

She reached a hand over to touch him, but was afraid to cause him more pain. Instead she hovered over him for a moment. "Just sit tight. I'm going to call it in."

"Okay." He breathed in and out. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," she responded the same as he had. "I just need you to be okay." She felt her eyes sting as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and called into OPs, knowing it would be faster. Less than one minute ago everything had been fine. They had been fine. She couldn't understand how everything had gone so wrong so quickly.

"Hey, Kens," Eric greeted.

"Eric, I need you to send at least one ambulance to our location," she said as way of greeting.

She could hear typing. "On it. What happened?"

"Someone hit us. Passenger side. Deeks is hurt. I'm not sure about the other driver."

"Pulling you up on street cams now... How badly is Deeks hurt?"

"He's conscious, but in a lot of pain. I think the car hit right at the front passenger door." She turned her attention to her partner for a moment. "You still with me, Deeks?"

"Not going anywhere, partner."

"Does it hurt to breath?"

He took a slow deep breath and winced slightly. "A bit. Ribs on my right side are pretty tender." He turned his head to face her again. "But I can wiggle my fingers and toes, so I'll take it."

She glared at him. "Don't even joke about things like that."

"It's going to be okay, Kens."

"I should be telling you that."

"Then tell me."

Tears welled up in her eyes, actually threatening to spill over her lower lids. She wanted to tell him; she wanted to tell him so badly that he would be okay, that everything would be okay. But maybe things were going too well? She wasn't used to that much good in her life. Making progress with Deeks and dodging that many near death experiences in the field only to lose her partner in a random car accident while she was driving them back from an interview? That sounded much more like the life Kensi was used to.

"Kens," he whispered.

She took a shuddery breath before talking back into the phone. "Eric? ETA on the ambulance?"

"Two minutes. Callen and Sam will meet you at the hospital."

"Thanks. I'll check in when we get there." She hung up the phone and turned her attention to her partner, but she couldn't even look him in the eye, she was so ashamed at her own behaviour. "I'm going to go around and see if I can get your door open." She needed to _do_ something to help.

"Okay."

She got her own door open without much issue and though her first steps were wobbly, she was able to make her way around the vehicle. The car that had hit them was sitting a good two dozen feet away, the front good and crumpled, accordion style. The driver, presumably, was sitting on the curb next to the car, a small crowd of people hovering around. She didn't give him much thought, but made note that at least his car was smaller than their SUV.

Deeks's door was very much crumpled and distorted. She yanked hard, but was unable to open it. Swearing, she made her way back around to the driver's side.

"It's stuck," she announced, getting back in beside her partner, but leaving her door open for when the paramedics arrived.

"I figured." His eyes were closed and his head was resting against the head rest, but his voice was clear.

"Eric said they'll be here soon. Fire will be on their way, too. They'll cut the door off and get you out of here."

"Worst case scenario, I can climb out through the driver's side."

"No!" She said more loudly than she meant to. "You shouldn't move."

He turned his head towards her again. "It's not that bad, Kens, really."

"You don't know that."

"It's really just my arm and chest that hurt. I have full feeling in my arms and legs. And I can move them."

"Don't."

He sighed, pain clear in his eyes, but also a lot of understanding to her behaviour there as well. "I want you to repeat after me, okay?"

She stared at him.

"Everything is going to be okay," he prompted, still staring at her.

She opened her mouth, but couldn't make herself say the words.

"Come on, Kens," he urged.

"Deeks..." She could hear the sirens in the distance now.

"Just trust me. Please?"

"I'm so not conditioned to believe those words, Deeks."

"I know. But I'm going to change that. We're going to change that. Together. I'm in pain right now. And I _know_ tomorrow's going to be a bitch. But everything _is_ going to be okay. And I need my partner to believe that. I need my partner to believe _me_." He cautiously removed his left arm from where it had been supporting his right and reached it out to her.

She took his offered hand and squeezed. "Everything is going to be okay, Deeks," she whispered fiercely, choosing to believe. She bent down to press her lips to his knuckles and then released his hand and urged him to return his good arm to where it had been supporting his injured arm. "Everything is going to be okay," she said again. "And I'm going to be there," she added, "For everything. Whatever you need."

**X**

**They say laughter is the best medicine...**

When Kensi had promised to be there for her partner this wasn't exactly what she had in mind. Not that she wasn't enjoying herself immensely. But she did feel a little bad that it was at his expense. But only a little bad. Mostly, she was enjoying herself.

One broken arm, two cracked ribs, a very bruised right side and lots of pain killers later made for one very drugged Marty Deeks.

Her partner was currently sitting up in the hospital bed, a lopsided smile on his face as he gazed at her through heavy-lidded eyes.

"Hi," he drawls.

"Hi," she responds with a chuckle, trying to pretend this wasn't the tenth time they'd gone through this. They'd chat as long as he could pay attention to the conversation. Then he would drift off, eyes open, not asleep exactly, and then when he would realize she was there again, he'd say hi again and they'd start the entire process over. "How are you feeling?"

He grins at her. "I feel great, Kens. Really great. And I love that you're here. You're always here for me. You're a really great partner, do you know that? Have I ever told you that?"

She reaches for his good hand and squeezes it. "You've told me, Deeks."

"Good. Cause I don't know what I'd do without you." He tugs on her hand, but there's no force behind the movement. "Why are you so far away?"

"I'm right here," she tells him, leaning closer.

He tugs on her hand again. "I want you closer. Why don't you come sit beside me?" He practically begs, actually going so far as to stick out his bottom lip.

It is all Kensi can do not to laugh at the sheer adorableness that has taken over her partner. "Because you're in a hospital bed. And Callen and Sam will be here any minute." Callen and Sam had met them earlier when they'd arrived, and once they'd confirmed nothing was life threatening, had left them to be assessed. They were coming back to take them home once they'd finished with the case for the day.

"Hospital bed?" Deeks looks down. "Damn. I forgot." He drops her hand and runs his left hand over the sling supporting his right arm. "I broke my arm," he states with some clarity, and looks at her. "How bad?"

"Not that bad," she soothes, knowing that he hates to be injured. And also knowing that it wasn't the pain he dislikes, but the perceived weakness. "Doctor said it was a clean fracture, fairy minor. Should heal well. Maybe as early as 4-6 weeks."

"That's all?"

"And two cracked ribs."

He nods and furrows his brow as if trying to remember. "We were in a car accident?"

"Yes. A drunk jackass hit us."

"Are you okay?" He reaches towards her with his free hand, gently touching the side of her face.

She closes her hand on his, pressing his palm to her cheek. After the ER doctor had assured her that Deeks was okay, she'd allowed herself to be checked out. Other than mild whiplash, she was fine. "I'm good if you're good."

He smiles all dopey at her, though she can't tell if he realized she was repeating his own line from so long ago back to him.

"I was worried about you," she finds herself telling him, despite his not-so-sober state.

"I'm good," he responds, clearly trying to keep up.

"I'm so glad." She allows him to remove his hand from her face, but keeps their fingers tangled together. "I was...afraid today, Deeks."

He stares at her for a long moment. The drugs had taken away a lot of his normal clarity, so she was at the point of believing he had drifted off again into a drug filled haze. But he surprises her when he continues to speak. "I can't remember the last time you admitted to being afraid."

She feels her hand tremble at his words. She covers for the tremor by tightening her grip on his hand. "Doesn't happen very often, does it?"

"No."

She feels tears sting the backs of her eyes, but she blinks them away. This cannot be about her. She is not the one in the hospital bed. "I can't lose you now, Deeks."

"You won't lose me, ever."

He looks so earnest and so young without any inhibitions. And it breaks her heart a little bit to see the man he could have been without all the hardships he'd endured. But it also makes her love him that much more; for the man he'd become because of and in spite of what he'd been through.

"I hope that's true, Deeks. I really do."

"I wish I could..." He trails off and tries to shift on the bed to face her better. He, of course, is barely able to move at all and fails miserably in his endeavor, but offers her a smile anyway. "Do you want to talk?"

Kensi smiles at her partner. Even injured and drugged to the nines, he's perfect. Absolutely perfect. And right now, absolutely adorable. "It's okay, Deeks. I think you get a pass today."

He attempts what may have supposed to have been a glare, but results in one raised eyebrow and one flat eyebrow and pursed lips. He lifts his hand away from hers and points a shaky finger at her. "I may be drugged, but don't think I'm going to let you get away with avoiding."

She laughs. "I could have gotten away with avoiding as little as five minutes ago," she counters.

He attempts to glare at her, but his lack of control over his facial muscle results in another comical expression. Then he furrows his brow, giving her the distinct impression that he's trying to figure out what she meant by her comment.

She somehow manages to bite back another laugh and reaches for his good hand. "How are you feeling?" She asked, trying to distract him.

He beams at her. "I'm feeling pretty damn good. You?"

"I'm good if you're good." She says again.

He squeezes her hand, and then says suddenly, "I said that to you once!"

She nods. "You did."

He keeps smiling. "We communicate so much better now."

She nods again. "We do, don't we?"

He doesn't respond, clearly lost in his own thoughts and memories, and mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like, "sunshine and gunpowder."

She bites back a laugh and watches as his eyes glaze over and she slowly loses him from the fully conscious world for the eleventh time in the past two hours. Kensi squeezes his hand and leans forward on her chair so she can brush her nose back and forth against his upper arm and then places a kiss there. "I'm so glad you're okay," she whispers. Her eyes close on their own volition and she rests her forehead against his upper arm and just takes a moment to remind herself that he's there and he's breathing and he's going to keep breathing.

He was right, of course, in the car. Everything was okay. He would heal from his injuries, which in comparison to how bad they could be, were relatively minor. He would live to fight another day by her side.

Her partner.

This was the part she wasn't good at. The unknown. The possibility of losing him. The thought of being alone. The loss. Counting on either having him forever or going down in the field with him probably wasn't the foolproof plan she had thought it was. Not for the future they both wanted.

But she's surprised this isn't as scary as she would have thought it is. Her partner was hurt and lying in a hospital bed. And there wasn't anywhere else in the world she wanted to be in this moment than sitting beside him, holding his hand. Maybe she had needed his strength when they had still been in the car to know things would turn out okay, but she would be his strength moving forward.

She feels him shift, so she sits up, but doesn't let go of his hand. He blinks at her and then offers her that same drugged smile for the eleventh time.

"Hi," he drawls.

"Hi," she responds evenly, biting back a laugh. The eleventh time, and he was just as adorable as the first ten.

He looks down at their joined hands and seems to consider them for a long moment. Then he takes a meandering look back up her body to her eyes. "We're holding hands."

She nods. "Yes, we are."

He tugs on her hand. "Why are you so far away?"

"Because you're in a hospital bed," she reminds gently.

"A hospital bed?" He looks down. "Damn. I forgot again."

Kensi can't help the laugh that escapes her lips in response to the forlorn expression on his face.

"Quit laughing at me, partner," he demands, though he's smiling as he says it. "I'm not working at full capacity today."

"You're not at full capacity any day," she quips.

He rolls his eyes. "Walked into that one..."

"Yes, you did. Now; tell me how you're feeling."

He takes a long, deep breath before answering. "Pretty good." He smiles at her. "You're very bossy, has anyone ever told you that?"

"My partner may have mentioned it a few times."

"Smart man."

She shrugs. "He has his moments."

Deeks laughs and then winces.

Kensi winces with her partner. "Okay, no more laughing, funny guy."

He releases her hand and uses his good hand to feel around his injured ribs. "Cracked ribs?" He half-asks, half remembers.

She nods. "Two cracked ribs. Car hit so fast and right at your door, the side airbag didn't have a chance to deploy in time."

He made a face. "I guess I'm out of the field for a couple days."

She bit back a smile. "More like a couple weeks."

"More like a couple months," added Callen's very amused voice.

Kensi turns her head to see Callen and Sam walking into the hospital room.

"Months!?" Deeks shakes his head. "That is not fair. I was back in the field sooner than that when I got _shot_."

"When you got shot, you didn't break your shooting arm," Callen points out.

"It's not just about your condition," Sam says. "It's about your ability to cover your partner."

Deeks, still very drugged, actually glares down at his right arm.

Sam and Callen looked at Kensi for an explanation. She can only offer a half-hearted head shake and mouths 'pain killers.' They nod their understanding.

"I can re-qualify with my left arm," Deeks announces after a good thirty seconds of glaring at his right arm. "You know I can shoot almost as well with my left." He looks to Kensi for confirmation.

She nods. "You're very good with your off hand." It was the truth; he wasn't quite as good a shot as her with his dominant hand, but he was better with his non-dominant.

"I'm practically ambidextrous," he announces.

"We'll talk about it later," she tells him.

He huffs, but accepts her demand.

"How you feeling, Deeks?" Sam asks as he and Called take the empty seats to Deeks's right.

Deeks purses his lips and gives Sam a long and suspicious look, as if questioning why the older man would ask him such a question. Eventually he answers carefully, "I'm fine. You?"

Sam bites back a laugh. "I'm good."

Deeks looks to Sam's left. "Callen, you good?"

Callen nods. "I'm good, Deeks."

Deeks nods. "Good."

Sam lifts the duffel he had carried into the room and places it onto the foot of the bed. "We brought this from your locker so you have something to change into when we drive you home."

Having regained a little more control over his facial muscles, Deeks is able to raise an eyebrow. "You're driving us home?" He turns to Kensi. "Why aren't you driving us home?"

Kensi sighs and tilts her head. "Try to remember," she prompts.

He stares at her.

"Where are we, Deeks?" She asks, softly.

"The hospital," he responds immediately.

"Good. Why?"

"We were in a-" He cuts himself off. "Damn. I forgot again!"

Callen and Sam laugh, but Kensi shuts them up with a glare, suddenly protective. No one gets to laugh at her partner but her.

"Jeez! What they hell did they give me?"

She does laugh at that. "At least you're aware you're forgetting now. That means it's wearing off." It also meant he was going to hurt like hell soon, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

"How bad was the car?"

"Oh, it was totalled," Callen spoke up.

"Hetty is furious."

Deeks turns his head back to the right quickly, as if caught by surprise, having forgotten the boys were there, but covers for it quickly. If Callen and Sam notice, they pretend not to.

"But she's glad you two are okay," Callen adds.

"We're all glad you two are okay," Sam says.

"So are we," Kensi speaks for both of them. She glances down at Deeks's left hand, which is just sitting there on the bed in front of her. She wants desperately to be holding it, to be touching him, but doesn't know if it's appropriate in front of Callen and Sam.

"Things could have been a lot worse," Callen says, verbalizing what Kensi is thinking.

"The work we do is dangerous, but this wasn't something you or we could have prevented," Sam adds. "I never considered something so random happening."

"Me neither," Deeks says. He turns his head towards Kensi and meets her eyes. She's surprised by the amount of clarity she sees there. Maybe the conversation has sobered him.

Callen clears his throat. "But you two are good, and that's what matters."

"We are good," Deeks says, still meeting Kensi's eyes. He lifts his hand off the bed and holds it out to her. It's a signal and an offering and an announcement all at once. It's comfort and partnership and friendship and something more. It tells Sam and Callen there's something more and that they don't care if they know.

"Yes, we are," she says, taking his hand.

**X**

**We choose this life...**

Kensi resists the urge to stomp in from outside, knowing it's childish and knowing the situation cannot be helped. But it's been three weeks and she misses her partner and she hates being the third wheel. Sometimes she gets to take Nell along with her and still feel independent, but this case has required Nell up in OPs, so Kensi's stuck tagging along with Callen and Sam for the foreseeable future while her partner is grounded at the mission, doing paperwork and helping in OPs.

Deeks had returned to work after a week, still in the sling, but unable to stay home and do nothing. Now he's stuck doing practically nothing at work. They text as they can, her complaining about being a third wheel and him complaining about being bored. So far, he has inventoried everything that needed inventorying, gotten into trouble for re-organizing Hetty's wardrobe department, and been kicked out of OPs numerous times for pissing off Eric and Nell.

Kensi makes her way down the hall towards her desk, hoping to find her partner, knowing Callen and Sam were just seconds behind. Instead of finding her partner, however, she finds her desk rearranged. Her laptop screen is up. She's returned from the field to find her desk rearranged numerous times in the past two weeks, so this isn't exactly unexpected; she's just cautious of what he's done to it this time.

She cautiously makes her way around behind her desk, but when she sees the scene that awaits her, she can't contain her laughter. Her laptop is playing a horse video, and her horse figurines are lined up as if they are watching.

She feels a presence beside her, and looks over to see Callen unsuccessfully trying not to laugh. "Has your partner finally lost it?"

"He's bored," she defends. "You and Sam were driving us crazy when you were stuck here, and that was only for two weeks. And you had each other here."

"We can ground you, too, while he recovers."

She glares at him. "You wouldn't dare."

He smirks. "I _am_ the team leader. I have the power."

She rolls her eyes, knowing he's joking. "And I have the power to kick your ass," she tells him as she sits down at her desk.

He laughs as he sits beside her.

She pulls out her phone and uses the camera app to take a picture before she carefully moves her horse figurines back to their proper places.

"Where's Sam?"

"He went to check in with Eric and Nell. Where's Deeks?"

She shrugs. "Probably wreaking havoc up in Ops."

Callen laughs. "They keep kicking him out, but then taking him back in."

"They're smart people, you'd think they'd learn..." She jokes.

"I could say the same about you," he throws back at her.

"Careful," she threatens, "He may be injured and irritating right now, but he's still my partner."

Callen smiles. "Oh, I won't forget that. How could I when you keep reminding me?"

She eyes him cautiously, sensing there's something more he wants to say. "You'd do the same if it were Sam."

He nods once, but then shakes his head. "I would, but we both know it's not the same."

She stares him down, refusing to divulge anything.

"Is there something going on that I should know?" Callen asks.

"Nope."

Callen sighs. "I'm not asking as your team leader, Kens. I'm asking as your friend."

She considers him carefully, but says nothing.

He looks incredibly uncomfortable to be bringing this up with her, but also determined. "Look, we're not blind," he says, speaking for himself and Sam. "Something's been different between you two for...well, for a long time, but especially for the past few months. And we care, Kens." He paused for a moment. "I'm not trying to be...threatening to you. I just...want you to know I care."

"Nothing has changed. Yet." She tells him. This is all she says, but they share a look and she knows he understands what she isn't saying with her words.

"Okay."

She considers him for a moment. "You and Sam have been partners for a long time."

"Eight years."

"You're best friends."

Callen nods.

"Do you ever worry about losing him?"

Callen releases a long breath. "I think about it, yet. But worry about it? No."

"Why not?" She asks, knowing Sam is the person in the world Callen is closest to.

He shrugs. "There's no point."

She scoffs. "It can't be that easy."

"It can and it is," Callen tells her. "We choose this life, Kensi, this job and its dangers. We know what we're getting into, and our partners know what they're getting into. None of us are blind to the risks and dangers. We all know there's a possibility we're not coming back or we're coming back alone."

She nods her agreement.

"We choose this life," Callen repeats. "And we're good at what we do. So, worrying doesn't help. Worrying isn't going to change the future. We need to focus on what we have now, be grateful for that now while we can."

She raises an eyebrow. "That was very deep, Callen. Didn't know you had it in you."

He smiles and nudges her playfully. "You and me, Kensi, we know loss. We know tomorrow everything may change. If that's taught me anything, it's to focus on what I can control."

"I never thought of it that way."

"If you lose Deeks in the field, you're not going to regret being with him," Callen says bluntly. "But if you'll let me say it, you may regret _not_ being with him while you can."

His statement hits her harder than she would have expected. For a man who usually didn't say much, he made damn good points when he did choose to speak up. God, if Deeks died in the field and she lived, she'd be devastated. But she already had the feelings, so her regret would only be bigger if she _didn't _know what it was like to share a whole life with him.

"You lost your dad," Callen continued, taking her silence for misunderstanding instead of the dead cold understanding it was. "But I'm sure you wouldn't trade a moment spent with him to take away the pain of losing him."

She nods. "No, I get it." She reaches a hand to grasp his forearm. "Thanks, Callen. That..was surprisingly insightful. And very helpful." She smirks. "Having a girlfriend has been good for you."

He coughs. "She's not my girlfriend."

Kensi rolls her eyes. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

There's laughter above, and they both look up to find their respective partners making their way down the stairs from OPs.

"They let you back into OPs?" Kensi asks when they reach the lower floor.

Deeks sighs. "Nell took pity on me. Said I looked bored."

"Yeah, I noticed." She motions to her horse figurines.

"That wasn't because _I_ was bored, Kensalina, that was because your _ponies_ were bored."

She somehow manages to bite back a laugh.

"Did I miss something?" Sam asks.

"You don't want to know," Callen tells him.

"You could take me with you next time you go?" Deeks says, just like he does every day.

"Fine," she says.

"Really?" He perks up.

She smirks. "Yes. You can come with me to pick up lunch."

He deflates. "That was unnecessarily mean, partner."

She laughs. "Does that mean you don't want to come with me?" She dangles her keys.

He makes a face. "No, I'll come with you. I owe Nell a bag of Oreos; had to bribe her to let me back into OPs."

**X**

**No more crutches...**

Kensi groans as she's awakened from a particularly good dream by a particularly aggressive knocking at her door. A glance at her alarm clock tells her it's only five in the morning. In a sudden panic that she has missed a call from work, she grabs at her cell phone, but it shows no missed calls or texts.

The knocking starts again. She sighs and rolls out of bed, knowing there's only one person it can be. She pulls a sweatshirt on over her sleeps shirt and shorts, and then makes her way through the living room to let her partner in.

"Deeks, seriously, it's five in the morning."

"I figured it out!" He announces, barging in the moment the door is open. He's fully dressed and, apparently, fully awake, despite the early hour.

She yawns and shuts the door behind him. "That's great," she tells him, no idea what he's talking about and not entirely certain she's not dreaming. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to wake you."

She blinks. "Yeah, well, good job with that, partner."

He chuckles. "I meant, I didn't want to wake you sooner. I waited until now to knock."

"How long have you been up?"

"Little over an hour." He waved his hand. "But that's not the point. I had my _aha_ moment, Kens. I figured it out."

She yawns again and moves to collapse on the couch. "And?"

He stays standing. "Nothing!"

She runs her hand over her face. It was _way_ too early for this. "Okay, can we start from the beginning? I need to know what we're talking about if you want me to follow this conversation."

He's now pacing back and forth in front of her. "Nate asked me what makes me different from the rest of the team."

Kensi smiled as she realised what he was talking about.

"And it's been driving me crazy for weeks. Because I couldn't think of anything that made you guys the same and me different. But that's the point, isn't it? That's what he wanted me to figure out on my own. There is nothing different, is there?"

"That's the same conclusion I came to," she tells him.

He shuffles over to her and collapses beside her on the couch. "I just woke up and I knew."

"You had your _aha_ moment," she agrees.

"I did." He shakes his head. "Nate and his shrink mind tricks."

She laughs. "I wanted to tell you when I figured it out..."

"But it was better I got there on my own."

She nods. "Does this mean... Are you going to sign the paperwork?"

He leans towards her and uses his quickly healing right hand to pull a roll of papers out of his pocket. He hands them to her.

She carefully unrolls the papers and swallows hard as she recognizes the form as one she had filled out many years earlier. An application to join NCIS. All of his information is already there. She flips to the last page. Already signed by Hetty. He's already told her about the application Hetty gave him all those years ago.

"You told me it doesn't matter to you if I'm an agent or a detective," he tells her quietly. "And Kens, I cannot tell you how much that means to me."

She nods. "You're my partner, Deeks," she tells him, "No matter what."

"I know," he tells her. "And having your support through this has meant everything." He pauses. "At first, proving I could work with you guys and do this job and still be an LAPD detective was partly about proving a point, you know? It was about proving that you didn't need the fancy training and fancy job title."

Kensi nods. She'd seen the slack he'd gotten in the first year. Hell, she'd been part of it, she knew that. But he'd never backed down. He'd proven himself and his spot on the team. It was only recently that he'd even accepted some additional training from Sam.

"But I think I've proven that."

"You have," she agrees.

He takes a breath. "Nate asked me what the effect was of me continuing to be a liaison officer."

"The effect? On you? I don't understand."

"I didn't either. But now I think I do. I think somewhere along the line I started using my position as a crutch. I was part of the team, but not one hundred percent. And any time I didn't feel one hundred percent part of the team, I could just shrug and blame it on the fact that I was just the liaison officer and not an agent."

"Deeks..." She trails off, wanting to tell him he was wrong, but not finding to words to do so. Was he right? Did he do that? Had she let him do that?

She and Deeks had been solid for a long time now, but that wasn't the case with him and Sam and Callen. Sam had only warmed to Deeks recently, and only after Deeks had proved himself a most extreme way. And Callen had always respected Deeks skills, but personally was apt to follow his partner's lead. Deeks had been part of the team, but not one wholly accepted, just like he said. And with his position being used as a crutch, he had never demanded more for himself. He had passively waited for it to come or not. Until now.

"You used it as a crutch," she agreed. "You let your spot on the team be another thing that _happened_ to you, good or bad."

He nodded. "It happened to work out well. Just like NCIS. But I waited for it to happen to me."

"I should have seen it."

"So should I." He bumps her shoulder. "But no more being passive. No more crutches for Marty Deeks," he states in third person. "He's taking his life into his own hands. He's getting the job he wants, on the team he wants to be a part of. And he's having the life he wants, which means getting the girl."

She laughs at that. "He's already got the girl."

He smiles at her. "Almost."

"Almost," she echoes.

He reaches for the papers. "Can I borrow a pen?"

"You're going to sign them now? Here?"

He nods. "Can't think of any better place than with my partner."

She gets up and quickly locates a pen and then returns to the couch.

He takes the pen from her. "Now, you're sure you want me to do this? You know it means you're stuck with me forever?"

She's surprised by the jolt his words give to her heart. But a good jolt. And she's suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling she's been having more and more recently. Her mouth goes dry and she feels tingly, but she shakes it off because it's not the time. "I'm sure," she tells him. "Now, sign the damn papers before I change my mind," she jokes.

He puts pen to paper.

She feels like the moment should be longer or feel more significant. But it only takes him a moment to jot down his signature. And then he's done. And they're both left feeling a little anticlimactic.

He sits up beside her with a, "Huh."

"How does it feel?"

He runs his hand through his hair. "Honestly? Not any different whatsoever. Wait; do you think this means I have to carry a sig now?" He jokes.

She laughs. "I'm sure you can work something out with Hetty, _Agent_ Deeks."

He starts at the new name. "Okay, _that's_ different." He exhales slowly and then smiles. "I think I like it."

**X**

**Finally...**

He takes her out for breakfast in apology for waking her up so early and then he drives them into work. It's only eight when they get there. Callen and Sam aren't expected for another hour, but Hetty is already there.

"Will you come with me?" Deeks asks her.

"What am I, your mother?" She quips before she thinks through her words, then puts up her hand. "Don't answer that. Pretend I didn't say that."

"It's been _years_ since she gave me this application," he whispers at her as they stop beside the desk area. "Do I just go up and hand it to her? Do I explain? What do I say?"

"How is me standing next to you going to help the situation?" She whispers back.

"I don't know!" He whispers loudly. "But you're my partner!"

She bites back a laugh. "She'll be happy, Deeks. This is a good thing. Everyone will be happy."

"Oh, God," he mutters. "I didn't think about everyone else. How am I going to tell Callen and Sam?" He runs a hand through his hair. "I can't face Hetty alone!"

"She's probably already watching us," Kensi says. Her back is facing their boss, but she can feel her eyes on them.

Deeks looks over her shoulder and cringes. "She is," he confirms.

"Then go."

"But-"

Kensi reaches forward to grasp Deeks's forearm. "You are not passive Deeks anymore. You make things happen to get the life you want, to get the job you want, and to get the girl."

He took a breath and nodded. "You're right. I am going to go up to Hetty and give her the application and explain why it took so long if I have to. And if I need to, remind her I have the support of my partner and my team."

"Exactly."

He nods and sets off to Hetty's desk. He's back less than a minute later. She's barely sat at her desk and turned on her laptop.

"So?"

He sits at his desk and shrugs. "She said 'finally.'"

Kensi laughs. "Told you that you were worried for nothing."

**X**

**I've been thinking...**

At nine, Sam and Callen come in together, debating breakfast foods as Callen arrives with his third bacon meal of the week. Sam had had oatmeal and is nursing his first coffee of the day while Callen is on his second (that he is admitting to).

They greet Kensi and Deeks and sit at their respective desks.

"No smoothies this morning, Deeks?" Sam asks.

Deeks startles at the question. "Oh, no, sorry. I, uh, forgot. Busy morning. Left the fruit in my fridge."

"Everything okay?" Sam asks carefully.

"Fine," Deeks says nervously.

"More than fine," Kensi adds.

Callen eyes them both suspiciously. "Is there something going on we should know about?"

Kensi nods and meets her partner's eyes. He's nervous, but this is his news. She'll tell the team if he needs her to, but the news should come from him.

Deeks scratches at the scruff on the side of his jaw. Then he nods as well. "I've been thinking..."

"Thinking is good," Callen jokes when Deeks doesn't continue.

"Really good. We didn't know you had it in you, Deeks," Sam adds.

Deeks chuckles and that's enough to push him to continue. "I've been thinking for a while," he pauses and nods towards Kensi, "And talking with Kensi, about giving up my liaison position and joining NCIS as an agent."

Both Callen and Sam appear surprised about the subject, and both lean forward, eager for more news.

"And?" Callen prompts.

"_And_," Deeks continues, "This morning I did it."

Kensi watches as Sam claps Deeks on the back and Callen walks over to shake his hand. And then pulls him onto his feet for a bro-hug. And then Sam hugs him, too. And then she can't stand not being part of it, so she hurries over to hug him, too, cautious of his still healing ribs.

"_Partner hug_," she says, echoing his words to her from several weeks earlier, though what was meant to be in jest ends up surprisingly poignant. Because he's just signed a legal document that will make him her partner indefinitely.

He hugs her back just as tight as she hugs him, and she doesn't even care if the hug lasts longer than it maybe should in front of Callen and Sam.

**X**

**You're worth it to me...**

After work, they all go out for drinks to celebrate Deeks's new status with their team. Hetty and Granger only stay for one drink, leaving the six of them to their own devices pretty quickly. They decide to stay for dinner and slide into a booth, where Kensi spends the next several hours pressed up against her partner, not that she's complaining.

After dinner, there's more drinking. Sam leaves first, wanting to get home in time to say goodnight to his kids. He leaves with warm words to Deeks. Callen leaves soon after, and though he doesn't say it, they all know he's on his way to see the girlfriend he still isn't calling girlfriend. Eric and Nell stay for another round, but then leave the two partners to their own celebration. They both, of course, make sure to say goodbye to _Agent Deeks_ before leaving.

Once alone, Deeks shifts away from her, but Kensi grabs his arm. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Thought I'd move to the other side of the booth?"

"Please don't," she asks, leaning her head against his shoulder. "You're warm. And you smell good."

He chuckles. "How drunk are you?"

"Drunk enough that I'm cabbing it home, not so drunk that I'm not going to remember this tomorrow."

"That's the perfect amount."

She laughs. "I think so." She lifts her head up and meets his eyes. "Are you happy with your decision?"

He nods. "No regrets. Really glad I did it."

"Good."

"Thank you, again, Kens. For everything. Really. I know people say this all the time, but I really mean it; I couldn't have done it without you. I couldn't have figured it out without you, without your support."

"That's what partners are for," she tells him. She hesitates, wondering if now was the time to tell him more. She opens her mouth-

"Did you want to order anything else?" Their waiter asks, inadvertently interrupting Kensi's thoughts.

Deeks glances at the waiter and back to Kensi. "Dessert?"

Well, she can't say no to dessert. She looks at the waiter. "Do you have chocolate cake?"

Three minutes later, they're sharing a large piece of triple chocolate cake.

"This is amazing," Kensi practically moans.

"Mmm-hmm," Deeks agrees. "A good way to end the day."

"A good way to end a _good_ day."

He playfully bumps her shoulder.

She bumps him back.

"So, there's this thing I want to tell you," she says.

"You can tell me anything."

"I know. And I was trying to come up with some way to tell you, but then I realized that we've said so many things in metaphors in the past and I really want to make sure there's no confusion here."

"Okay." He puts his fork down, meeting her eyes evenly, his expression serious.

She offers him a smile. "It's not a bad thing, Deeks. It's just, we've both been working towards our thing, but we never talked about how we would _know_ when the other was ready, you know? And I've been working on me and making changes. And I've been feeling really damn good about me lately." She was surprised at the tears that welled in her eyes. "I feel stronger and freer and all sorts of things I didn't know _I_ could be. And I owe that to you. Because without you I would never have tried to change."

"Kens," he murmurs, cocking his head.

"And I've been feeling...different lately. This feeling I couldn't put my finger on. And then this morning I felt it again, really strong. And I realized what it was. And I want to tell you, but I want you to take it the right way."

"What is it?"

"It's me being ready. For this. Us. _Our thing_. When you are. I'm ready, when you are. No rush, no pressure. That's what I don't want you to take the wrong way. I just want you to know that when you're ready, _I'm_ ready."

He nods and wraps his arm around her. "Thank you for telling me." He presses a kiss to the side of her head, "I'm not ready yet, Kens. But I'm close. I'm so close."

"It takes as long as it takes, Deeks," She tells him. "No hurry; I mean that. I will wait for as long as you need." She leans into him. "You're worth it."

**X**

**Champions of the world...**

Deeks settles into his new role easily. He's happy Hetty doesn't insist he switch to carrying a sig or send him to advanced DOD training. He does, however, stumble over introducing himself a few times in the first week, leading to Kensi calling him 'Duh-Agent Deeks.' He calls it mean. She calls it incentive to get his own name right.

She often catches him holding his new badge in his hands, running his fingers over his name, staring at it, just like he had his new nameplate months earlier. Only now, he does so with a look of pride on his face because he had made this happen for himself.

She's proud of him, too. Her partner is a damn good man. He was a good detective and now he's a good agent. He's the best partner she's ever had. His moral compass points due north and there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her. But in the last several months she had seen an all new example of the depth of his strength and determination. He'd left no rocks unturned to attack his personal demons and he'd made significant leaps forward in personal development.

He'd also pushed her to do the same. Kensi had never exactly been unhappy with the way she led her life, but she'd always known something had been missing. But she'd accepted things were the way they were and wouldn't be changing. She hadn't realized things _could_ change until he'd led the way and shown her. She felt the same sense of accomplishment she knew he felt because she had made something happen for herself. She felt stronger and happier. Freer. More complete.

And she felt anticipation. Because the day they were both waiting for was quickly approaching; she could feel it. Since she had told him she was ready in the bar the week before, she had caught him starting at her often, his expression a combination of wanting and considering. He was weighing his feelings, determining where he was in his mind, if he was ready or if there was more work to do first. She respected that he wanted to be certain. Because this was it and they both knew it, so a few extra days or weeks were nothing in the long run.

He'd been cleared for field work this week. As he had said in the hospital, he had re-qualified with his left arm to compensate for his still-healing right arm, which was now in a supportive brace. Kensi was thrilled to have her partner back full time, and Eric and Nell were thrilled to have one less nuisance left behind in OPs.

After two days in a row of field work, there was a lull un activity, leaving the field agents bored and case-less. After several weeks stuck in the office, and with no more weekly reports to be sent to LAPD, Deeks had no paperwork to catch up on. And, with a partner who had recently spent several weeks stuck in the office, Kensi also had no paperwork to catch up on.

"Shooting match?" Deeks challenges.

She raises an eyebrow. "You're on." She stands from her desk chair and they walk towards the shooting range together, leaving Callen and Sam to their paperwork.

"You realize for this to be fair, you need to use your left arm, too?"

She scoffs. "I don't think so. You're currently qualified with your left, partner. I'm qualified with my right."

Deeks rolls his eyes. "Cheater."

She laughs and bumps his shoulder. "Me? I'm not the one trying to stack the deck in my favour."

"I'm injured!"

"You've been using that excuse for weeks."

He bumps her shoulder back. "Now that we've aced communication, we should teach you sympathy, partner."

She huffs. "I was in the car, too, Deeks."

They reach the shooting range and he swings his arm around her in the privacy of the empty room. "I know you were, Kens," he says, suddenly serious. "I'm really glad you were okay."

She smiled and allowed him to pull her into a loose hug, cautious of his still tender ribs. "I'm really glad you're okay, too, Deeks."

"I told you it was all going to be okay."

She releases a shuddering laugh. "I believed you...eventually."

He releases her with a knowing look.

"I don't like not being able to control things," she tells him, knowing he knows, but needing to tell him anyway. "And you were hurt and there was nothing I could do but sit beside you and wait."

"You just being there helped," he told her softly.

"Deeks," she murmured, her chest aching as her heart swelled at his words.

"You can't control everything, Kens," he tells her.

"I know that."

He raises an eyebrow.

She sighs. "Theoretically, I know that," she corrects. Then she smirks. "But it's not going to stop me from trying to control things like that pretty much forever," she warns.

His face breaks out into an open smile and he nods. "I'm good with that."

She smiles back at him, knowing he knows what she meant. "Good."

They smile at each other for a good ten seconds before turning their attention to their shooting contest. In the end they decide the only fair way to do it is to have Kensi shoot two targets, one with each hand. But the results are so close, they argue over the winner, so they decide to move on from the shooting range to the gym for a round of basketball.

The problem with on-on-one basketball with your partner of more than four years is you can read every step, shift of weight, glance, instinct, fake out and throw. Neither partner had been able to her more than two steps at a time, let alone a shot at the net. Add to that, Deeks superior height and arm span, every time Kensi had the ball, he would just put his arms around her from behind and with his reach, would grab at the ball, leaving them wrestling in a somewhat non-work appropriate position.

Finally, Kensi starts laughing and releases the basketball into his hands. "This isn't working."

"Admitting defeat, Blye?"

"I'm admitting that we are not capable of playing basketball. We know each other too well."

"Rock climbing?" He motions to the wall across the gym.

Before she can answer, Callen and Sam enter the gym, clearly needing a break from their paperwork.

"Who won the shooting contest?" Sam asks.

"I did," both Kensi and Deeks say at the same time.

Callen and Sam both laugh, not surprised by the responses.

"Two-on-two?" Callen offers, motioning to the basketball in Deeks's hands.

"For Champions of the World?" Sam adds.

Deeks glances at her and she nods.

"You're on," Deeks said.

Sam frowns. "Your arm okay?"

Deeks tosses the ball to his partner and then hits the brace with his left palm twice. "Protective brace to prevent further injury while the fracture finishes healing. I'm good." He smirks. "And don't you dare go easy on me. I don't want any excuses when we kick your ass."

"Oh, it's on."

And it was. With the two sets of partners playing against each other, there was much more action than Kensi and Deeks trying to play against each other. Callen and Sam were good, but Kensi and Deeks were better. Just a little more on their game. Anticipated each other just a little better. Half an hour later and the score was a respectable eleven to nine for Kensi and Deeks.

"Champions of the World!" They shout and high five.

Callen and Sam, of course, blame their poor performance on the fact that they hadn't had a chance to warm up first, but Kensi rolled her eyes. "That just means you were more refreshed."

"Yeah," Deeks chime in. "This was our second match of the day."

"And he's playing injured," Kensi points out.

"And I'm playing injured," he echoes.

"That could be considered an illegal implement," Callen banters, motioning to Deeks's arm brace.

"And that could be considered a desperate attempt from a sore loser," Deeks counters.

Kensi laughs. "But we're not sore losers, you know why?"

"Because we're champions of the world!" Deeks exclaims, hugging her.

She was still laughing as she hugs him back, but screeches as he lifts her off the ground and spins her around. "Deeks!" She exclaims, still laughing, "Put me down."

He spins her around one more time before setting her feet onto the gym floor and releasing her. He's smiling and she could swear his eyes are laughing as he pulls away.

"Rematch. Tomorrow" Sam demands.

Deeks put his hands on his hips and nods. "Sounds good."

Kensi hooks her arm through her partner's and nods as well. "We will be happy to beat you again tomorrow." Beside her, she feels Deeks quiver with laughter, but he manages not to laugh out loud.

Callen smirks at them. "I think I liked you two better when you didn't like each other..."

"That was a long time ago," Deeks says.

"And we're happy the way we are, so get used to it," Kensi adds.

**X**

**Tacos?**

Kensi pulls the brand new SRX into its parking spot and turns off the ignition. She turns to her partner, who had been uncharacteristically quiet on the drive back to the office. "You okay?"

Deeks offers her a warm smile. "I'm good," he tells her. "You?"

She removes her seatbelt and stretches her arms forward. "Tired," she tells him. "And glad this case is finally over." The day after their winning basketball match against Callen and Sam, they'd caught a case which had had them running around town for the past week.

His expression pinches ever so slightly, but he covers for it well. "I'm glad it's over, too."

She stares at him for a moment, tempted to push, but decides to give him a chance to bring it up to her first. She offers him a smile and then turns to let herself out of the car. She shuts the door behind her, she hears him do the same. They meet behind the car and walk into the office together in comfortable silence.

Callen and Sam, having left a few minutes before them, are already there, packing up to leave. It's early evening on Friday night. Sam's eager to see his family and Callen's eager to see the girlfriend he's now sort of calling his girlfriend (or at least not _not_ calling his girlfriend). They bid a quick goodbye to their teammates and wish them a good weekend. Sam reminds them they still owe them a rematch for Champions of the World.

Kensi is smiling as she and Deeks are left alone as their desks. "We're totally going to kick their asses again," she comments.

Deeks returns her smile. "Of course." He looks like he's about to say something more, but he doesn't.

She gives him a moment, but still no further words come. She stands from her desk and walks over to his. "You okay, partner?"

He stares up at her for a long moment and nods. He stands. "I'm good if you're good."

She narrows her eyes at him. "I'm good," she says. "But you're deflecting," she comments. It's not a question. She cocks her head and studies him. He's suddenly tense. It triggers a memory of staring across a table at a fancy restaurant. He'd been tense then, too. _Nervous._ Kensi swallows suddenly, her throat dry. Was this it? Was it finally time?

He's nervous, yes. But things are so much different now. They've grown; both independently and together. They know how to communicate now. He's tense; both due to nerves _and_ anticipation. But he meets her eyes evenly. There's no hesitation in his gaze as he walks around his desk so there's no barrier between them. "I was wondering if you wanted to go get something to eat?"

Kensi swears she can feel her heart pound violently against her rib cage. It amazes her that he can't hear it. "What did you have in mind?" She asks, though she knows what his answer is going to be.

He shrugs, though the corners of his lips curl upwards. "I was thinking tacos."

"Tacos sound perfect," she practically whispers.

"Perfect," he murmurs back to her, reaching for her hand. He reaches for his shoulder bag with his other hand. They stop at her desk to pick up her bag before walking out together.

"For the sake of clarity, when I said tacos I meant I was ready for-"

"I know what you meant, Deeks," she says with a laugh. She bumps his hip with hers as they walk together.

"Just making sure."

They reach the car and separate. Kensi gets into the driver's seat and turns on the ignition while Deeks settles himself into the passenger seat. She smiles at him and he smiles back. She's overwhelmed with anticipation and accomplishment and happiness and...so much more. When he'd shown up at her apartment all those months ago and pled his case, she'd known the time and work would be worth it, but she hadn't allowed herself to dream about the end result. But it wouldn't have mattered; this felt like nothing she could have imagined.

She forces herself to face forward, her hand on the gear shift, but then turns back to her partner, suddenly unsure of their destination. "Wait. Tacos? You did mean... We are actually going to get tacos first, right?"

Deeks stares at her for a long moment, blinks, and then starts laughing.

She swats at him.

"You said you knew what I meant," he teases.

"Shut up."

"I tried to clarify."

"I said to shut up..."

"I am the champion communicator in this relationship."

"This _relationship_ is like two minutes old and I'm already having second thoughts..."

He laughs again. "Then my first step should probably be to feed you."

She sends him a look, asking if that's okay.

He cocks his head. "What? You think I don't know you? You think I don't know that the last time you ate was the emergency twinkie at one thirty? Let's eat first."

She feels her heart swell, no longer embarrassed at how well he knows her. "I would appreciate that."

He smiles. "So, tacos first."

Kensi nods. "And then your place."

He reaches across the car for her hand. "With you."

She squeezes his hand and tugs him towards her across the console of the car. "Deeks?" She murmurs, his face just inches from hers.

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we can get takeout?" She suggests, before closing the distance and pressing her lips to his.

_**AN: I've marked this story complete (again), but I'm wondering if anyone is interested in one more chapter? Since I decided to expand it past its initial oneshot, it was always going to end here, but I've had some ideas about adding one more chapter in the same style as chapters 2-4 of Kensi and Deeks figuring out their 'thing' now that they're together. At first it was just one and then two specific moments to write, and now a whole bunch that won't leave me alone. Does this interest anyone?**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: So, as you can tell, after such a wonderful response to the last chapter, I decided to continue with what happens now that Kensi and Deeks have figured out their thing. There will be some bigger time jumps here. I've written then next section along the same style as chapters 2-4, picking out random moments as I see fit. I hope everyone enjoys. For those who care about the timeline - Deeks became an agent in July and Kensi/Deeks finally got together in August. Also, I don't do spoilers, so I purposefully have no idea what's going to happen next season, but for the sake of this story had to allude to some things, some of which was mentioned in earlier chapters. So, for the sake of this story, Callen/Sam are saved from the submarine by Kensi/Deeks and there's some sort of fallout to Hetty from the Afghanistan debacle that keeps her away from OSP for a while, but then she is allowed to return. I purposefully kept it vague because the focus of this story is, of course, Kensi and Deeks.**_

_**Also, due to length, I have split this section into two chapters (I've already surpassed 15k words), so look for the final (?) chapter soon.**_

**X**

**The morning after...take two...**

Kensi sighs as her mind finds consciousness for the first time in several hours. The air around her is quiet and cool, save for the steady breathing and warmth radiating from the sleeping man next to her. His front is pressed against her back, a steady press of warmth along her body, from her calves to her shoulders, with an arm draped over her waist. He'd been holding her tight when they'd fallen asleep, but over the last several hours his grip had loosened.

Both the sheet and blanket had been kicked off the bed, but he had retrieved the sheet and pulled it up and over the both of them before they had fallen asleep. The blanket lay forgotten on the floor at the foot of the bed. Now, only the thin sheet covers them.

Kensi closes her eyes, happy to finally be here again and hopeful to fall back to sleep, but her bladder cries out in protest, reminding her why she is awake in the first place. She groans and begins the process of extracting herself from her partner's arms, which isn't altogether difficult, but leads to an unexpected conundrum.

Does she leave the bed naked or take the sheet and leave Deeks uncovered?

Having rolled away from her slumbering partner, she sits up, sheet clutched to her chest, not sure why she's suddenly modest, considering the previous night's activities _and_ the fact that her bed partner is asleep. She bites her lip and considers her options. And then she shrugs and decides that what he doesn't know won't hurt him. She gets up and takes the sheet with her, wrapping it around her naked form.

Now alone and uncovered, Deeks shifts on the bed. She averts her eyes, though she internally chastises herself. She has to remind herself that she's _allowed_ to see him like this now. But still; it's weird. She decides it's allowed to be weird for a while. Wonderful, but still weird.

She does plan to cover him with the blanket that's still lying on the ground, but he shifts again and she fears he's going to wake up to find her staring at him, so she bolts for the bathroom. She uses the toilet and washes her hands. Then she washes her face and brushes her teeth with the toothbrush she'd long since left in his bathroom. Then she brushes her fingers through her hair. And when she's wasted as much time as she can, she opens the door and walks back into his bedroom, his bed sheet still wrapped firmly around her body.

She half-expects to find him still in bed, naked and exposed and staring at her, demanding an explanation to why she left him there. But the bed is empty. She turns back to the door, only to catch him trying to sneak up on her. She half-jumps in surprise and half-laughs.

He laughs with her, his hands going to her waist and his lips capturing hers. "Morning," he murmurs once he's finished kissing her.

"Morning."

He slides his hands all the way around her waist to the small of her back, pressing them closer together. He'd put on a pair of boxers since she'd last seen him, but nothing more. "How'd you sleep?"

"Really good," she tells him. It was probably the best sleep she'd had in a long time. They picked up their tacos to go, had one each as an appetizer before they just couldn't wait anymore, and had fallen into bed together. After round one, they had emerged and eaten cold tacos around midnight before retiring back to bed for round two and the best night of sleep she'd had in months.

"Me too." He smirks. "Until this morning, that is. When someone stole my sheet. And she still has it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she deadpans.

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow. "Well, let's have a look at the evidence, shall we?" He tugs at the sheet that is still wrapped around her. "What's this?"

She shrugs. "It's a new style. All the cool kids are wearing it."

He laughs. "Well, I don't think it suits you."

"No?"

He shakes his head, his eyes sparkling. "I think you should take it off. Immediately."

She swallows hard and loosens her grip on the sheet, but she hesitates in actually unwrapping it. Last night there had been build up and anticipation and tension and...it had been dark because it was late. And now, even though this would be their third round in twelve hours, there was light streaming through the curtains. It all seemed so much more...real.

Deeks smiles reassuringly at her and tugs at the sheet playfully. He ducks his head down and kisses her so solidly that she doesn't even notice he has pried the sheet from her fingers that it's on the floor before she has a chance to react. "Deeks!"

"Oops," he jokes.

She fights the urge to reach again for the sheet by staying close to him, but he pulls away and holds her wrists in his hands, firmly but loose enough that she could easily pull away if she wanted to.

"What are you doing?"

He smirks. "I want to tell you you're beautiful, but I don't want you to hit me," he jokes.

She feels her cheeks heat and isn't surprised that yes, his comment does make her want to hit him a little bit. "I won't hit you," she promises.

He drops her hands, and his eyes drop to run over her body in the light. She actually finds it a bit liberating to not hide. He returns his gaze to her eyes and he smiles at her. "You're beautiful, Kens. To be here with you now, like this... It's amazing."

"You're not so bad yourself," she tells him. "Except for one thing."

He raises an eyebrow. "What's that?"

She hooks her index finger into the waistband of his boxers. "You're overdressed."

**X**

**I counted on this...**

"How about we go out for breakfast? My treat?"

Kensi glares at her partner. "I'm not going to burn down your kitchen."

"You say that, but we both know there's no guarantee..."

She takes a swing at him with a spatula and he laughs.

"Really, Kens, we can go anywhere you want-"

"_No_," she insists, refusing to stop hunting through his kitchen for any and all items she will need for this endeavor. She is _determined_ to make them breakfast.

"We should celebrate our first morning together."

She stops and turns to face him, spatula in one hand and frying pain in the other. "That's what I'm trying to do here, Deeks."

He stares at her for a long moment, the corners of his lips twitching.

"What?" She demands.

"Nothing. You just look...adorably domestic. I'm tempted to take a picture as proof. Callen and Sam would never believe it."

She rolls her eyes. "And how would you explain to them me wearing your shirt?"

"Touché."

She smirks. "Touché," she echoes.

Deeks just sighs and shakes his head.

Kensi places the frying pan on the stove and begins to pull ingredients out of the fridge.

"Okay, so breakfast here," he agrees. "Can I help, at least?"

"As long as help doesn't mean you do everything."

"It won't," he promises.

"I've been practicing," she reminds him.

"I remember." He smiles at her. "You promised to cook me breakfast one day."

"I was counting on it."

He takes a deep breath and nods. "So was I, Kens. So was I." He pauses. "I'm so glad you're here, Kens."

"Me, too."

"Even if you are about to burn down my kitchen," he jokes.

She glares at him. "For that, maybe I'll just make breakfast for myself."

He laughs. "It's my food!" He sidles up beside her and bumps her hip.

She bumps him back. "I'm making the eggs. You want to be in charge of the bacon?"

"Sounds good."

Kensi focuses her attention to the task at hand. This is very important and if she screws it up, she's literally going to be hearing about it for the rest of her life. She turns on the heat and melts just the right amount of butter into her frying pan. Then she very carefully cracks one egg at a time, careful not the break any of the yokes as she does so. She's aware of Deeks moving around the kitchen behind and beside her, probably watching her closely, but she ignores him, her focus on the task at hand. These are going to be the best over-easy eggs she's ever made if it kills her.

She carefully pokes at one with her spatula and determines it's ready to be flipped. Then she very carefully flips all of the eggs over in the frying pan. She smiles proudly at herself when she doesn't break a single yoke.

She feels a presence close behind her and then Deeks's hand finds her hip. His chest brushes the side of her back for just a moment as his lips brush against the side of her head. And then he's gone from her space, back to puttering around the kitchen behind her. The entire contact only took a second, two at the most, but it signified _so_ much more. Here they were, together. Making breakfast on their first real morning together. They were in his kitchen. She was in his clothes. And it was easy. Normal. Just like she had counted on.

**X**

**I want you to be comfortable here...**

They survive their first week as both partners and solidly more than partners.

There's no announcement, no drama, no stumbling like the last time they attempted this step. They don't say anything at work and if anyone notices anything they don't say anything to Kensi or Deeks. They work their cases, they go out in the field, they work together side by side.

By unspoken agreement, they don't spend every night together. After that first weekend, they spend two weeknights at her house, but no more. They both know this is it, but even so, they've developed a new found patience over the past several months. They're both where they need to be now, personally. And, most importantly, they're together now, so there's no need to rush anything.

Their only pressing case of the week is wrapped up by early evening on Friday, leaving their weekend, thankfully, free. Callen and Sam take off quickly, leaving Kensi and Deeks alone at their desks.

Kensi opens her mouth to suggest dinner, but Deeks beats her to it.

"Dinner?" He asks, looking up and seeing her expression. They both laugh.

"Pizza?" She suggests.

"Sounds good. Your place?"

She shakes her head. "How about yours? Then you don't have to shuffle Monty around again."

The dog had been quite enthralled to spend two nights at Kensi's apartment that week with his two favourite people, but it meant Deeks had been driving back and forth to pick him up and drop him off before work the next morning.

Deeks shuffles over to her. "Will you stay all weekend?"

She pretends to think about it. "I could maybe be convinced to stay all weekend..."

His eyes light up and Kensi suddenly desperately wishes they weren't at work so she could kiss him. "And what would one have to do to convince you to stay?"

She raises an eyebrow.

Deeks smirks. "Oh, I can definitely do _that_."

"And chocolate cake for dessert."

"Done."

"Then yes, I will stay for the weekend."

He beams. "Do you need to run home first?"

She bites her lip and successfully fights the urge to look away from him. "I may have pre-emptively put a go bag in my trunk this morning..."

He laughs.

"A good agent should always be prepared!" She argues.

"Isn't that the motto of the boy scouts?"

She swats at him. "Do you want me to change my mind and go home?"

He keeps smiling, not even bothering to pretend to take her threat seriously. "Come on, Kens, I'll let you pick all the toppings you want on the pizza..."

They walk out together and drive in tandem to his apartment. Monty, as usual, is ecstatic to see the two of them. They phone in the pizza order and then take the dog out for a walk while they wait for it to be delivered.

The evening is spent on the couch watching old movies and slipping bites of pizza to a very happy Monty.

In the middle of the night, Kensi wakes up, her throat dry and demanding something to drink after all the salty pizza. She rolls away from her partner. She's tempted to steal the sheet, but he's got it partially wrapped around himself this time.

She's no longer hesitant about walking around his bedroom without clothes on, but she can't remember if they shut the curtains in his living room before they went to bed, so she's not about to head for the kitchen without putting something on. It's dark and she's not exactly sure where either of their clothes went in their hurry to undress, but thankfully, she knows where he keeps his tee shirts.

She shuffles over to his dresser and pulls open the third drawer. She reaches into the drawer, her hand searching out whatever shirt is on top in the dark. But instead of soft and worn cotton, she finds smooth silk. Frowning, she pulls the fabric out of the drawer. She squints in the low light of the room to see she's holding a...robe. A very feminine, lilac coloured silk robe, which had definitely not been in this drawer five days earlier. He had clearly bought it for her and left it in a place he had known she would find it.

Kensi bites her lip and turns to stare at her surprisingly sweet partner as he lies sleeping across the room, unaware she's found his gift. With a sigh, she dons the robe and pads her way out of the bedroom. She makes her way across the living room - where they had left the curtains wide open, so she's extra grateful for the robe - and into the kitchen. She helps herself to a bottle of water from the fridge and satisfies her thirst. After returning the bottle to the fridge, she makes her way through the living room to close the curtains.

Monty is fast asleep in his doggy-bed, his feet twitching as if he is chasing something in his dreams. He doesn't even flinch as she walks by. She stops at the window and reaches up to the curtains, but pauses when the light from the streetlights catches on something she hadn't been able to see in the dark.

She looks down at herself, her attention now solely focused on the patch of fabric over her left chest area. He'd had 'Fern' embroidered in the fabric. After a careful look, she rolls her eyes and continues to shut the curtains. Then she makes her way back through the living room in the dark, knowing his home too well to need any light to navigate it.

She makes her way back into his bedroom and slips out of the robe, which she bundles and leaves on her bedside table. Then she lifts the sheets and slips back into bed beside her partner. He shifts and rolls towards her.

"Kens?" He says groggily.

She presses into him and kisses his neck. "Thank you for my robe," she whispers.

He wraps his arm over her and settles against her. For a moment, she thinks he's fallen back to sleep. "I wanted you to have something here," he tells her after a long moment. "I want you to be comfortable here."

Kensi presses herself even closer to him. "I _am_ comfortable here."

**X**

**No regrets...**

After their fourth Champions of the World basketball competition against Callen and Sam, Kensi and Deeks go out for drinks with their teammates. After a narrow win for Kensi and Deeks, drinks are on Callen and Sam.

"I still demand a rematch," Sam states as they collapsed onto chairs around the small round table.

"That was the rematch," Kensi points out.

Deeks chuckles and lifts his glass to cheers with his partner. "To champions of the world. Again."

Callen and Sam glare at them as they smirk and take long gulps of beer.

"We won once," Callen points out.

"Pity win," Kensi says.

"It's not my fault I have to carry my partner," Sam says.

"Hey!" Callen complains. "If anyone is doing the carrying, it's me."

"How do you figure?"

"I was doing all the work out there."

"You were barely doing anything. And you're too short for basketball."

"Too short? I'll have you know I'm agile. Unlike some people..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what that's supposed to mean."

Deeks bit back a laugh and turned a serious look on the two partners. "Wow, guys, I have to say I'm a little hurt," he cuts in. They both stop bickering long enough to stare at him.

Kensi doesn't miss a beat. "Me, too. Why would you get married and not invite us?"

They laugh together.

"We do not bicker like a married couple," Callen and Sam say in tandem, which only cause Kensi and Deeks to laugh harder.

"Oh, you so do," Deeks counters.

Sam glares at him.

Kensi laughs and takes another sip of her beer.

"So, this place it nice," Deeks comments, glancing around in an attempt to change the subject. The bar is an odd combination of modern and outdated with a bit of a country vibe. "Why haven't we come here before?"

Sam motions to the mechanical bull in the corner.

Deeks glances at the mechanical bull and then back to Sam. He shrugs. "So?"

"Can't bring Hetty here," Kensi informs him.

"Hetty plus alcohol plus mechanical bull equals bar fight," Callen adds.

Deeks raises an eyebrow. "How do you even know that?" He asks, and then raises a hand. "You know what? I don't need to know." He shakes his head. "And I'm not even surprised."

"To not being surprised," Kensi says, holding up her glass. The team clinks their glasses together.

Several glasses later, a particular song plays - a country line dancing song - and Callen perks up. He laughs and stands. "Kens, they're playing our song."

"Not a chance."

He reaches for her arm and gives a gentle tug. "Come on, Kens. For old time's sake?"

Deeks watches with great interest as his partner scrunches her nose before sighing and allowing herself to be tugged to her feet and out onto the dance floor. And then he watches in what can only be described as fascination as Kensi and Callen join the twenty or so people in the line dance on the dance floor. They aren't particularly good, nor do they appear to know the steps, but they're laughing together as they keep bumping into each other.

"Uh..." He glances at Sam and then back at their respective partners. "Am I missing something?"

Sam chuckles. "That takes me back." He shakes his head and then leans forward to explain. "Must have been one of Kensi's first cases with us; probably the first time we took her undercover for anything significant. She and Callen went in as a couple on a first date at a country western bar. Had to spend the evening line dancing and such," he explained, motioning to what they were attempting to do now. "Danced for hours. Never heard Callen complain so much. Then the shit hit the fan and Kensi saved his sorry ass. That's when he started calling her his favourite agent."

"She proved herself," he summarized.

Sam nods. "Oh, did she ever. Born operator."

Deeks smiles at the sight of his normally poised and confident partner struggling to maintain the relatively simple dance step by Callen's side. Unfortunately, one of the two of them kept bumping into the other. But then she'd laugh and elbow her dance partner away from her, determined to try again. Amazing, as usual. Sam was saying something to him, but Deeks wasn't quite paying attention.

"Deeks?"

He tears his attention away from his partner. "Hmm?"

Sam shoots him a knowing look. "I asked if you had any regrets?"

Deeks glances back to his partner and then back to Sam. He and Kensi had decided they weren't hiding their relationship, but they weren't exactly flaunting it either, so he wasn't exactly certain what Sam was talking about. "About...?"

"Leaving LAPD. Officially joining NCIS. It's been two months now."

"LAPD, right." Deeks shakes his head. "No regrets. Happy with my decision."

"That's good." Sam smirks. "What did you think I was talking about?"

Deeks shrugs and reaches for his beer. He takes a long sip. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he mumbles.

Sam shakes his head and sighs. "Seriously, Deeks, sometimes I question how you survive doing undercover work."

Deeks runs his hand through his hair.

Sam laughs. "And then I see you at it and I know you're a born operator, just like you're partner. But if you and Kensi plan to keep your private life private, you need to work on your poker face."

**X**

**I'm totally on board...**

They'd had great plans to spend the weekend together.

And in the end, they had spent the weekend together. Unfortunately, they ended up spending the weekend chasing bad guys and getting shot at. The case wrapped up in the early hours of Sunday morning in the middle of November. Exhausted and out of clean clothes, the partners retired to their respective homes for some much needed showering and sleeping.

Kensi woke up early in the afternoon and set to work completing some long ignored chores at home. She'd been spending more and more time with her partner lately, so what was already minimal housekeeping on her part was getting ignored.

By the time she'd done two loads of laundry and a basic clean of the kitchen and bathroom, her stomach was demanding she feed it. A quick glance in her fridge told her eating in wasn't an option. She would have to order something or go out. She debating calling Deeks, but wondered if he was still sleeping. Their case had stretched on for several days with very little sleep.

She was just about to send him a text to see if he was awake when there was a knock at the door.

She opens the door and smiles at the sight that greets her. Deeks and Monty are on her front step. Deeks is dressed casually in jeans and a light sweatshirt. Monty is sitting beside him, his tail wagging furiously back and forth.

"My two favourite boys," she greets. She opens the door wide and motions for them to come in, but they don't move to enter her apartment.

"Monty wants to know if you'll join us for dinner," Deeks says.

She laughs. "Monty wants to know, huh?"

He nods and motions down at the dog, whose excitement has grown at the mention of his name.

"And where are we going for dinner?"

"It's a surprise."

She resists the urge to roll her eyes. "What do I need to bring?"

"Nothing. Monty already packed the car."

"I'm sure he did." She focuses her attention on her dog. "You're very talented, Monty."

The dog practically beams up at her.

She looks back to Deeks. "Should I change first?" She's wearing the jeans and tee shirt she'd pulled on when she'd woken up that afternoon.

"Nope, you're perfect. Though, you should probably bring a sweater. We'll be outside."

Kensi dons a long sleeved shirt, which happens to be the long sleeved shirt he'd left at her apartment the week before, grabs her cell and follows him down the walkway to his car.

He takes them to the beach.

He has a cooler packed with sandwiches and drinks, though he continues to give the credit to his four legged companion. They eat and throw a ball for Monty until the dog has enough running around and flops down in front of them to take advantage of the late afternoon sun.

She leans her head onto his shoulder as they watch the sun dip lower into the sky over the water. "This is really nice, Deeks. I can see why you like the beach and the water so much. It's peaceful."

She feels him press a kiss to the top of her head before wrapping his arm around her waist. "I always thought it would be awesome to live on the beach; watch the sunset every night..." he muses.

"I'm totally on board," she says without thinking. It's a good few seconds before they both seem to simultaneously realize she's just basically agreed to live with him one day. Her first instinct is to take it back or try to explain, but she doesn't. She takes a breath and slowly releases it. They've hit and passed the two month mark as more than partners. They're well past the four year mark as partners. She knows everything she needs to know about him. At this point, the thought of _not_ one day living with him is scarier than the alternative. She sighs and relaxes against him. He relaxes too and holds her a little tighter. She decides that means he agrees. She also decides she's more than okay with that.

Together, they watch the sun dip in the sky, approaching the horizon. The air begins to cool. They shift so she's sitting between his legs and leaning back against him. Monty moves closer, no longer stretched out, but now curled up at their feet.

Deeks wraps his arms snuggly around her waist as she leans against his chest. He rests his chin on her shoulder and sighs. "I wish we didn't have to go back to work tomorrow. We'll barely have been off for twenty four hours..."

Kensi closes her eyes. "I know. I thought I'd have trouble sleeping tonight after sleeping so late, but I'm already so tired I don't think that'll be a problem."

"Do you want to go back?"

"Not quite yet. This is really nice."

He removes his chin from her shoulder long enough to press a kiss there and then returns it. He manages to stretch his head so far forward beside her that their cheeks brush.

She presses her cheek against his and smiles. "I love you, Deeks," she whispers. She voices the words before she realizes, but once she's said them she's not sorry. She's loved him for a long time; it's about time she tells him.

"Kens," he practically breathes her name. He pulls away and twists just far enough to meet her eyes. He reaches a hand to brush her hair back from the side of her face. "I love you, too."

She's smiling when he kisses her.

**X**

**It's not all fun and games...**

Kensi is ready for this case to be over.

Two weeks of dead ends and overnight stakeouts and feeling one step behind.

And then everything had changed in the last twenty four hours. The two sets of partners had been sent to two different locations looking for their suspects. Callen and Sam had ended up at the correct location, only to be caught in an explosion. Thankfully, neither were badly injured, but neither were cleared to return to the field.

Nell had joined Kensi and Deeks in the field to continue hunting for the men now wanted for stealing top secret naval software, murder of two petty officers, and now attempted murder of two NCIS agents.

This is the third warehouse they've entered to clear that morning and they've been up so long, Kensi's lost track of the last time she's slept more than an hour at a time. Despite her exhaustion, though, the moment she steps foot into the warehouse, she feels the back of her neck crawl and she _knows_ they are in the right place.

Deeks steps in behind her. She glances at him and he nods. He knows too. His expression says the same thing she is thinking. _Let's end this now_.

She begins clearing her side of the room when Nell joins them.

Working silently, they methodically clear their respective thirds of the warehouse, working front to back. She and Deeks work the sides, keeping Nell between them and in their peripheral vision. She and Deeks communicate every twenty seconds through taps on their coms.

To her left, she sees a flash of movement. She immediately turns her weapon in the direction. She doesn't have time to tap a message to her partner, but he will come to her when she he doesn't hear from her. He will let her miss one round of twenty seconds, but after forty seconds, she knows he will come.

She thinks the flash of movement was a person going for cover, so she does the same. She moves forward and to the right, finding strategic cover. But then there's a flash of light which blinds her. She's disoriented, but her training and instincts have her holding onto her weapon and hitting the floor.

Unfortunately, her hunter has anticipated her reaction and is on her in an instant. She fights back, but he's good and she doesn't have much of an advantage at this angle. Then the familiar weight of a gun barrel is pressed against the back of her skull and she chooses to stop fighting altogether. Their suspects had killed two petty officers execution style to tie up loose ends. She knows he won't hesitate to pull the trigger if he feels it is necessary.

Kensi tosses her weapon away and holds up her hands.

"Stand up," he demands, grabbing her arm and wrenching her to her feet.

She refuses to show any weakness or pain as he grips her arm painfully behind her back and shoves the barrel of his gun against her temple.

"Now, we're going to walk out of here together nice and slow."

"No, you're going to release my partner and you and I are going to walk out of here together. Only, you're going to be in handcuffs," Deeks voice calls from close by. His tone is steady and even.

The man holding her reacts quickly, swinging them both so they are facing Deeks, Kensi solidly in between him and Deeks, being used as a shield. "I don't think so."

Deeks is holding his gun up, level and unwavering. "It's either in cuffs or a body bag; your choice."

Kensi stares at her partner, willing him to be able to take the shot this time. This situation so closely mirrored that of one year ago, after their first night together. They'd been lucky neither of them had been hurt and the stolen flash drive had eventually been safely recovered. But they couldn't rely on luck a second time.

The gunman shoved the gun harder against the side of Kensi's head, as if trying to prove his point. "I'll shoot her man. I'll do it."

"We're federal agents. You hurt her and you're a dead man. You know that. Your only choice is to let her go _now_. Or I'm taking the shot. I'm giving you two seconds to let her go. And I'm not counting out loud, so you better let her go. _Now._"

He doesn't let her go. Kensi opens her mouth, about to urge her partner to _take the shot_, when the gunman's grip on her arm releases and his body drops from behind her.

Kensi turns and stares down at the body, bullet hole dead center in his forehead, courtesy of her partner. She hadn't even processed hearing the shot...

She turns back to her partner. He's speaking into his com, probably to Nell. She lifts her hand to her ear when she realizes she can't hear. She must have lost her com in her fall and fight with the gunman.

"Nell's got the other guy. I sent her looking when you didn't check in," Deeks tells her, walking up quickly. He takes in her expression. "Are you okay?" He suddenly looks alarmed. "I didn't hit you, right? You're not hurt?"

She shakes her head.

He glances around, hyper aware of their surroundings, and then takes a moment to cup her cheek. "Kens, I need you to pull yourself together, can you do that? We still don't know if the warehouse is clear. Nell's got this bastard's partner, but we don't know for sure if there's more than two. Eric's got LAPD on their way, but it'll be at least ten minutes."

Kensi takes a deep breath and ducks down to pull her spare handgun from her ankle holster. "I'm good, partner. You had my back, I have yours."

They continue to clear the warehouse, finding no one else. LAPD shows up and allows Kensi, Deeks and Nell to escort their remaining living suspect out of the warehouse. Nell is laughing when she tells them she found him cowering under a table, begging her not to shoot him. Definitely not the brains of the operation.

Nell takes their suspect to the boatshed, where Callen and Sam, though not cleared for fieldwork, are more than ready to interrogate. Kensi and Deeks remain on scene. They are questioned individually about Deeks's shooting, which is standard practice. He'd given fair warning and no one had any doubt the gunman would have shot Kensi soon had Deeks not taken the shot. There are no concerns of wrongdoing.

Kensi's main weapon is returned to her and they are released from questioning. She lets him drive and they get halfway to the boatshed before he pulls over on a quiet street. He's out of the car practically before she realizes they've stopped.

"Deeks!" She calls. She's going to go after him, but there's no need, because he's coming to her. He hurries around the front of the car to the passenger door. She watches and she's ready for him. She opens her door and jumps out in time for his arms to wrap around her the moment her feet hit the ground.

His body is trembling against hers. He presses his face into the crook of her neck and breathes hard. His arms wrap tightly around her waist and his hands grab fistfuls of her shirt at her back. "Kens...Kens..." He murmurs.

She runs her fingers through his hair and along his upper back. "Deeks," she whispers.

He takes a shuddering breath and lifts his head. His eyes are dry, but she sees anguish in them. "I've taken those shots before and for you I'll take then a thousand times again. But I will hate them _every_ time."

"I know," she says softly.

"But I took the shot," he whispers.

"I know you did."

"I did it this time." He breathes in and then out. In and then out. "I still wondered, after last year, if I would," he admits. "I wanted to think I would. I wanted to think we could be together and still be partners. But I didn't know for sure until now."

"You took the shot," she echoes his words, feeding off his pride. "And you were so focused after, Deeks. You kept your focus on the mission. You got me focused again." She smiled at him and placed both hands on his shoulders so she could look him in the eye. "You were a really good partner today."

He smiles down at her. "I have to be a good partner to keep up with you, Kens."

She shakes her head and playfully slaps his chest. "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't downplay what you did. You were an incredible partner today, Deeks. You were the strong partner today. You carried us today, and we both know it."

He took a deep breath and stared at her for a long moment, and then he nodded and reached for her hand. "Maybe we can take turns being the strong one sometimes?"

She nods. "Okay." She squeezes his hand. "It's nice to have someone to rely on."

"It's nice to be trusted to be relied on."

She can't not kiss him after he goes and says something like that, so she does. She presses her lips to his until both have to break away for air and then she hugs him tight.

"I love you," he tells her.

"I love you, too," she says back.

After one more kiss and one more hug, they separate and return to their respective seats in the car. Deeks drives them the rest of the way to the boatshed. Their remaining suspect has already given a full confession verbally. He's writing out his statement on paper.

Callen and Sam are waiting for them.

"You good, Kens?" Sam asks.

Kensi nods. "I'm good."

Callen gives her a look.

She rolls her eyes. "It's not like that's the first time that's happened. I'm good," she repeats, motioning to Deeks. "My partner got me out of it."

Sam claps Deeks on the back. "Nice shot, Deeks."

Deeks nods. "Thanks."

Callen glances at them both, his eyes filled with a knowing look. He hadn't said anything since Kensi and Deeks had officially become more than partners, but they weren't actively hiding their relationship so they assumed Callen knew. And now, it seemed, they had passed a very important test. "Good job," he tells them both.

**X**

**Like mother, like daughter...**

Kensi pulled the car into the driveway of the now-so-familiar house, marvelling at how amazing it was to have somewhere to go today after so many years alone. No more pretending to have plans, no more fake trips to visit fake relatives in Seattle.

She glanced at the man next to her, reminding her how amazing it was to have someone to go _with_ her.

Deeks was sitting quietly in the passenger seat, his fingers working anxiously at the seam along the knee of his pants.

"You okay?"

He looks over at her and offers a tight smile. "Fine."

She raises an eyebrow. "You don't look fine."

He sighs. "I just...I've never done this; met the parents."

She frowns. "You've met my mom a dozen times, Deeks. Probably two dozen times. My mom loves you."

"She loves her daughter's partner, just not necessarily her daughter's _partner_."

Kensi shakes her head and bites back a laugh. "It'll be fine. She just wants me to be happy. And you make me happy. And she knows that. And it's Christmas, Deeks."

He stares at her for a long moment, considering her words.

She smirks. "And if she hates you, I'll protect you."

He chokes out a laugh.

Kensi smiles. "That's better. Now, Monty and I are going in and we'd really like if you'd join us." She gets out of the car and opens the back door to let the very excited dog out. She hears Deeks get out of the car and they meet at the trunk. She lifts out the gift bags for her mom and stepfather, leaving the wine and side dish for Deeks.

When Julia had invited them for Christmas dinner, Deeks had insisted they bring a side dish. Kensi, assuming Deeks would be the one to make it, had agreed. Of course, as the date drew nearer, she realized her family-less partner had, of course, never had reason to cook any large meals, so had no idea how to cook any sort of fancy side dish. Together, they had scoured the internet for recipes, before deciding on a sweet-potato-pecan casserole, which they had baked together and which after taste-testing at each step, Kensi was pretty certain should be classified as a dessert.

It had been fun to try something new with Deeks. They'd both been a little out of their element, and there'd been a lot of double and triple checking the recipe before moving forward with any steps.

They reach the front door and she knocks before pushing open the door. "Merry Christmas!" She calls, announcing their arrival.

Deeks is still a little hesitant, so she steps in first with Monty.

Julia appears quickly down the hall and hurries to greet them. After so many years separated from her daughter, they will never have the relationship they could have had, but they've made great progress in the last couple years.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," she greets, warmly. She pulls Kensi into a tight hug.

"Merry Christmas, mom."

Julia pulls back and smiles at her daughter before turning her attention to Deeks. She smiles warmly at her daughter's partner turned more-than-partner. "Marty, Merry Christmas." She steps forward and hugs him, too.

"Merry Christmas, Julia," he says back.

When she pulls back, she smiles down at Monty, who is sitting and staring up at Julia, his tail wagging emphatically back and forth. He's wearing a doggy Christmas hat Deeks had brought home from the pet food store one day. Kensi had felt sorry for him, but he actually seems to like wearing the hat.

"You must be Monty," Julia greets the dog.

Monty chuffs and his tail wagging increases.

She pats his head, right behind the hat. "You look very festive."

Kensi rolls her eyes and unclips his leash. "Poor Monty," she says, looking at Deeks.

He laughs. "He likes the hat," he argues back, well practiced. It was the same argument they'd been having all week.

They follow her mother into the kitchen, where Kensi's stepfather, Brian, is basting the turkey. They exchange greetings as he finishes with the turkey. Deeks presents their hosts with the bottle of wine and Julia pours then all a glass. Wineglasses in hand, they head for the living room.

Kensi and Deeks settle together on the loveseat. Kensi watches with a smiles as Monty begins a perimeter check of the room, stopping to sniff each and every item of furniture before moving on to the next, his tail wagging the entire time. He's always such a happy dog.

"So, are you kids off for the holidays?" Brian asks.

"For a couple days," Kensi answers, "But we're on call if anything comes up."

"Well, hopefully the bad guys will take Christmas off, too."

She smiles and nods. Because of the way her mother came back into her life, most notably the fact that that case ended with a shootout on her mother's property, her mother and stepfather had been read into what she did for a living. She was grateful that she didn't have to lie to them, especially her mother. But that didn't mean they knew the extent of what she and Deeks did for a living or the extent of danger they got into on a regular basis.

"Were you working yesterday?" Julia asks. She had offered to have them over for Christmas Eve dinner as well, but Kensi had declined.

"We were at work yesterday morning," she states, choosing not to tell them about the car chase, shootout and not-so-minor-explosion. "And then last night we had...other plans." As had become their tradition to do together sometime during the holidays, Kensi and Deeks had spent several hours volunteering at the soup kitchen.

Julia accepts her explanation without asking for more details.

"I almost forgot," Julia states, turning her attention to Deeks. "Marty, Kensi told me you finally made the switch to NCIS official."

"Finally, huh?" Deeks says dryly. He chuckles. "Yes, I _finally_ and officially gave up the LAPD liaison and became an NCIS agent."

"When did you do that?" Brian asks.

Deeks glances at Kensi. "About...five months ago?"

Kensi nods.

Deeks looks back to Julia and Brian. "Five months ago."

"Well, our belated congratulations. Unfortunately, my daughter chose only to inform me recently." Julia smirks at her daughter. "Not the only development she chose to keep to herself until recently..."

Kensi felt her cheeks heat, but she fought the urge to avoid eye contact with her mother or lean away from her partner, knowing her mother was purposefully teasing her. It hadn't been until her mother had called the first week of December asking about Kensi's availability around Christmas that Kensi had come clean about her updated relationship status with her partner.

Monty chose that moment to complete his perimeter check of the room. He meandered over to Kensi and Deeks, his santa hat crooked, and sat in front of them, eyes imploring for help.

Kensi smiles at dog and leans forward, grateful for the distraction. She straightens the hat and gives Monty a pat on his head. The dog wags his tail, turns around twice and collapses at their feet, content. Unfortunately, when she sits back up, her mother is still staring at her.

"What?"

Julia's eyes sparkle at her daughter's tenacity. "I'm just wondering why you chose to keep this from me for so long?"

"It's only been four months."

Julia smirks. "Okay, there's one piece of information you wouldn't give me before. We have a timeline."

Kensi snaps her mouth close and fought the urge to physically growl when she realized her mother had actually just managed to trick information out of her. Beside her, Deeks was laughing.

"Okay, that was impressive. Now I know where Kensi gets it from."

Kensi elbows her partner in the side.

Deeks flinches and shifts to cover his ribs from further attacks, but he's still chuckling. "Seriously, Kens, that was right out of your playbook. Or maybe, I should be saying your tricks are out of hers?"

Kensi crosses her arms. "Shut up," she tells him. She turns to her mother. "Why do you want to know these things?"

"Because you're my daughter. And Marty is clearly important to you."

For a good fifteen seconds, mother and daughter stare each other down. Julia wants them to have _that_ mother-daughter relationship where they talk about these kinds of things. Kensi...she's not so sure. Part of her wants it too. Part of her is gun shy. But she spent so much time and effort becoming stronger. More in touch with her feelings. Better able to _feel_ her feelings.

Deeks reaches out and lays a hand over her lower thigh, just offering support. His thumb brushes back and forth. Silent and supportive. It's the reminder and push she needs, all rolled into one.

She takes a breath and nods. "Okay, fine. What is it you want to know?" She shifts and leans into her partner.

Julia smiles softly at her daughter. "How did it start?"

Before Kensi can begin to come up with an answer, Deeks starts to talk.

"I was undercover at this MMA gym, and one day this girl walks in..."

**X**

**I'll watch over you...**

Kensi yawns and pulls her fingers from Deeks's hair momentarily to stretch her arms up above her head. She's stiff from sitting in the same position for so many hours, but he's asleep with his head in her lap so she's not about to make him move. Not today.

She reaches for another disposable icepack and breaks the inner packet to create the cool sensation. Then she carefully lays it across his face, temple to forehead, where he'd taken the brunt of the impact from the steel pipe. With her left hand. She presses the icepack to his face and she returns her right to running through his hair.

"'s feels nice," he mumbles.

She says nothing in return, hoping his will fall back to sleep. It wasn't the first time he had woken when she'd placed a new icepack on his face, but she could usually get him back to sleep quite easily.

For several moments, he's quiet. His breathing doesn't change and she begins to believe he's fallen back to sleep again. But then he sighs. "...shopping channel?"

She smiles and shakes her head. Busted. "I needed something to watch," she justifies. "And I wanted something where I could just turn off the sound so you could sleep."

"Hmm," he murmurs, slow to process. And then, "cold."

She laughs. "Icepack."

"I got hurt again?"

"Some asshole hit you in the face with a pipe." She wants to tell him he was outnumbered two to one _before_ the guy with the pipe showed up, but had been holding his own. She wants to tell him how impressed Callen and Sam had been with his fighting skills. She wants to tell him how desperate she'd been to get to him, to back up her partner, but she'd been cut off from him and had had to backtrack her own path and then find her way through the maze of a warehouse they'd been caught in. She wants to tell him he'd held the bad guys off just long enough to save the day. She wants to tell him so many things, but holds off, know his mildly concussed brain can't process much right now.

He groans and struggles to sit up. She helps him. Once sitting upright on the couch, he feels around his face and winces. He turns to look at her and she winces, too. What had been red and purple, is now a much deeper purple, with hues of blue spreading across his temple, upper cheek, forehead and eyebrow. His left eye is bloodshot and swollen.

He reaches towards her with a surprisingly steady hand. "Kens, that is not an expression any man wants to see on the face of a woman he is sleeping with when she is looking at him."

She laughs. "I still love you," she offers dryly. "That just looks...painful."

"Well, it feels awesome," he says, sarcasm heavy in his tone.

She picks up the abandoned icepack and thrusts it into his hand. "Ice. Fifteen minutes every hour."

He grumbles, but acquiesces. He winces at the first contact, but then sighs. "This actually feels kind of nice." He leans back against the couch and she follows suit, snuggling against his shoulder. "What time is it?"

Kensi glances at the time on her TV box. "Almost three in the morning."

"What time did we get home?"

She allows herself a smile at him calling her place home. "Around eight."

"Have you been awake this whole time?" It's not really a question, and they both know it.

She shrugs. "I've been worried about you, Deeks."

He sighs and shifts to put his free arm around her.

"Do you remember going to the hospital?" He'd been dazed after the hit. Kensi had gotten there after Callen and Sam had already arrived and neutralized the three suspects. She'd found Deeks sitting on a crate, bent forward, head in his hands, clutching his face. Callen was crouched in front of him, trying to assess his condition. Callen and Sam had arrived right in time to see the impact, and had confirmed he had not lost consciousness, but had definitely been good and dazed. Kensi had taken him to the hospital. He'd been cleared of any fracture or more serious issue. The doctor has said he had a mild concussion.

"Yup," he says. "And then we picked up Monty. And then we came here because you had more icepacks."

She smiled at him remembering so easily.

"And now I think we should go to bed."

"Deeks..."

He starts to shake his head and the winces and stops. "No arguments, Kens. You need to sleep, too. Come on, a few hours without ice won't kill me. Come get some sleep. I insist."

"You insist, huh?"

"I do."

She smiles and nods. "Okay." She stands and grabs a handful of icepacks, just in case she happens to wake up. It'll be easier if they're already there. Deeks, of course, sees her, but says nothing. He cautiously stands, and appears happy to be steady on his feet.

"Do you need anything? The doctor sent you home with pain killers," she reminds him.

"I just need sleep," he says, reaching for her hand, "And you."

_**AN: As I said above, I've split the chapter for length. The second half is almost ready to go - I'd say it'll be ready in less than a week; I'm just working on the last couple scenes. Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. It was surprisingly different to write them together as opposed to wanting to be together.**_

_**I really want to thank everyone for urging me to continue. I've really enjoyed writing this story and hope to write more in the future.**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN: So sorry it took so long to get this chapter posted. I had most of this chapter's 'scenes' written by the time I posted the last chapter, but when all of the planned 'scenes' were written the chapter as a whole was unbalanced. Unfortunately, being the last chapter, it was difficult to place the right 'scenes' the keep the flow of the chapter. Again, sorry for the delay, but thanks so much for the continued support!**_

**X**

**Closure...**

For almost a week, the field agents of OSP track leads and follow suspects as the twists and turns of one particular case tries everyone's patience. They just arrive at work one morning, only to find out another suspect had gotten into a car chase with an unknown player two hours earlier, which ended in a collision and shootout, with the living contenders fleeing on foot. Callen and Sam, and Kensi and Deeks head out for the scene, hoping for some information and direction.

The scene isn't hard to find. Roads in all directions are closed. At the closest roadblock, Kensi rolls down her window and flashes her badge. She gets them waved through without much attention or hesitation. If anything, the LAPD officer manning the roadblock is bored and uninterested. She drives down the rest of the street to the scene of the accident and shootout, which is heavily blocked off. Surrounding the police tape is a dozen police cars, plus forensics vehicles. As well as the two vehicles involved in the chase, six others were sucked into the accident. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt, but the street and surrounding area is a mess.

Kensi parks and makes a face. "I'm kind of glad this _isn't_ our scene."

Deeks chuckles. "That's going to take a long time to clean up."

They exchange a look before stepping out of the SRX. A stern and determined looking officer is already striding up to them. "Excuse me, you can't be here."

They both pull out their badges.

Kensi takes the lead. "NCIS. Agents Blye and Deeks. We just have a few-"

The officer scoffs. "Oh, I see how it is. You think you can just show up and take over? This is _our_ scene."

Kensi and Deeks exchange a glance.

Deeks steps forward, putting his four years of liaising skills to work. "Look, Officer Travers," he says, taking the man's name from his uniform. He's not an officer that Deeks recognizes. "We're not looking to take over. But one of your drivers may intersect with one of our cases, so we're here to see if we can obtain some information. That's all. We're willing to share what we know if LAPD will do the same." He pauses for effect. "Can we work together?"

The officer stares at him for a moment. "I'll have to run it by my superior."

"That'll be fine. Thank you." Deeks knows they can go over the LAPD's heads for access, but he also knows it goes a long way to give the allusion of choice.

The officer directs them to follow him over to the police tape and leaves them while he ducks under to discuss the situation with his superior.

"Is it weird being here?" Kensi asks.

"Hmm?"

She shrugs. "I guess I never thought..." She sighs. "You were one of us for so long. When you finally became an agent, I never considered that you were actually leaving a lot behind."

Deeks stares at the scene before them. Dozens of officers, detectives and crime scene techs mill about, processing the scene in what can only be described as organized and well-practised chaos. He'd been part of that scene once, but never really a _part _of it. He sighs. "I'm where I belong now, Kens."

"I'm glad." She offers him a smile.

He smiles back. "Me, too."

A plain clothed detective saunters up to them. Deeks recognizes him instantly. He'd never exactly liked the man, but he'd always respected him as a cop. "Blake," he greets.

"Deeks," Blake greets. "Thought that was you when you pulled up." He motions to Kensi without actually acknowledging her personally. "Letting a lady drive you around?"

Deeks can practically feel Kensi bristle beside him. "Letting my _partner_ drive," he responds, "It's called compromise. With all your failed partnerships, I guess it's a foreign concept to you," he attempts a joke, but neither his former co-worker or current partner go along with it. He pauses. "Kens, this is Detective Lawrence Blake. Blake, this is Special Agent Kensi Blye, my partner."

Neither move to shake hands, but that isn't unexpected after Blake's not so welcoming initial comments. He's a few years older than Deeks, and very _traditional _in his views. He'd always been vocal about his views on women in law enforcement.

Before anything more can be said - or glared - Callen and Sam materialize beside them. They had taken different routes, having disagreed on which way would be fastest.

"If you say _I told you so_, Deeks, I won't hesitate to smack you_," _Sam mutters.

Kensi smirks. "Fine, then I'll say it for us. We told you so."

Deeks laughs with his partner as Callen and Sam glare at them both.

"If my partner could navigate, we would have been here first," Sam states.

"You're the one who said you knew where you were going," Callen retorts.

"I said I knew the general path. It was still up to you to figure out the best actual path once we were off the freeway."

"Well, you should have been more clear."

"I shouldn't have to be more clear. You should understand me without me having to explain."

"I disagree."

Deeks turns back to Blake. "These are Agents Callen and Hanna, who have been married for..." He turns to the bickering agents. "How long have you been married, again?"

Sam takes an angry step towards him and he jokingly jumps behind Kensi, using her as cover.

Kensi laughs.

Sam points a finger at the two of them. "Don't think I won't kick both your asses."

Deeks scoffs. "We both know you'll never go for Kensi. And not because she's a woman, but because we all know she can take you." He doesn't acknowledge Blake through this exchange, but he knows the detective is still watching, so Deeks chooses his words with purpose.

"Deeks has a point," Callen points out.

Sam makes a face. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I won't get you back for that."

Deeks smirked. "You do and I'll sic my partner on you."

Kensi laughs again, but nods. "Got your back, partner."

Before Sam could respond, Officer Travers returned with Lieutenant Bates in tow.

Deeks feels himself sober at the sight of his former boss. Bates had been supportive when Deeks had advised of his decision to give up his liaison position and become an agent the previous year, but he hadn't seen the man since. He wonders now if it's a good idea that he's here, trying to mix his new life with his old.

"Deeks," Bates greets, ducking under the police tape so they are on the same side. Travers follows suit. Detective Blake remains where he is.

"Bates," Deeks greets, shaking his hand.

"It's good to see you, kid. When Travers said Agents Deeks and Blye were here, I had to come see for myself. What can we do for NCIS today? Come to steal more of my detectives?"

"I don't think we stole him so much as got stuck with him," Sam counters, revenge for Deeks's earlier comments, no doubt.

"Kind of a 'you break it, you buy it' policy," Callen says, backing up his partner.

"Ran out the warranty," Kensi piles on, "Couldn't send him back."

"Okay, feeling the love today..." Deeks shakes his head.

Bates laughs. "Oh, yeah, Deeks. You definitely found your home." He looks to the young officer next to him. "Officer Travers, did you know _Agent_ Deeks, here, was one of us?"

Travers shook his head. "No, sir."

Bates nods. "He was a damn good detective. The kind of cop you should aspire to become."

Deeks swallows hard at the unexpected compliment. He had expected to leave his LAPD life behind and not be remembered as anything. This was a surprise; a _good_ kind of surprise.

"So," Bates moves on, "What can we do for NCIS?"

Deeks takes the lead for his team, explaining the connection to their case.

Bates nods and welcomes them into the crime scene. As they step under the tape, Detective Blake is still standing on the other side.

"Don't you have work to be doing?" Bates barks at him, which sends him scurrying off to check in with the crime scene techs. He shakes his head. "Good cop, but far too interested in everyone else's business."

Deeks nods, but says nothing.

With a gentler tone, Bates sends Officer Travers off to work as well. He allows NCIS full access to the crime scene, unescorted, which Deeks knows is only because it's his team. But he also knows no one on the team will take advantage of the offer. Callen and Sam take Kensi to review the ballistics of the shootout. Deeks remains with Bates.

"You happy with your choice, kid?"

Deeks nods. "No regrets."

"You found a home with NCIS. I was just surprised it took you so long to make it permanent."

Deeks takes a breath as he watches his team introduce themselves to the crime scene techs. There's a brief discussion and some pointing to indicate direction of shots. Deeks recognizes some of the techs. His old life and his new life, colliding. And yet, no implosion.

"I had to figure some things out," he says eventually.

Bates nods. "Officially, I'm angry at NCIS for stealing one of my best detectives. But off the record, I'm proud of you, Deeks."

Deeks blows out a breath and meets his former boss's eyes. "Thanks."

Bates raises an eyebrow. "You ever figure things out with that partner of yours?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you ask a lot of questions?"

Bates's eyes narrow, his history as an interrogator being put to good use. "That wasn't a no."

Deeks allows himself a smile. "No. That wasn't a no."

**X**

**5 Years...**

They arrive at work together. When they'd first pushed past the line of partners and become more than partners, they hadn't been hiding their personal relationship, but they hadn't taken any chances making it obvious, either. But some time after they hit the six month mark they stopped being so subtle. They started discussing plans at work where there could be prying ears, they shared stories of things they did together outside of work, and they drove into work in the same car.

So, on the morning of their fifth anniversary as partners, they arrive together.

Kensi laughs when she finds her desk covered in items that are all related to the number 5 - pencils, pens, a notepad, a little figure in the shape of a number 5 with eyes, arms and legs, a water bottle, a cupcake with a number 5 candle and a cell phone case with 5s all over it. (She found out later Deeks had bought it all ahead of time and left it with Eric and Nell to set up for her surprise).

She eats her cupcake and re-configures her desk to accommodate the new items.

Callen arrives first.

"What's all this?" Callen asks, eyeing the new additions to her desk.

"Just things," she says, running her fingers over her new things. The over-reminder of the number five has reminded her how important a role he's played in her life and for how long. Deeks glances worriedly at her from his desk. She offers him a smile, reassuring that she is okay, and turns back to Callen. "It's our five year anniversary as partners," she tells him.

Callen's eyes widen in surprise and he glances between them. "Wow, that's... How is that possible? I remember you two still griping at each other when Sam and I hit five years?"

Deeks shrugs. "We still gripe at each other now."

Kensi laughs, but shrugs as well. "We were getting close to two years when you guys hit five years. And we weren't _that_ bad." She exchanges a look with her partner. "Trust was a big deal. For both of us." She could still recall with great detail how envious she was of Callen and Sam's partnership that day. Not that she hadn't been happy with her partner by that point, but she had recognized the deeper layer of trust and history they had that Kensi and Deeks just didn't yet.

But they did now.

And Kensi wouldn't give up her partnership for the world.

Sam wandered into the room with a, "Good morning."

"Did you know today marks a special anniversary?" Callen asks his partner.

Sam pauses as he's setting his bag down beside his desk, his expression immediately apprehensive; typical husband afraid he had missed an important date in his own marriage. He quickly runs through all the important dates in his mind before shaking his head and looking up expectantly.

"Kensi and Deeks," Callen supplies. "Five years as partners."

Sam holds up his hands in surprise. "No way. No way you've been partners that long." He looks at Deeks. "No way you've been with us that long."

They spend the next five minutes debating dates and timeframes, until Hetty breaks up the debate to offer her own congratulations. And then Eric is whistling them up to OPs.

Before they head up, Sam claps Deeks on the shoulder and gives Kensi a quick hug and gives them his heartfelt congratulations. "You two drove me crazy-"

"_Us_. You drove both of us crazy," Callen cuts in as they make their way up the stairs.

Sam chuckles. "You drove us _both_ crazy at first. But we're glad you figured things out. You're great partners."

Kensi exchanges a smile with Deeks as they follow the senior partners up the stairs. Deeks even reaches out to squeeze her hand, allowing that line between partners and more-than-partners to be crossed momentarily. They're usually really good about avoiding those lines at work, but she figures on their five year anniversary, they can make an exception.

The case is relatively straight forward. Afterwards, the team goes out for drinks to celebrate their anniversary. It's really nice and casual, and after an hour, Kensi and Deeks relax, and the walls they keep up at work begin to fall. She leans into him and he drapes his arm across her shoulders. At one point, they exchange beers to try the others, and then exchange back, which Kensi knows doesn't escape the notice of their co-workers. But at this point it's no secret they're in a relationship as well as a partnership. And their performance in the field hasn't so much as faltered.

One by one, the rest of the team bids off. Eventually, Kensi and Deeks are left alone.

"Home?" She asks. These days 'home' means either of their places, as long as they are together. They don't spend nights alone anymore.

"Soon. Will you come for a walk with me first?"

"Let me guess... The beach?"

"You know me so well."

"Five years," she reminds.

The restaurant is only two blocks from the beach, so they walk down, hands slinging comfortably between them. They'd parked the car at a lot by the beach when they'd arrived hours earlier, so they leave their shoes in the car now, choosing to wander barefoot along the beach now. The sun is just starting to dip down, and the beach is surprisingly vacant of people even with the low light.

They wander down the beach together in comfortable silence until Kensi sighs. The sunset is giving off brilliant colours over the water and the breeze is a nice relief to the warm air of the day. "This was a nice idea."

"Going for a walk or being partners?"

She rolls her eyes. "The walk. Still undecided on the partners issue," she jokes.

He laughs. "Ouch."

She bumps his hip. "So, five years."

"Five years."

"Did you think we'd make it this far?"

"Nope. I thought if anything you'd kill me long before we got halfway here."

"Be serious."

"Oh, I _am_ being serious. There were a few times where I actually thought you were plotting my murder."

She laughs. "I may have considered it a few times. I am a forensics expert too, you know. I could have hid the body and all forensic clues."

"I know. And Callen and Sam would have helped cover it up."

"Sam, maybe. Callen, definitely."

Deeks laughs, but then sobers. "I don't know when I started to believe we'd make it here, Kens. But I'm infinitely glad we did. And I'm glad we're more than partners." He stops them.

Kensi steps into him, her hands snaking their way up his chest to his shoulders. "Me too, Deeks." She hesitates for a moment before telling him, but it's one of those perfect moment and it's their anniversary, so she kind of can't not tell him. "You're kind of the best thing that ever happened to me," she whispers.

He kisses her. It's a soul deep kiss that seems to go on forever. And when it does eventually end, he doesn't take any more space than he has to. He presses his forehead to hers. His lips are only inches from hers when he whispers, "You're the best thing that happened to me, too, Kens. The very best thing."

She closes her eyes and allows him to sway the two of them side to side ever so slightly. Their fronts are pressed together and his arms are wrapped so securely around her middle. For a moment she seriously considers staying her just like this forever.

"I love you, Kensi Blye," he murmurs into the shared air between them.

She knows. She knows because she feels his love and she sees his love and she senses his love in everything he does for her. And it's the most amazing thing; simply to be loved. He loves her by choice. He chooses to love her. He chooses to spend his time with her, both at work and at home. There's no ulterior motives, no unreasonable expectations, no lies or deceptions. And she gets to love him back, just as fiercely.

"I love you, too," she breathes.

She feels him swallow and his chest hitches against hers.

"Tell me we'll do this in five years," she implores, before he can say anything further.

He pulls back just far enough to meet her eyes. "What?"

She smiles up at him. "In five years, on our ten year anniversary as partners, we'll go out to celebrate, and then walk on the beach together and watch the sunset, together." She presses herself against him for emphasis.

He stares at her for a long moment with an expression she cannot decipher. And then, without warning, he laughs.

Kensi blinks and furrows her brow. "Deeks?"

He's still laughing. He swipes at his eyes, as if expecting tears from his laughter.

"Care to share? Not really seeing the humour?"

He manages to rein in his laughter in order to kiss her again, this time short and sweet. "Yes," he says when he pulls away. "Let's do exactly this five years from today on our tenth anniversary as partners."

"And that's funny because..."

"Because you stole the words right out of my mouth." He shakes his head, humour lighting up his eyes. "Even after five years, you can still surprise me, partner."

She smiles at that, but then frowns. "Okay, well, good to know we're on the same page, but still not seeing how that's funny."

He takes a breath. "You stole my thunder a bit there, Kensalina. That was how I was going to start."

She narrows her eyes. "Start what?"

He grins. "The fact that you are completely oblivious is completely adorable."

She glares at him, but his grin doesn't falter.

"Can we pretend like you didn't steal my thunder?" He presses on without waiting for her answer. "Let's pretend I asked you to commit to us being here in five years, okay?"

"Okay," she says cautiously.

"Where do you see us in five years?"

"Is that a trick question?" She asks, incredulously. "Right here on the beach, celebrating our tenth anniversary as partners."

Deeks huffs out a sigh and leans forward, pressing his forehead against the top of her shoulder and resting for a moment.

"Am I missing something?" She demands.

He presses a kiss to her clavicle and stands upright again. "Let's also pretend you aren't quite so literal. In general, in life, where do you see us in five years?"

A deeper understanding of this conversation washes over her. Her first instinct, still deeply ingrained in her makeup, is to run and avoid. But it's been over a year since she set out to change, and the new Kensi quickly takes over and reminds herself she can safely have this conversation. She's stronger now. And her heart is safe in his hands. "On the beach," she offers quietly.

Deeks's expression falls, but he nods, accepting what she can give him.

She smiles and nudges him. "Living on the beach, together," she clarifies.

He perks up. "Really?"

"Well, maybe more like close to the beach. Unless we win the lottery. But, yeah."

"Living together."

"Yes," she says confidently. "Not that we need to wait five years for that..."

He closes his eyes for a moment, savouring her words. "No, I guess we don't."

"I take it you're on board with this?"

His chest heaves as he draws a breath. It presses against hers and she smiles and holds him tighter. "Oh, yeah. I'm most definitely on board. But there's one more thing."

"Which is?"

He meets her eyes evenly. "I want to ask you a question."

From the look in his eyes and the tone of their conversation, she knows there's only one question it can possibly be.

"And it's about something we've never talked about. And I know that you've...been asked this question before."

She shifts in his arms, but doesn't break contact with his eyes. His arms tighten around her, holding her close.

"And because of what happened last time, you may not want to go down that road again."

"Deeks..."

He offers her a soft smile. "And I want you to know that I get it, Kens. I know you. And I _understand_ you." He gives her a moment to process that. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up beside you and call you my partner every day for the rest of my life. _That_ is what is important to me. I don't _need_ to ask the question."

She's trembling in his arms when he finishes, but not from nerves or hesitation.

Anticipation.

He's not wrong. For a long time, she didn't think she would ever want that again. Her past made her gun shy. But things are so much different now. "Deeks, I want you to ask the question."

And then she's not sure which one of them is shaking more as he pulls away from her and reaches into his pocket. He reveals a diamond ring. No fancy box or velvet bag. Just a ring.

She stares at it in shock for a moment, wondering how he could possibly have gotten it past her.

He smirks. "Told you that you were completely oblivious. _Adorable_."

They stare at each other for several seconds, savouring the moment _before _the moment. And then Deeks drops down to one knee. She tries to tug him back up, but he shakes his head. "Nope. We're only doing this once, Kens. So, we're doing it right."

He reaches for her hands with one hand and holds the ring up with the other.

Kensi grips onto his hand with both of hers. She can feel her heart pounding against her chest.

Deeks squeezes her hands and asks with a simple, "Marry me?"

She answers with an equally simple, "Yes," and drops to her own knees so they are on the same level. He's determined to follow protocol, so she allows him to slide the ring onto her left ring finger and kiss her before she throws her arms around his neck.

**X**

**I know you better than you think...**

Kensi sighs as she pads her way around her apartment, following a familiar path. If she keeps this up, she's going to wear a track in the floors. She pauses in the center of her kitchen and begins spinning her engagement ring around her finger. The weight of the ring is a welcome comfort in such a trying time.

Kensi doesn't want to move. But Kensi had told her...fiancé...that she would. She had actually suggested it.

They had put together a five year plan for their beach front or near-the-beach home. It involved saving for a hefty down payment. And that meant paying for two apartments now was a waste of money. She had told him it was no big deal for her to move in with him.

No. Big. Deal.

She was eating her words now. Because it was a huge freaking deal. She did not want to move. Her things were here. She was comfortable here. There was more room here. She _liked_ it here. Not that Deeks's place wasn't nice. Not that she wasn't comfortable when she was there. And he would be there. She could make it home.

She looks around. But _this_ was home now.

She hears the door open, signalling Deeks's arrival. He had had some errands and was then going to pick up Monty and dinner.

She steps out of the kitchen. Monty catches sight of her and hurries over.

"Hi, Monty," she greets, patting his head.

The dog wags his tail and then moves past her to the kitchen to check on the food bowl he knows is kept there.

"Chinese," Deeks states, holding up the takeout bag.

"Sounds perfect."

He cocks his head. "You okay?"

"Fine."

He put the bag down on the coffee table with a sigh. "You get any work down?" He had pushed her to start organizing her things, deciding what was coming and if there was anything she wanted to get rid of. There were three completely empty totes in the bedroom that were evidence to her complete lack of any progress.

"Can we not talk about this now?"

To her surprise, he smiles. "Finally, a different response."

"Excuse me?"

"You've been lying to me for two weeks now."

"I have not."

"Really? How do you really feel about moving in with me?"

She stammers for a moment. "I want to live with you," she says honestly.

He offers her a warm smile. "I know that. But how do you feel about moving into my apartment?"

"I..." She hesitates. It was one thing to go along with what she had offered and tell herself she was okay. It was another to lie to his face when he was calling her on it. "I'm willing to do it. For you. For _us_."

He steps into her, his hands finding her hips. "But you don't want to, Kens."

She grips at his forearms. "But it's the smarter choice."

He presses a kiss to her forehead. "Our places cost about the same. The only reason you thought my place was better was for Monty. And he's happy anywhere as long as there's food."

"So, you're saying...you'd be willing to move in here?"

"More than willing. As long as Monty can come."

Kensi feels a surge of relief wash over her. She blinks hard against the sudden stinging in her eyes. "I'd really like that, Deeks. I'd really like both of you here."

He smirks. "Good, because I gave notice at my place a week ago."

"You...what?"

"I would never have made you leave this place, Kens."

She smacks him in the shoulder. "You let me keep thinking I was moving for a week?"

"Nine days, actually."

She smacks him again.

He laughs. "You really know how to drag something out. I had to step up my game. You didn't think it was odd that I asked you to think about getting rid of some of your things? Don't worry, Kens, I know I'm marrying a hoarder."

"You really... That was just to..."

"To push you into having this conversation." He nods. "And that's why I brought over the totes, told you to start packing, printed you the change of address form at work, all of it."

She releases a laughing breath and buries her face in his shoulder. "You're an ass."

He wraps his arms around her. "Love you, too, Kens."

"You're really willing to do this for me?"

"Absolutely," he tells her. "Well, under one condition."

"What's that?"

"I get to bring my cat pillow."

**X**

**I challenge you to a duel...**

Kensi watches in a combination of humour and fascination as her partner shows some surprisingly impressive moves against his four foot opponent in the foam-sword battle going on in the backyard.

Being that his opponent was both several decades his junior _and_ the birthday girl, he would clearly let her win this battle, but both participants were showing a surprising amount of skill. Although Kensi decides she probably shouldn't be surprised the daughter of Sam and Michelle Hanna already has some impressive fighting skills even at her young age.

She takes one particular swipe at Deeks, which he pretends not to be able to block.

"Owe! My arm!" He makes a show of screeching. "She cut off my arm!"

His opponent shows no mercy and - while giggling - goes in for the kill.

Kensi laughs as Deeks allows himself to be taken down.

"She's got some skills," Kensi says to the girl's mother.

Michelle is also laughing at her daughter's enthusiasm. "I don't know where she gets it from," she says dryly.

They both laugh.

Kensi shrugs. "Blame it on her father." She motions towards Sam, where he is standing across the backyard with Callen, the two dressed in costume; robes and foam swords. Sam sees her motions towards him and sends her a suspicious look.

They laugh again.

"Do you think you'll have another agent in the family?" She asks Michelle.

Michelle takes a breath and turns her attention back towards her daughter. Now that that fight has been won, she is offering her 'dead' opponent a hand off the ground. Deeks takes the proffered hand and gets up. He gives the girl a high five and then together they make their way to get sno-cones.

"I'd be so proud of her, Kensi, if that's what she wanted to do with her life," Michelle eventually tells her. She turns her attention from her daughter to Kensi. "It's also my biggest fear."

Kensi nods. "I guess I get that."

"It's hard enough watching Sam walk out that door every day, knowing what he does, knowing there's a chance he won't make it home. But she's my little girl..."

"I can't imagine what that would be like."

Michelle offers her a smile. "You will one day." She motions across the backyard where Deeks is helping her daughter choose a syrup flavour for her sno-cone. "Assuming you two are planning on having kids?"

"I, uh, yeah. We are. One day. Yes." She isn't sure why she is stammering.

Michelle smiles knowingly. "Trust me, Kensi. One day comes so much faster than you know. And then before you know it, they're having middle earth-sword fight themed birthday parties."

Kensi shrugs. "At least it's not Harry Potter for a fourth year in a row?"

Michelle laughs. "That is true."

Kensi smiles, but her thoughts are on Michelle's words. Deeks had been calling her future offspring mutant ninja assassins since long before they were together. She could suddenly picture herself and Deeks watching their child at gymnastics or horseback riding or martial arts class during the week, and herself watching Deeks teach them how to surf on the weekend. She'd take them camping in the summer to pass on all the things her dad had taught her. Deeks would complain, off course, but would secretly love the family time. They'd huddle together at night in their tent; the three of them. Or the four of them. Or five...

They'd never talked numbers.

"Mommy!" The birthday girl's excited voice interrupts her thoughts. "I beat Uncle Marty. Did you see me?"

"I saw, sweetie," Michelle said. "Very good form. Maybe you can take on Aunt Kensi when you're done with your sno-cone?"

Kensi raises an eyebrow at the young girl. "Are you sure you want to try, kid? I'm no light weight like Uncle Marty."

"I challenge you to a duel, Aunt Kensi!" She declares. "But not until I'm done my sno-cone."

"I may need to challenge you to a duel, too, _Aunt Kensi_." Deeks says, appearing beside her. "Prove I'm no light weight."

"She owned you out there, Deeks."

He rolls his eyes. "Just for that, I'm not sharing my sno-cone."

"It's not nice not to share, Uncle Marty."

Kensi laughs. "Thank you, sweetie." She held her hand out to Deeks. He makes a face, but passes her the sno-cone. She takes a bite and passes it back to him. "It's good." She droppes her voice to a whisper. "But what this tells me is when we have kids, you won't be able to say no to them?"

"If they're mini versions of you? Absolutely not."

She rolls her eyes.

He huffs. "Are you telling me if they look like me you'll be able to say no to them?"

"I say no to you all the time."

He raises an eyebrow.

She sighs. "We're really going to be screwed, aren't we?"

"Probably. But it's us, so our kids will be awesome, so it won't matter."

**X**

**The mark of a good team...**

Kensi stares dully down at her right arm, appearing several times its normal size because of the tensor bandage secured around the multiple ice packs. She wiggles her fingers and finds herself glad they actually move on her command. She tries the same on her left hand and again is glad when her fingers move. Her left arm wasn't nearly as badly bruised as her right, but it still hurts. Everything hurts. Multiple soft tissue injuries. That's what the doctor said. No fractures. Kensi's not actually sure how _everything_ can hurt this much and nothing be broken, but apparently it's possible.

There'd been an explosion. She'd been cut off from the team. She'd been overpowered and captured and held for three hours before her team had found her. The bastards who held her had been ruthless and unorganized and took their frustration out on her. She'd been tied and beaten, and thankfully nothing more.

Her hospital room door opens and her partner walks in, appearing weary and pained himself. His eyes had been equal parts desperate and controlled when he, Callen and Sam had stormed the warehouse where she'd been held. He'd rushed to cover her, but hadn't been able to get her untied from the chair before the ensuing firefight. Without hesitation, he'd pushed the chair over and lain overtop her for cover until Callen and Sam had called out an all clear. Then he'd cut her away from the chair and whisked her out of the building to the waiting ambulance. His voice had been calm and steady through the whole thing, telling her he was there and they'd all be fine. She could remember because she hadn't known what to say back to him.

_We're here. I'm here. It's almost over._

His eyes find hers immediately. "Hey," he says softly, setting the tray of drinks he's carrying down. "How long have you been awake?"

She tries to wet her lips, but her tongue is just as dry. "Not long," she manages to croak.

He disappears from sight, and then reappears with a cup of water and a long straw. "Small sips," he cautions. "It's going to hurt like a bitch if you start coughing."

She takes several small sips before laying her head back. "That's so much better."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a truck."

He chuckles. "I've seen you get hit by a truck. It barely fazed you."

She releases a laughing breath. "You know what I mean."

"Do you want more pain meds?"

"They make me so tired."

"That's not a bad thing. Sleeping is probably the best thing you can be doing right now." He reaches his hand to hers and squeezes it gently.

She meets his eyes and for a moment she is back in the warehouse.

_I've got you. It's over. I'm getting you out._

"Maybe in a bit," she answers. "I want to be awake for a little while." She pauses for a breath. "Callen and Sam?"

"Handling the paperwork. They'll be back soon, though."

She nods. "Can I have some more water?"

"Actually, I bought you some juice, if you want? Found some fancy strawberry-pineapple kind downstairs. Also, got you apple. Or we can stick with water?"

Kensi feels her heart swell at how thoughtful he is. "Fancy juice, please."

Deeks opens the bottle and inserts a long straw. Then he helps her find a comfortable height for the back of her bed. He passes the bottle into her less injured left hand. "You good?"

She tests the strength of her hand and nods. "I think so." She takes a sip and sighs. "This is really good. Thanks, partner."

He drops into the seat next to her bed. "Any time. Do you need anything else?"

"I want to go home."

He chuckles. "Somehow, I feel like I should have expected that..."

"Are they releasing me?"

"The doctor hasn't been back in yet."

"I want to go home," she repeats.

"If it's safe for you to go home, I will take you home," he agrees.

"Thank you." She focuses on drinking her juice and gets about halfway through the bottle before she can't drink anymore. Deeks takes the bottle from her and places it on the table for later. Then he turns back to her and gently takes her hand.

"How are you, really?"

_Are you okay? You sure? _

She tries to offer him a smile. "Tired and sore," she answers honestly. Words are much easier now.

"I'm sorry we couldn't get to you sooner."

"No," she shakes her head and squeezes his hand as best she can. "The important thing is you got to me. You saved me. I'll heal. We'll move past this."

_Let's get you out of here._

He swallows hard and nods. This is far from their first close call, but she's certain the hours of not knowing where she was or if she was okay did a number on his nerves. She remembers vividly what it felt like when it was him missing in action. "I love you," he tells her.

"And I love you," she tells him back. "You're what I held onto when I was there."

He bends forward and presses his lips to her hand. "I remember what that's like." He sits up again. Before he can say more, the door opens and Hetty appears.

"Ms. Blye, how are you feeling?" Hetty announces herself.

"I'll be okay, Hetty," Kensi answers.

Hetty nods, accepting Kensi's forward dated answer. "And you, Mr. Deeks?"

"I'll be okay, too, Hetty," Deeks responds, still holding Kensi's hand.

Kensi smiles and squeezes his hand. After the day she's had, she appreciates that he won't be intimidated away from her by their boss.

"We were all quite concerned for you today, Kensi," Hetty says, switching to her first name. "And we're all very relieved you are safe."

"Me, too," she says. "But I knew my team would get to me."

Hetty smiles at that. "The mark of a truly great team is the amount of faith the team has in its individual members and each of its members has in the team."

"Then we have a pretty kick ass team," Deeks says.

"True that, Mr. Deeks."

Kensi laughs and then immediately stops, her bruised ribs protesting the movement.

"Is it time for more pain medication?" Hetty asks.

"It makes me tired," Kensi said.

"She wants to wait a bit," Deeks added, indicating they had already had this conversation.

Hetty nods, but again addressed Kensi. "Sleep may be the best thing for you right now, Ms. Blye."

Deeks chuckles.

Hetty offers him a wry smile. "Already covered that one too, eh?"

He nods.

"I'll sleep when I'm home."

"Are you being released?"

"Yes."

Deeks releases a laughing breath. "We're not sure yet. Doctor hasn't been back yet."

"I'm going home," Kensi insists.

"If it's safe," Deeks adds, to which Kensi makes a face.

Hetty smiles. "Well, Ms. Blye, it sounds like you've definitely got a keeper here."

Kensi rolls her eyes as Deeks beams at the compliment. Hetty had said nothing when she and Deeks had officially become more than partners, but Kensi had known the woman had been watching carefully and would have been obligated to separate them in the field if they couldn't handle the dual relationships. When they had announced their engagement, Hetty had surprised them with a heartfelt congratulations and hadn't batted an eye when Deeks had handed in a change of address form.

"I know," she mutters.

Hetty takes a seat and the three of them chat for a while. Things will never be quite what they once were with Hetty, but they've made their peace and moved on. If they've learned anything from the previous year, it's that Hetty is distinctly human.

Kensi feels her eyelids getting heavy and eventually close.

Deeks squeezes her hand, so very attentive. "Do you want me to put the back of the bed down?" He asks quietly.

"Mmm, no," she mumbles back. "M'good here."

He squeezes her hand again and his other hand runs ever so gently up her less bruised forearm. "Okay."

She doesn't exactly sleep, but she dozes. Her awareness comes and goes for some unknown period of time. Sometimes she's aware of Hetty and Deeks speaking to each other, sometimes not. Still, she knows Deeks is there beside her. It's what allows her to relax and rest.

When she wakes for good, the pain is sharper, but her mind is clearer. Deeks is still beside her. His hand is still gently clutching hers. She doesn't open her eyes for several minutes, enjoying the sensation of having him close. Every minute or so he runs his free hand up her forearm and back to her hand. Though, she's not sure if he's comforting her or himself. Probably both.

There are more voices now, she realizes. Callen and Sam have joined them. She takes a breath.

Deeks rubs his thumb sideways across her palm. He knows she's awake.

She opens her eyes. Callen and Sam have joined Hetty in sitting to the right side of her hospital bed. Deeks still remains in his vigil to her left.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty," Deeks greets. He releases her hand and reaches to the bedside table for her bottle of juice.

She takes the bottle gratefully. "How long was I out?" She manages to rasp before taking several small sips of juice.

Deeks glances at the clock on the wall. "A little over an hour."

"How are you feeling, Kens?" Callen asks.

Kensi sets the bottle down on the mattress beside her, still gripped tightly in her hand so it doesn't spill. She turns her attention to the other side of the room. "Okay. The meds are making me tired."

"We're really glad you're okay," Sam says.

"Me, too." Other than concerned glances thrown in her directions and yells to Deeks to confirm her status, she hadn't had any contact with Callen or Sam since her rescue. "Thank you, both, for getting me out."

"Just doing for you what you've done for us," Callen says.

"A hundred times," Sam adds.

"And knowing them, will probably do a hundred more times," Deeks jokes.

Kensi smiles, but resists the urge to laugh, not wanting to aggravate her ribs.

"Hey, we've saved your asses more times than you've saved ours," Callen says.

"We beg to differ," Deeks argues.

"We saved your asses in the dessert when you were pinned down with those marines," Sam says.

"We pulled you two out of a _submarine_ filled with explosives," Deeks counters. "Seriously. Who gets locked in a submarine?"

"Kensi and the lasers." Callen says.

"Doesn't count. We got ourselves out of that one," Deeks argues.

"We saved your sorry ass from Lasik when you were stupid enough to go in alone," Sam counters.

Deeks makes a face, but has no argument. He hadn't been part of the team yet. Kensi squeezes his hand in support. "We saved Callen from the Romanians," he says.

"Which time?" Kensi jokes.

"Oh, touché."

Callen, like Deeks before, makes a face, but has no argument.

Before anyone could bring up another save, there was a knock at the door and then the door opens and the doctor walks in.

"Agent Blye," he greets, "You're looking better than the last time I was in."

"Great. That means I get to go home, right?"

The doctor falters a bit, not having expected such a strong response from his patient. "How about we start with an exam, see how you're doing."

"As long as we end with you releasing me." She ignores the chuckle she hears come from Deeks at her comment.

The doctor looks to Deeks for support. "Agent..."

"Deeks," Deeks supplies.

"Right. Agent Deeks. You're the partner, right? You were here earlier."

"Sure am. And I've agreed to take her home only if it is safe to do so."

"If I do release you, you will need someone with you at home for twenty four to forty eight hours for both support and in case something goes wrong."

Deeks smirks. "Good thing I'm the fiancé too, huh?"

**X**

**Loss and gain...**

Kensi wakes with a start. Despite the fact that she had been out cold only a moment ago, she awakes to the startling and heart wrenching realization that she is now alone. Refusing to open her eyes, she reaches out across the bed in hopes she is somehow wrong, but her hand only find empty sheets.

Cold, empty sheets. He's been gone for some time. Not just the minute or two it takes to use the bathroom or run to the kitchen for a glass of water. Several minutes. Hours, maybe.

She opens her eyes and sits up, clutching the sheets to her chest as her heart pounds. The curtains aren't completely closed, allowing some moonlight into the room. It reflects off her engagement ring and catches her attention.

Her breathing hitches and for a moment she has to close her eyes again, determined not the believe this is happening again.

When she opens her eyes, the room is still dark. The space in the bed next to her is still empty. The engagement ring is still the only thing she is wearing; is the only thing she is left with.

Blinking back tears, she draws a shaky breath. She needs to know for sure.

She gets out of bed and pulls on pajama pants and his sweatshirt. Her phone tells her it's just shy of three in the morning on Christmas Day.

He wouldn't do this to her. Especially not on Christmas Day. He _knows_ what this would do to her.

His bedside table is clear - he'd taken his phone when he left.

She checks the bathroom, just in case, but he isn't there. The sink is dry and hasn't been used recently. She moves onto the living room. The tree that they had put up and decorated together stands in the corner of the room, dark and still and silent. She'd been so happy to have that one normal thing with him, but now it's just a reminder of what she has apparently lost in the darkness of the night. Again.

She checks the kitchen and the spare room and the front porch and everywhere she can think of, but he's not there. In despair, she calls his name, just in case she has missed him in her search. Silence answers her. She calls his name again, louder. Urgent. Nothing. She calls the dog's name. This time her voice is desperate. Nothing.

He's gone. And he's taken the dog.

Defeated, she stumbles back into the living room and sits on the couch. She puts her head in her hands as she fights the sting of tears. Here she is, middle of the night on Christmas.

Alone.

Again.

And then there's the sound of a key in the lock and the door is opening and she looks up in time to see Deeks and Monty on their way back inside.

"Don't say I never do anything for you," Deeks is whispering to the dog. "I could have let you suffer to morning, you know."

Monty wags his tail in response.

"You're welcome. But no more eggnog before bed, okay?" He yawns. "Now, I have a very comfortable bed and a very beautiful woman to get back to, so if you'll excuse me..."

Deeks pats the dog on his head and goes to walk through the living room when he catches sight of Kensi sitting on the couch. He startles and clutches his hand to his chest. "Jeez, Kens. You scared the hell out of me."

It's all Kensi can do just to stare at him.

"You okay?" He walks up to her and takes the spot next to her on the couch to her right. Monty follows suit, sitting on the floor next to her on the other side, resting his head on her knee. Her boys; always so perfect.

The moment he touches her, it breaks her out of her trance. She manages a nod. "I...yeah. I just...I woke up and you weren't there," her voice cracks a bit, but she manages to not cry.

If Deeks notices, he says nothing. He slings an arm around her back, which she is incredibly grateful for, and leans into her. "Mr. Monty, here, had too much eggnog before bed. Woke me up desperate to be taken out for a pee." With his free hand, he reaches across Kensi's lap to pat the dog on his head.

Kensi follows suit, patting the happy dog, but in doing so, she catches sight of her engagement ring. And then she's crying and she's not quite sure why.

"Oh, Kens," he whispers, wrapping both arms around her.

"I'm sorry," she stammers, swiping at her face. "I don't know why I'm... It's stupid..."

He pulls her hands away from her face. "Let it out, Kens. It's not stupid."

"You don't even know why I'm crying."

He presses a kiss to her temple. "It's Christmas. We're engaged. You woke up alone and panicked." He says it softly, but with gentle understanding.

She closes her eyes and leans into him. Of course he knows. "I'm sorry," she tells him, ashamed.

"Don't be sorry. This isn't your fault."

"You've never given me reason to doubt you. You shouldn't have to deal with these fears."

He pulls away just a little and turns her so he can meet her eyes. "You're right about one thing and you're wrong about one thing. I've never given you reason to doubt me. And I never will. I'm not going anywhere. And I guess only time can prove that to you. But it isn't up to you to deal with those fears alone, Kens. I get to be part of that, too, now. That's part of what I signed up for. Your fears, especially about _this_, about being left, are _real_. Because they happened. You have scars from real events. Scars that I believe made you stronger, but real and valid scars. So, you are allowed to be scared. And _we_ are going to work through that, okay?"

It's all she can do to nod and then allow him to pull her into his chest. It's liberating; to be allowed to cry.

She turns as much as she can on the couch and buries her face into the crook of his neck. He holds her tight as she cries quietly for the girl she used to be, who woke up alone eleven years earlier and didn't get the happy ending of her fiancé coming in the door from a late night walk. She cries for the pain and the loss and the years of blaming herself and feeling like she wasn't enough for anyone. She cries in relief that life or luck or fate had brought her together with the man who is holding her now. The man who had slowly become her partner and then her friend and then so much more. The man who is her fiancé and her future. The man who had challenged her to be more, to _want_ more. The man who had proven to her that she _was_ enough. The man who had proven she was worthy of his love. She cries in relief as she feels the final weight of her past lift off her shoulders.

When she pulls away, Deeks meets her eyes and he still looks at her just the same as before. He cocks his head and offers her a soft smile. "You good?"

She sniffs and nods. "I'm good." She returns his smile. "Thank you."

He lifts a hand to gently wipe away the moisture beneath her eyes. Then he leans close and kisses her softly. "I just want you to be happy, Kensi. That's all I want."

She cups his cheeks with both hands and pulls him close for a deeper kiss. "I am happy, Deeks," she tells him. And then, because it's Christmas and because it's true, she tells him, "You make me happy."

His teeth flash as he smiles. He opens his mouth-

"Don't make me regret saying that," she warns.

He chuckles, but closes his mouth. Then he ducks his head and kisses her again. And again.

And again.

Clothes start to come off. Deeks pulls himself away from her for a moment to turn the Christmas Tree lights on. He quickly returns to her and they make love on the couch. After, he pulls a blanket over them both as he holds her on the couch, her back to his chest, as they stare out together at the tree. _Their tree_.

He rubs the tip of his nose against the back of her shoulder blade and then presses a chaste kiss to the same spot. "I'm sorry I scared you," he whispers.

She presses back into him.

"I should have left a note. Tonight of all nights, I should have left a note."

"You shouldn't have to leave a note because you're taking the dog out for a walk," she tells him. "It's where my mind should have gone."

He tightens his hold on her for a moment and then sighs. "I'm really sorry that happened to you, Kens. I mean, part of me has to be glad it didn't work out with him, you know? Because it gave me the opportunity. Might make me selfish, but it's a guy thing. But the way he did it... that's not okay. That's _never_ okay. Doesn't matter what he was going through. You deserved better."

Kensi twists in his arms so she can press the side of her head against the front of his. "Thank you, Deeks."

He presses a kiss to her cheek. "I promise you I will _never_ do that to you, Kens. Never. If I'm missing in the middle of the night it's because I'm walking the dog. Or I've been called into work, which you will probably also be called in for." He pauses and smirked. "Or I've been kidnapped. And if that's the case I expect you to drop everything and come to my rescue."

She snorts and then laughs. "No one kidnaps my man out of my bed and gets away with it."

**X**

**The art of compromise...**

Kensi stifles a yawn and presses her back into her partner's chest. She turns her head and presses the side of her face into the pillow that they share as she wills herself back to sleep. The rhythmic rise and crash of the ocean, so close, is surprisingly soothing. Her eyes close and she feels her mind drifting back towards sleep.

Deeks's arms tighten around her. He groans and pulls her tighter to his chest. He mumbles something that may be her name. Or good morning. Or may simply be a string of nonsensical consonants strung together.

She giggles. "Too early for you?"

"The waves are calling for me. They won't let me sleep."

"It's not even dawn yet." She lets herself yawn this time.

"Doesn't matter. The waves don't care."

"The waves don't have feelings. Or thoughts. They're waves."

Behind her, he groans. "I know you're goading me. I won't be goaded."

"Okay, wave-boy."

"Wave-man," he mumbles.

She laughs. "Wave-man," she echoes. She reaches down to loosen his grip around her waist and then carefully turns over in their shared sleeping bag so she is facing him.

It had been one of his Christmas gifts to her. A double sleeping bag. She had been confused when she had opened it Christmas morning. It had only been a few hours after her near break down in the middle of the night. They had made love on the couch and then laid together for the better part of an hour before they both fell asleep. It was only a couple hours before she had grown cold and woken up. Instead of moving to the bed, they had redressed and sat together on the floor under their tree and opened their presents.

She had opened a double sleeping bag and looked up with a raised eyebrow to a grinning partner. Deeks had declared that he wanted to take her camping. She pointed out that he hated camping. He said he had discovered the perfect compromise; camping on the beach.

_And shared sleeping bag_, he'd added with a smirk.

So, here they were, compromising. In a tent. On the beach. No showers, but working bathrooms not far away. No pool and no cabana, but the beach was _oh, so close_. He hadn't let her bring any MREs, but he had let her bring a small propane stove top. They were making half their meals that way. The other half they were buying from the food truck up the beach.

Not Kensi's idea of 'camping.'

But so much better. She was having a blast.

They'd taken a long weekend, the Friday and the Monday, and joined what was a apparently a popular thing to do at the beach. There were at least two dozen other couples or families along with them on this stretch of beach, all quite friendly. So far, it had been three days of freedom and relaxation.

"You know, when we live on the beach one day," she tells her fiancé, voicing their hopeful future plans, "You'll never be able to sleep in again if the waves keep calling you."

He makes a face. Then he shrugs. "We'll just get high tech sound proof glass walls."

She laughs. "Glass walls?"

"Of course. We'll need glass walls so we can see the water all the time."

She laughs again. "We may need to adjust our timeframe...may need more than five years to save up for this house."

He tightens his hold on her and shuffles closer. He presses his forehead to hers and sighs. "Honestly, Kens, I'd live in a shack, as long as it was with you."

She feels her heart flutter at his words.

"I like that we want the same thing, that's we're working toward this dream house together, but I don't need it. I just need you."

And now her heart just feels like goo. "Deeks," she whines. "You can't just say things like that to me when..." she trails off.

He chuckles. "When we're not in a soundproof tent?"

She presses against him, breathing his air. The one downside to their camping excursion had been spending the entire time with him without being able to be _with_ him. Their closest neighbor is fifteen feet from them. They can hear other beach campers talking at night, so they're not about to let themselves be caught doing more than talking.

"This whole shared sleeping bag was a bad idea..." She laments.

"No, it was an awesome idea," he counters. His forehead is still pressed to hers.

She _is_ awfully warm. And cozy. And really, _really_ loved.

That's just how he makes her feel.

She presses against him. Really, there's no room between them, but she wants to be closer. "I don't care either," she whispers. "Where we live," she clarifies. "I don't care where we live, as long as we live there together."

Their foreheads are still pressed together and now their noses are kind of scrunched together, but she doesn't really care. She just wants to be close to him. Close and warm and cozy and loved. She really likes being loved. And loving him.

"You'd move out of your apartment to move into a shack?" He teases.

She growls. "_Our_ apartment," she corrects.

His inhale is sharp, but his exhale is even and happy. "_Our_ apartment," he echoes.

"And...yes, I would. I wouldn't like it," she says before he can say anything. "But I would do it." And she would. Moving would be easier now, having lived with him for so many months. In the near two years since they'd set out to work towards being together and then built their relationship together, she had found her need for her things changing along with herself. She had changed. She had healed a lot. He hadn't changed her, but he had helped her to change. Her first instinct may always be to hold onto things - because her past will always be her past - but she's learned to trust in her future; something she hadn't been able to do for a very long time.

"Well, I'm happy in our apartment for now, if you are."

"I am." She tilts her chin up to kiss him. "But I am excited about our one-day fancy beach house, too."

He huffs a laugh. "Me too." He takes his turn kissing her.

"Well, do you want to pretend like we're already living in our dream beach house?"

"Hmm?"

"Where we can just get up at some ridiculously early hour in the morning and you can drag me out surfing?"

He beams. "You're offering to come surfing with me, this early?"

"You came camping with me...even if it's not really real-" she's cut off when he clamps a hand over her mouth, cutting her off before she can finish her sentence.

"It is so real camping," he insists. "Are we or are we not in a tent?"

"That is not the definition of camping. We could pitch a tent in the living room."

"I would also be okay with that kind of camping."

She rolls her eyes, but then she can't hold back her own laugh at his comment, knowing there's a hint of seriousness behind it. She rolls away from him. "Come on, Malibu Ken, let's go surfing."

"I liked wave-man better," he grumbles, but follows her lead.

The air out of the sleeping bag is cool. Kensi unhappily strips out of her (his) tee shirt and into a dry bathing suit. The air outside of the tent is even cooler and she hurriedly follows Deeks's lead in pulling on a wetsuit.

The sun is just starting to come up as they walk down towards the water, surfboards under their arms. Kensi hisses as the temperature of the water, but Deeks doesn't hesitate, so she's forced to follow him. The waves aren't huge, but are fairly impressive, so even in the shallowest area each wave brings a rise in the water level that makes Kensi unhappy as it brings the cold temperature up higher than she wants on her body. Finally, she just dunks her body down to get it over with, and then jumps onto her board and paddles after her partner, muttering, "cold, cold, cold," as she follows him. She knows he can hear her and is choosing to ignore her. They paddle out a fair way before stopping it. It's early. Barely anyone else is out yet. No competition for a good ride.

A wave comes in. Deeks motions for her to take it. She paddles forward, just like he taught her. She stands when she feels the urge to. She wobbles a bit, but steadies. She manages to ride along the wave a bit before turning to face the beach, not wanting to lose her balance and fall. She knows Deeks would have ridden much further, but he's much better than her...not that she'll admit that to him. She drops down to sit on her board and turns to watch her partner ride the next big wave.

And he does. With confidence and expertise.

He's grinning and flushed when he catches up to her. "Another?"

She nods and follows him back out. There's a lull between sets, so they sit and wait. The sun is making its way up into the sky. The sunrise is brilliant and beautiful; the sky so many shades of colour, fading into the sparkling ocean below.

"Wow," Kensi says. "I wish I could take a picture."

Deeks paddles himself closer so they're side by side, boards bumping. They hook their calves together under water to steady themselves without saying a word.

"Beautiful," Deeks comments. He reaches for her hand and squeezes. "The beach, the water. This was always where I could come when I needed to get away. This is where I found balance. Where I found peace."

"And now?"

"Now I have you." He says it like it's so simple. And maybe it is.

"Deeks..."

He shoots her a smile. "I still love it here. I still find balance and peace here. But I also find that in you. And being with you...I don't need to get away from my life anymore." He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. She knows he's gathering his thoughts and gives him the time he needs. "You accept me, Kens. You know me, the good and the bad and the ugly. All of it. You know me and you accept me." He shakes his head and meets her eyes. "I've never had that before. Not from anyone."

She nods. She knows. She knows the pieces of himself he's hidden in fear of rejection. She knows the lack of acceptance he's lived with from his family, his friends, partners in the past. Hell, even their team in the past.

"I know you, Marty Deeks," she tells him. "I accept every part of you. And I _love_ every part of you." She cocks her head and offers him a smile. "Just like you love me for all _my_ crazy; I love you for all _your_ crazy."

He raises an eyebrow. "Oh, you are so the more crazy in this relationship."

"I beg to differ."

"You would."

"How do you figure?"

"Don't think I don't know you did that thing where you dragged a chair around on the carpet to make it look like you vacuumed last week. Again."

Kensi fought to not make a face. She really thought he hadn't been able to tell this time. "I happen to believe that is smart and not crazy."

He laughs out loud, a free and unhindered sound. "I really do love you," he tells her. "Every part of you, crazy or not."

She twists her upper body and reaches for him. Her fingers find the collar of his wetsuit and pull him towards her. "We can be crazy together," she proposes.

"Agreed," he says, before pressing his lips to hers.

**X**

_**AN: I will be (again...lol) marking this story complete. Not that I won't re-visit it in the future if there is interest, but that's all I have planned for now. I was hesitant to write the proposal...Was that okay? If I do convince myself to write another chapter, I may or may not write the wedding, but would continue with the same concept as the last 5 chapters with the 'scenes.'**_

_**As a more in depth explanation from the first AN (now that you've read the chapter) - Most of the planned 'scenes' for this chapter were about Kensi. I didn't realize until I was proofing the chapter as a whole that, when read all the way through, it made her seem pretty not-so-strong, which is not the way I see her or want to write her. This was not my intent. I was able to add some 'scenes,' but when I tried to add more it disrupted the flow of the chapter too much. It was a bit of a challenge to find the balance and fit within the overall theme of this chapter, which was their future.**_

_**Lastly - in finishing this chapter, I've come up with an idea for another story using the same concept of the combination of shorter 'scenes' and am looking to see what the interest might be if I write it, as I have a number of 'scenes' in mind. The storyline would be focussing on Kensi and Callen dealing with the temporary loss of their partners after the Sidorov case and forced to be each other's temporary partners. Would be half humour and half serious. Would, of course, include Kensi dealing with her and Deeks, and I may or may not stick to canon there. Any interest?**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


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